Woman & Football

14 Jun 2004
With the 2006 finals little more than a month away, thought it would be a
good idea to post some rules for the Women folk, remember ladies the
World Cup is *only* every 4 years, however we have to put up with Eastenders,
Corrie, Brookside, Big Brother, Desperate Housewives, Wife Swap and all
the other crap that's on TV every night of week....................


1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the
newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World
Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you
fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be
totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any
exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose an eye.

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind,
as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on
right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to
the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick
up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please
do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch
the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and
6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams
is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry,
they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier
and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about
football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only
lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to
me during half-time but only when the commercials are on, and only if the
half-time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying
"one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend
time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen
them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to
watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but
you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something
we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the
World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after
this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier
League, etc etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.
Men of the World
26 Jul 2003
Only thing I can come up with in response to "football" is "meh".

Completely unconcerned, waste of time sport about a bunch of fairies.
18 Oct 2003
Tru said:
I think it's after the Winter Superball Championship finishes.

Thats if you discount the Go Go Volleyball DanceOff 5000... some people do.. some dont.. probably because it doesnt have grand openslam GP status.
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