Why did you / why do you want to have children

Justin said:
Really? I was joking when I said that, but you do here of stories about woman being so desperate for children that they do crazy things, such as secretly not taking their contraceptive pills etc.

Have you spoken to her about how you feel?
Click to expand...

Yeah, we talk openly about it and she says perhaps in a couple of years (she has an implant at the moment which has another 21 ish months to run anyway before it's scheduled to be pulled out. At that point though she'll be 30 and will be thinking about nothing other than the ticking crock.

This worries me quite a lot - will I still think the same in a couple of years? Will my opinion have changed? It'll have to change pretty damn quick if it's going to.
 
Well, the last thing you should do is have children if the above is true. I think that all of the points you raised are valid, and if you can't see the emotional pay off (which would have course be huge), then don't bother. And make sure your wife knows that she shouldn't be with you if it's her ambition to have some little ones (which, in all probability, it is).

I'm not going to have children because I know that I will become, like my father, a miserable alcoholic in my late twenties/early thirties. I have no intention of putting a family through that, the way I was. That's a rational reason not to have children, despite the knowledge of how emotionally euphoric, and rewarded they would inevitably make one feel.
 
We've grown FAR beyond the need to reproduce and conquer, we're reproducing like parasites now and we have evolved beyond the level required to decide not to live like this.

Though to make it more difficult we live in a society that only really "works" based on continual growth which really can only happen with a continually expanding population. One of the main reasons this is starting to fail is in the past, another 1000 people would need the same number of jobs in making food, farming, car production and the list goes on and on. Technology is at the point where the same population NEEDS less people working as it takes less people to produce the same amount of anything, so we have less "real" jobs and more pointless made up rubbish time wasting "busy work".

ANyway that aside, its ridiculous to suggest, for anyone that a kid is the best thing there is, it can be FOR THAT INDIVIDUAL, but if you can't recognise that everyone is no where near the same and for every good parent who loves their child there are both people who love their children, can't provide for them, live in horrendous decisions and have more kids, and people who hate their children and hit/abuse/moleste them.

Absolutely, unquestionably, not everyone should have a child, almost certainly most people shouldn't have enough children to grow a population that is out of control. Everyone who really wants one should think long and hard about providing for, and really being a parent rather than half the people around who do it without the brains, not situation to be the parent they should be to their child.

If you don't want kids, at all, don't have them. If the wife does desperately, you should seriously consider not being together. A bad dad, or a dad that resents their child is worse than no dad at all.
 
I am with you here buddy, I broke up with my last missus because she wanted 4-5 children in the future (irish) and I wanted none.

I would get out of there quickly unless she is reasonable and will not do as others say and do her utmost to get pregnant via any means.

I don't quite understand why people are so proud of their children for accomplishing the simplest of tasks. According to every parent, their child is above average and very special.

I just don't see it myself. I am only 24 but most of my male friends see it as a given that you have children at some point. I don't know whether part of it was because the only couple without children when I was growing up was my auntie and uncle and they were the happiest couple I knew. They did whatever they wanted whenever they wanted and were free to travel at will.
 
Naffa said:
I'm not going to have children because I know that I will become, like my father, a miserable alcoholic in my late twenties/early thirties. I have no intention of putting a family through that, the way I was. That's a rational reason not to have children, despite the knowledge of how emotionally euphoric, and rewarded they would inevitably make one feel.
Click to expand...

I don't agree that is a rational reason at all, as it predisposes that you will be like your Father, even though you have the foreknowledge and experience to avoid following the same path, as I said in the other thread, I was in a similar position with both my parents...I am like neither of them, and it is partially because of the abuse, instability and violence that marred my childhood and teenage years that I don't make the same mistakes as they did. I give my son the life that I did not, so at least some good will come out of the whole sorry pile of **** that was my childhood.

You do not appear to be the kind of person who would be anything like my parents tbh, and I think you do yourself a disservice in be so pessimistic toward your own ability to be your own person.
 
If you don't want to have children that's fine, don't have them, nothing says you have to have a child.

I know plenty of people who have had no kids and don't regret it at all.

But if it's something you are absolutely definite about you will have to realise the ramifications it may have with your current relationship, especially if she does want children.
 
Castiel said:
I don't agree that is a rational reason at all, as it predisposes that you will be like your Father, even though you have the foreknowledge and experience to avoid following the same path, as I said in the other thread, I was in a similar position with both my parents...I am like neither of them, and it is partially because of the abuse, instability and violence that marred my childhood and teenage years that I don't make the same mistakes as they did. I give my son the life that I did not, so at least some good will come out of the whole sorry pile of **** that was my childhood.

You do not appear to be the kind of person who would be anything like my parents tbh, and I think you do yourself a disservice in be so pessimistic toward your own ability to be your own person.
Click to expand...

That is pretty much how my mum treated having children. She had seen how badly her father treated her and her siblings and never wanted any child to go through that. Thank god as well. Her dad was a functioning alcoholic who beat them and it got so bad that she didn't have pants to go to school in.

You decide how you want to parent, you don't have to raise your children like your parents did. Anyone that uses that as an excuse for being a bad parent should be shot.
 
PermaBanned said:
I think too many people have kids just because it's 'the done thing', or because of some hormonal needs that as a sentient species we should be able to overcome. The world needs many things, but more people is not one of them.
Click to expand...

Good job for you that your parents thought otherwise. :D
 
I'm the same as the OP. I'm 24 now and my missus is turning 26 really soon and she's always barking on about having kids.

I mention that I'm still in Uni., we don't live together yet but will soon. She has a good job but I want to have a good job too before we have kids. But still, I want to wait a while.

Also, my only brother and I are fairly close. He had his first and only (so far) daughter 2 years ago and for me, I love her, I smile when I see her growing up (whenever I'm back from Uni) and it brings me joy to see her becoming more intelligent, and adapting to life. It's great and I can imagine that he feels what I'm feeling but on a much much much greater scale.

So yeah, I would agree, even though I'm not experienced to comment on it, that having your own child is amazing and I'm sure I'll get there at some point in my life... perhaps soon.

But no one can take away my gaming time. No one!
 
I'm the same as the OP. I'm 24 now and my missus is turning 26 really soon and she's always barking on about having kids.
Click to expand...

I doubt she'll wait any longer than the magical 30.

I mention that I'm still in Uni., we don't live together yet but will soon.
Click to expand...

Guess what you'll be discussing most evenings then.

But no one can take away my gaming time. No one!
Click to expand...

It won't be 24/7.
 
My brother had a kid recently and while I love the little guy, I can't be around him for too long.

Kids are just too noisy for me, plus they need constant attention. Hell I'm not even in a committed relationship due to not wanting to be tied down.

Thankfully I'm nowhere near making the decision, but I wouldn't want to be a parent until mid 30's at the earliest.
 
Can I avoid the annoying up all night stage, and the annoying teenage ears but get the cute moments, learning to walk etc....?

It's natural above anything else, and I've always wanted a proper family.

I'm actually still young enough that the idea probably hasn't properly matured in my head yet as well...

kd
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom