A lot of cultures see it as immoral to abandon family by leaving them, look at India where you have multiple generations living under the same roof. Modern western culture has everybody trained to leave home at 18 mainly for economic reasons, there aren't such stigmas about it in a lot of other cultures.
Worried about my brother and money
- Thread starter IvanDobskey
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A lot of cultures see it as immoral to abandon family by leaving them, look at India where you have multiple generations living under the same roof. Modern western culture has everybody trained to leave home at 18 mainly for economic reasons, there aren't such stigmas about it in a lot of other cultures.
Not really, if his parents have a reduced quality of life because of his sponging brother, he's well within his rights to be worried and have an interest in their well being.
But if said parents are stupid enough not see what is happening then its up to them. No disrespect OP.
We are going through it now with my grandmother, her son is steeling money from her and she has alzheimer's disease.
We have tried very hard and my mother has taken over her bank account and was trying to sort her pension collection out.
What did she do the other day? Send her son to collect her pension.
Am not talking £10 or £20 we talking a £100 min a week.
I said I would nail him but my mother said my grandmother does not want any trouble.
So what do you do then?
Side note.............
Her son is 64 and has lived with her all his life and has special needs, sort of he looks quiet capable to me he just cannot write or spell, but he is a shady so and so with money.
To front a family member over another is a very difficult thing to do as it upsets many members of your family.
Catch 22 I suppose.
Wow. Just wow. Talk about putting words in his mouth.
So in your house where your imaginary children can live forever (how big is this place?) where are their eventual kids going to live? Let's just say your kid was OP's sponging brother. Your man-child has no savings, probably in debt. Are you going to be happy with his family there too? Including the mother. All while you're into your 70s enjoying your retirement with your imaginary wife...
You'll need a country manor house if so!
Enjoy city breaks by all means but get your life in order first and don't do it off the back of those that raised you.
Associate
He pays "some" rent. Who pays the heating, electricity, food, cleaning products? Does he cook? Clean? DIY?
My parents would not think twice about having me back in their house with my wife and kid in tow, if God forbid, something happened and it came to that. However, they'd expect me out as soon as it was feasible/comfortable for us to stand on our own feet again. I'd hate to think I was taking advantage of them in their twilight years.
I do not understand this molly-coddling attitude towards fully grown adults. The man is 40 for Christ's sake. 40! It's pathetic.
As for asking your parents what they want to do, it's quite possible that they don't want him there, but are too fearful to say anything. We had a similar situation in my wife's family, except it was her grandmother living in her uncle's house. They were ripping her off something rotten, we offered to step in, but she said no "I don't want a fuss". She lived with it, and complained bitterly to us in private until the day she died. Afterwards, we wish we'd done something sooner or got her out of that house. So yeah, older people often lose confidence and bottle it. They might not say something for fear of "creating a fuss" but in fact could be miserable with his selfish backside hanging around like a bad smell.
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The thing is, he should pay rent, but he probably isn't adding significantly to their monthly costs unless they're buying him loads of food and he's using loads of additional electricity and gas, so it's not like they're really out of pocket with him living there. You probably just resent the fact that he has a relatively good life despite not working as hard as you and being as responsible. At the end of the day you have your own home and a good life, your brother won't be able to live at home forever and he'll have to live the results of his poor choices later in life
So the brother moves out tomorrow and what changes exactly? He's no longer in his parents hair, will you still be worried about him?
Oh and just because someone moves out doesnt stop them from being a 'manchild' but makes one such grownup, such wow.
He's not actually worried about his brother lmao he's worried about other people's money, he's worried about what his parents and his brother are spending their own money on.
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Hahaha so if your brother spends his years wages on material possessions you want instead of his own enjoyment you would be happier?
Why it's seen as a lifestyle goal to accumulate as much wealth as possible sometimes bewilders me.
As has been mentioned prior in this thread, the brother is living happily.
Associate
Whether or not the man child is having a good time is not the point!!
The crux of the discussion is are the Parents living happily? How have you managed to miss the point so massively?
We have already heard that the mother is concerned, but doesn't want a fuss and that the parents struggle to get any kind of rent out of him because he is always skint. The guy is taking the **** and using other people so that he can have a nice life. There is nothing OK about it.
Soldato
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- 22 Nov 2007
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Then you die shortly after and ultimately it doesn't matter what you did /morbid>
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Man of Honour
Because GD does what GD does.
People prefer to read other posters comments than go to the original post.
So for all you people who have failed in this thread this is the opening post that so many have refused to read -
That says all you need to know - parents are unhappy and daren't talk to him about it.
The brother (Ivan) wants to know should he get involved in his parents unhappiness?
Soldato
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- 7 Jan 2009
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- 6,371
I have to agree to be honest,None of us here actually know the true situation.
Maybe his brother has "other issues" that we dont know about,You mention has he a ton of credit card debt..maybe this is another reason he cant get a place yet due to making payment on that,He works & works long hours,has a girlfriend and a car..doesn't seem bad to me.
I dont have any brothers,But no way in hell would i make a thread on a forum talking about him behind his back to some random people..i just wouldn't do it.
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OK, say he moves out. How exactly will that make his parents get extra rent money?
Whoa you make it sound as if this guy is buying lambos and hiring yachts on his dad's credit card. And even then, so what if his daddy is loaded who the heck is anyone else to care about the mechanics involved in the attainment of anyone's pleasure??
From what I've read this guy is simply living at home. I haven't read anything which suggests he's literally taking cash off his parents to fund anything. In fact OP has said his brother said he's spending his own money as he pleases.
Caporegime
It doesn't sound like the parents want him to be living there and when they express this it causes issues. Thats not a nice thing to do to your parents.
Imposing yourself on your ageing parents so that you can spend your money on holidays is not right. He is taking advantage of the fact that he is family and they won't kick him out.
Associate
Personally if it were me I would just go and beat seven shades of ** Please fully star swear words in future - EVH ** into him and drag him and his belongings out. Put the real definition of kicking him out.
My dads 'brother' (said very loosely, hated by all the family) was this - sponging off the mother til he was 46, and it took my dad 10 years of persuading my grandmother and the threat of dragging him out and kicking his head in for her to finally get shot of him. Abusing a loved ones good nature is the lowest of the low tbh
My dads 'brother' (said very loosely, hated by all the family) was this - sponging off the mother til he was 46, and it took my dad 10 years of persuading my grandmother and the threat of dragging him out and kicking his head in for her to finally get shot of him. Abusing a loved ones good nature is the lowest of the low tbh
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