What to do about my family problem?

[Riley1982]

I used to live on my own (I’m 36) lost my job I couldn’t afford my flat (I’m back working and saving) my parents said move back until I have saved to get back on my feet. But my bro who is 45 lives there and is a bit of a bully. He keeps trying to control me your not moving back out I won’t let you. He keeps annoying me you can’t go out without my permission waking me up in the middle of the night. Stabbing me with a fork if you stand up to him he sulks or tries to fight.

 

[Riley1982]

[/QUO

Two brothers, 36 and 45, living at home with mum and dad? If you were my kids I'd kick the pair of you out. Find your stones, tell him to stfu. He's ******* 45 and living at mummy's.

Then slap yourself for being in this situation to begin with.

I only moved back Recently as I lost my job and no where to go it’s until I get my money back together to move back out. Which will be until June. It was either move back temporarily or on sleep streets

 

[Riley1982]

Grow some balls. Start there.

I have tried to stand up to him but he attacks me. He is 6ft 5 and I am 5ft 8. I promise I’m not trolling just stressed over it. When I lived in my flat my bro would come around early in the morning banging on the door.

 

[Riley1982]

Sorry I should have described it better. He will knock on the door until I wake up and let him in. We have had a few fights over his behaviour. He bullies my parents who are both in their 60s.
My parents will only let me stay until June they said.

 

[Riley1982]

At least I’m saving to move out that’s all I can do until I have the money he has no intention of moving out ever.

 

[Riley1982]

Yep he has lived there since birth he is 45

 

[Riley1982]

wow

The reason he won’t move out as it’s cheap at our parents he does not have to do shopping or pay bills or cook he does not know how to (he claims but it’s probably laziness)

 

[Riley1982]

First thing is to leave when you decide to. He says he won't let you leave...will he imprison you by force or kill you? If not, you can leave.

Second thing is what you're going to do about his behaviour.

You can go down the legal route and report it to the police. Gather evidence as much as possible. Document every incident at least. Obtain recordings (audio would be easy, video a bit harder but still possible) if you can.

Or you can go down the illegal route and use violence against him. If you do so, be aware that you must be willing and able to escalate the violence beyond whatever level he is willing to escalate it to. You might not have to (it's possible that a lesser degree of violence from you might be enough to put him off), but you must be willing and able to do so. It's not the sure solution some people are portraying it as being. Also, be aware that it is illegal and you might face legal problems as a result. A conviction for violent crime wouldn't do much for your employment prospects. Finally, it might cause family problems. If, for example, you use a weapon on him and break his arm, how will your parents react? If you are going to go down that route, do use a weapon. You can't half-arse this method and you don't have the skill or strength to try a fair fight, so don't try a fair fight. Attack from surprise, use a weapon. If you're going to use violence, skew the confrontation in your favour as much as possible. A fair fight is for a sporting contest, not for real conflict. It's an ugly method and I wouldn't recommend it. For casual bullying, you might well stop it without inflicting more than a bloody nose and bruising if you've assessed the bully correctly. If you haven't, you'll have made the situation worse. You're not children, so the experience some people have posted about their childhoods is of limited relevance.

I feel really bad for my parents me living there it’s not fair on them. That’s why I’m determined to save as much and move out as promised by June. If he does not get his own way he sulks for months and it causes a bad atmosphere in the whole family.

 

[Riley1982]

Do you have any friends you can stay with? Have you considered staying at a hostel in the week? (They used to have a fixed number of days you can stay). Obviously it will cost you and slow down your saving for your own place again but it might be a half-way measure that gets you at least some peace and you can just stay at your parents on weekends or similar?

He sounds a terrible person.

One of my friends has a spare room in his house (he needs the rent) so I will ask him if I can move in with him. Then I won’t feel like a burden to my parents as they deserve a life.

 

[Riley1982]

Even more wow!

What does he do with life!?

I don’t really know to be honest I’m not sure what he spends his money on either.