I think she is cheating……

I think she is cheating..!

Okay, this is not like me to write this sort of thing on the internet. But I feel I need some help, support, I don’t know what I need I’m very confused and worried.

I am in my mid 30’s, my girlfriend of 1 year is in her mid 20’s and without sounding soft, I love her very much, more than anything in the world. She is my world.

She moved in with me after 4 months, into my house and things have been brilliant, we have had 2 holidays and in 6 weeks we have another holiday at a family member’s apartment abroad.

Now I’m the nosey sort. Some of you will think that bad and I fully agree. But I do it to protect myself I guess.

Last week one day I was at work and she kind of vanished, I couldn’t get through to her at my home, or on her mobile, she says she was at her parents house at 5pm but when I looked at her phone later on she actually rang her parents home at 5pm.?

So it appears she is texting a guy from her work when I am not around.
I was on her laptop this morning and going through our photos on it and noticed in “received files” from MSN Hotmail/ Messenger a log when she spoke to her sister last night whilst I was at work.
It read along the lines of “YEAH he just text’d me, this and that, nothing actual about the contents of the text but just that they were texting each other. She had in her phone 14 sent messages but the message counter said 20.

I don’t know what to do, if I confront her, I automatically look like I have been spying on her. I think one thing is I’m so worried about if we split, I let a family member down by not using there holiday apartment. She texts me saying ‘I love you’ and she is looking forward to this and that, she cooks for me, bedroom life is perfect…..

This is why I’m confused and don’t know what to do.


Thanks….

Please no silly responses.

yes, sounds like your looking for reasons to be suspicous of her behaviour without actually having any reason or proof to be so ?

did you have this before with someone else who you found out was cheating on you?

why you looking through her private stuff?

if things are wrong, i would have thought you would have a gut feeling that she is behaving strangely but you say all is fine ?

She could actually be perfectly innocent. Until you have concrete proof I wouldn't mention or do anything. Look at it from the point of view that if you confront her about it and she hasn't done anything wrong you could potentially ruin the relationship for nothing.

With no mention of the content of the text messages she could just be replying as not to be rude. Maybe she rang her house at 5pm because she didn't have a key?

There are explanations for everything. Sit tight until you're certain.

Talk to her - not about cheating, but about where the relationship is going. Where do you see yourselves in 1, 5, 10 years etc.

Communication breakdown in the fall of any relationship.

If you don't know what's going on in her head, you'll be kidding yourself assuming everything is okay.

I've learnt that just because everything is 'perfect', there's no reason for girl to stop at that. 'Perfect' may not create the excitement and drive she needs for someone in her 20s.

I feel for you though.

Andrew.

+1 for waiting until you have concrete proof. If concrete proof arrives, get rid of her, not worth the hassle.

I don't see any problem here. Some things look suspicious when they're not.

Do NOT confront her about this - you will be causing problems when there probably aren't any. It sounds like you've wound yourself up by snooping. Just leave it.

The ancient Hindus used to say the mind is "the organ that thinks and deliberates". i.e. you can think about things too much and cause unnecessary difficulties.

That'll learn ye, eh!

Magic_x_uk said:

bedroom life is perfect…..

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Thats what you think

Magic_x_uk ive just been in the same possition, only difference is mine actually was cheating, eventually i found out by bugging her laptop to record all conversations and when it gets to that point, there really is no hope.

For the love of god, dont do what i did and try to deal with it internally, sit her down, tell her you love her, and then for her sake and yours, talk to her about it. you dont need to tell her youve been snooping, just say youve had a slight impression once or twice that she wasnt that happy, explain that all you want is for her to be happy, and enquire as to whether or not she is happy with you and make her understand that her life is her own to do with as she pleases and all you need is honesty, you dont need your feelings sheilded because that just leads to someone lying to protect the other and that in my books is one of the worst things you can do.

i lost the love of my life 12 weeks ago, whilst i am alive, i have no direction anymore, nothing has a point or purpose. Do what you can to keep the relationship strong, but do not be afraid to let her go if she wants to go, you may love her but holding on to a relationship where one person is unhappy or disshonest costs you a lot more in the long run, and takes so much longer to heal

excactly, sounds fine.

i often ring my 'rents/gf just before i visit them anyway to let them know im on the way??

Magic_x_uk said:

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Not going to give you grief over your "investigation" - whats done is done.

To be honest mate you've not got much indication of guilt right there from what I can see (unless i missed something).

The MSN stuff doesn't appear to reveal anything that bad, and even if she is texting some bloke at work, doesn't mean anything dodgy is going on. I text people from work all the time.

I wouldn't confront her unless you have something a bit more concrete to go on.

There are many explanations for how she has acted, for instance she might have rang her parents because they didnt answer the door or something? Or maybe she was running late?

Everything else you've said points to a decent relationship, and thus I am inclined to say, based on the things you've written, that you are being a bit paranoid, probably because you think so highly of her/ value your relationship.

I think you have nothing to go on at the moment and should try to enjoy your relationship with her. If you get too paranoid and start doing stupid things as a result, this will only pull you apart from her.

Do things for her that make her want to be with you, not which will cause tension.

If you absolutely must, make a few jokey comments about he "running off with some guy for work" and gauge her response. You could also ask her if she is ok, and whether she is happy, but I still think that these approaches are a bit pre-mature for what you've said.

In any case, all the best, and let us know how it goes.

Punch her in the nuke, orbit her ovaries.

But seriously +1 concrete evidence.

Texting someone is not tantamount to cheating.

Since it didn't say anything about the contents of the texts, how do you know that she wasn't telling him to back off?

She might have been texting the guy as a friend and hes taken it the wrong way or whatever, thats why you need to alk to her.

On the other hand shes never going to trust you again because you only got all this information from spying.

Those texts she is (has?) been sending could be telling a guy to get lost as she is with someone.

The best advice has already been given, just sit and wait, try not to give it too much thought.

platypus said:

Texting someone is not tantamount to cheating.

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Quite! She is allowed to have friends is she not?

Secondly, to the OP, You sound a little possessive. Not being able to get in touch for what, a whole afternoon, whilst you are at work? Is she not allowed to have a life? Do you not actually have work to do?

Moses99p said:

Turned up at her parent's house at five... they were in the back garden or something... so she had to phone them to get let in?

And even if there's texting going on, could all be in a jokey way... meh.

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No, A) has a key and B) back of house is open
As for text's, perhaps, but why delete those and keep others?


She just text'd and phoned me on her lunch hour saying she won't manage to be home before I go to work, highly unusuall but is looking forward to tomorrow (were off) and asked me to check her passport for our holiday as mine needs renewing and is hers ok.

Maybe you guys are right, maybe I am being paranoid, time will tell, Maybe I am reading into it far too much. Well see.

lol bit paranoid checking her stuff without her knowledge... The wrong mindset can make anything seem incriminating, i would try to forget about it.

Magic_x_uk said:

As for text's, perhaps, but why delete those and keep others?
.

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Maybe, she didn't want her boyfriend to stumble upon them and get the wrong end of the stick?

Magic_x_uk said:

She just text'd and phoned me on her lunch hour saying she won't manage to be home before I go to work, highly unusuall but is looking forward to tomorrow (were off) and asked me to check her passport for our holiday as mine needs renewing and is hers ok.

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Didn't say why? Ask?!

Gaijin said:

Didn't say why? Ask?!

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Some work to do