Personal statement help

update down the bottom


Will

///sarcasm mode engaged////


I am a **** and want to spend my life beating people up and help them fall down many staircases I also wish to have RESPECT AND AUTHORITAAAAIIIIH which people will respect


////sarcasm mode off///

less job stuff more personal about you as a person, type of person your aims and goals etc

Police. not police.

Apause? Whats that? maybe 2-3 words explaining, otherwise its a useless sentence.

typo 'provivde', 'serives', 'at A holiday park' (not an).

This sentence sounds bizarre:

'I have a passion for photography as spend a lot of time on this in my free time'

er .. should 'as' read 'and'. Even then, should not use the word 'time' twice.

You need to describe what Apause is (if this is not a typo). I've never heard of it.

ok

ta

you can probably just smash your head on a keyboard and be accepted for college. Same applies for uni. I doubt they have ever rejected anyone for a poor personal statement

Update







From an early age I have been intrigued by the situations the police force are faced with and how they handle these situations. I feel that the police force is the right career move for me as I would like to be able to help within the community and to help the citizens of our country while implementing the laws of our country. I feel that I have the logical thinking and quick thinking to take control of a situation as it arises as I understand situations can change at any time. I feel that I am able to make rapid decisions which will benefit the community by assessing situations as they arise. I am able to keep calm in situations and I am able to think on my feet. I feel that I am good with confrontation and I am able to calm situations down that I can see potentially getting out of hand. I feel that the police force will face me with daily challenges which will enable me to carry on my logical development. I also feel that I have a positive attitude to offer the police force and I feel that my positive attitude will show the community and fellow officers that I am fair and doing the best for the forces. I am reliable, honest and hardworking. I also feel that I am able to contribute my ideas to the forces; I also ensure that I treat people with dignity and respect and that each person is an individual and should be treated as such. This is why I feel the public services course is right for me as it will provide me with the knowledge and confidence I need to develop my passion for the police force further.
During my time at college I have held down two part time jobs, the first one is at a holiday park working in a restaurant – this has enabled me to work on my customer services skills, my mathematics, and has also raised my confidence. The other job is voluntary at an After School Club working with children 4 -11, this has given me insight in to how children perceive the world and has enabled me to develop an understanding of the fears they have and also allowed me to see the laws they do not necessarily understand fully, this has given me the drive to join the police force in order to educate children on how the police can help their community and to ensure their safety. From working within the After School Club I have learnt to work within a team, to follow instructions by my manager, to use my own initiative regarding health and safety incidents, confidentiality, and children’s safety (ensuring they do not go home with someone they do not know). I was also given training with behaviour management, safeguarding/child protection, health and safety, special needs. I was also able to contribute my ideas to the team and I was able to form professional bonds with the children by listening to their wants. I showed initiative when sorting out arguments with the children and was able to show them other ways of resolving problems. I feel this demonstrates my ability to think on my feet as arguments with children can get out of hand quite quickly resulting in injury, I also feel that due to my ability to think quickly on my feet I was able to keep a calm head, take control of the situation and ensure there were no more arguments – if necessary providing different activities for the children to undertake, thus removing the problem and discussing their behaviours in a calm manner so as not to upset them making the situation worse.
I feel that being able to attend college and hold two part time jobs shows dedication, reliability, good time keeping and the ability to ensure that my work load is organised to meet deadlines required within study. I have also managed to save money from both these jobs that will go towards my tuition fees showing my forward thinking for my future and career plan.
In my free time I enjoy participating in a number of activities, such as having a passion for photography, reading, socialising with friends, keeping fit, I also enjoy spending time on the computer and I have gained an understanding of their technicality and I am able to fix basic problems. Whilst at school I helped run Apause, this gave me experience working with school pupils and also working in a group to provide help and understanding. It also gave me the opportunity to learn from my peers as I feel that through life you are always learning.
I hope the information I have provided shows my dedication and understanding I have to work within the forces. I also hope this shows you that I am reliable, well organised and prepared to work hard to gain the qualifications I need to reach my career goal and my full potential. I feel this course at your college will help me in my progression to join the police force.

stoke1863 said:

you can probably just smash your head on a keyboard and be accepted for college. Same applies for uni. I doubt they have ever rejected anyone for a poor personal statement

Click to expand...

really?.. i was under the impression it made a fair impression, especially if they aren't interviewing you.. admitadly the ones who did interview me, hadn't really read my PS.... i presume with the offers i got without interviews they had read it....


just reading- will edit and update as i get on:

Firstly, i don't like the repetition of citizens of our country, laws of our country

"i have THE logical thinking and quick thinking" bad grammar and repetition of thinking is pants.- avoid unneccesary repetition.. well it's only the police i spose

" i understand situations can change at any time"- wtf is this here for, well done, the universe isn't static- you make it seem like understanding change is apparent in the universe is a unique skill

repetition of situations.. look in a theosaurus for diff words..

"logical development"- never heard this phrase before, change to "personal development"

repetition of positive..

"i also feel i am able to contribute my ideas to the forces" - it doesnt sound right, can't put my finger on where though..


-- It looks ok, you maybe focus on children a bit too much... try and maybe bring in some knoledge of what the police do, more so than "uphold laws", make it look like you want ot plan ahead (you've started this), aka what you want to do in the police force (maybe changes you would like to make, although they're all corrupt so that might be bad )... make it look like you've looked into a career in the police force. maybe comment on your ability adequately maintain paperwork, etc etc..

"professional bonds with children"- im not sure this is right, sounds like your calling children professionals..

and yeh wtf is apause... explanationo please-o

EDITED...as the post was fake.

Wall of text = bad

its way to long, you have 13 seconds to get the readers attention, no more.

this thread is full of fail the moment it was posted on corsa sport

Multiple accounts ban? He was using something like euroscene or somethign before, attention whoring at its finest.