Dear technical support

[GordyR]

Dear Technical Support,


18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I
had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently
conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and
run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.



To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.



Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.



I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a
virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.



Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and GirlFriend 1.0 at the same
time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they
caused severe damage to my hardware.



I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product
soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up
all my available resources, it does come bundled with Cleanhouse2005.



Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very
unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in
Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months
later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary,
Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch Turbo Strop And
Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to
guess what the problem is.



Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring
ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be
reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my
Lotus Elise hard drive, it often crashes.



Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which
can't be turned off.



Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be
problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0
detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before
uninstalling itself.



Help requested please

 

[GordyR]

Try this gordy

Youngandfree1.3

This product should help with the girlfriend1.0 issues and revert all problems back to DrinkingMates 4.2. This coupled with Palmelahanderson 10.0 should help.

KaHn

Lol... Thank you for your help sir

 

[GordyR]

Not sure about the licensed version so I'm gonna stick with the trial version of girlfriend 1.0 for as long as possible, gives you most of the features but doesn't take up so many resources.

Perhaps you should consider switching to BangBuddy 2.4. It has all the usefull "input/output" features of Girlfriend 1.2, takes absolutely no resources whatsoever and once it's interface becomes worn you can easily upgrade to BangBuddy 2.5.

The only trouble is finding a copy in the first place.

 

[GordyR]

Well, finding a free copy anyway. Paid versions aren't as hard to find, but carry their own risks in terms of licensing...

Very true sir... But I would beware the paid versions. They tend to lack stability in their primary interface, connections are often very loose. One can only assume this is the result of too much data being passed through limited bandwidth. If you do decide to take this route however, I would suggest debugging the software before interfacing.

 

[GordyR]

True. Or putting up a very flexible firewall.

Ohh thats a good one mate, wish i'd thought of that first!

Have we taken this too far yet?

Never.

 

[GordyR]

Warning!

"Girlfriend 1.3" has been found to contain various spyware which may manifest itself upon uninstallation. The user can easily identify if he is infected by checking for the rogue process "ExFromHell.exe" in his task manager.

Symptoms include:

Keylogging - Any actions or interfacing with other software will be logged by this rogue process.

Popups - Popups can appear when attempting to install successive versions of "Girlfriend". The installation of such new and improved software will usually be halted by the rogue process and often will result in a GSOE. (Green Screen of Envy)

 

[GordyR]

My copy of Wife 1.0 has a buggy version of Cleanhouse. Can it be updated with a service pack ?

Unfortunately no. A defective version on Cleanhouse is usually unrepairable. The incompatibility rate between versions of Wife and Cleanhouse seems to be increasing these days.

May I suggest using software from a 3rd party such as FrenchMaid 3.5. This software also doubles up as an excellent "input/output" interface when Wife 1.0 is not accepting your login or password.

Frenchmaid 3.5 also comes with a fantastic "skinning" system. Just download the relevant "dll's" from their website and copy them in to your Frenchmaid folder. For example in your command prompt type:-

Copy C:\stockings.dll C:\Program Files\Frenchmaid
Copy C:\suspenders.dll C:\Program Files\Frenchmaid
Copy C:\peekaboobra.dll C:\Program Files\Frenchmaid

Alternatively just delete all the "dll's" in the Frenchmaid folder if you prefer the classic "bare" look.

 

[GordyR]

Trying to find a pun for Beta versions vs. full release or using file compression on overweight items, but can't think of anything.

Welcome to the Wife 5.6 Beta testing program. Please be aware that not all features are enabled in this release. Details of the limited functionality are listed below.

Oral recognition - Currently any oral requests will be met with stunned silence. We are working hard to implement this and you can expect it to be complete in time for the full release. However, use of these oral functions will depend largely on the amount of resources the user allows "Wife 5.6" to consume.

Anti replication system - This is not yet active. Users should be sure to use an adequate firewall when interfacing with "Wife 5.6" to avoid unwanted replication. Failure to do so will result in your version of "Wife" becoming infected. Upon infection you will be given a 9 month grace period in which the issues can be remedied by installing "Abortion 2006". However if installation of "Abortion 2006" is not completed within the given grace period users should be advised that viral replication is then unstoppable. In such an event other applications such as "SexLife 3.4","BankAccount 8.9" and "Freedom 4.4" will be rendered useless and may as well be uninstalled.

 

[GordyR]

My Wife 1.0 no longer accepts floppy disks...

What can I do?

I would suggest upgrading your system to use a Hard Disk. Using a Floppy disk as ones primary interface can be an extremely traumatic experience. From your system log I can see that not only is your disk of the floppy variety but it is also only 1.44mb in size. This will cause all sorts of issues. In future be sure to read the minimum requirements on the packaging. Wife 1.0 needs a minimum of 6gb just for installation with 8gb being the recommended specification of your disk.

 

[GordyR]

2) Obtain an external usb stick and make use of both the front and rear interface?

Absolutely fantastic mate! I replied before you edited that part in. My answer pales in comparison to that!

 

[GordyR]

I find that all successive versions of Pamela Anderson since version 3.4C have been bloated and full of unnecessary additions. What's more, they are prone to causing overheating, which leads to melting and drooping silicon.

Indeed, the technology used in PamelaAnderson is becoming a bit long in the tooth now. It has had far too many upgrades tacked on to be considered useful in any way. Besides, a lot of the applications source code can now be found on the web for free. I recommend gathering the parts you require and compiling your own version.

 

[GordyR]

Does anyone know if LotsoAlchol4.6 would have allowed the two to be used at the same time?

It is quite possible. Why not consider a dual boot strategy? By installing different versions of "Girlfriend" on seperate partitions you should be able to minimise any overlap and have a trouble free system.

However if you are determined to get the seperate versions to work in unison I have heard that a small emulator called "Rohypnol 2004" is available on the underground file-sharing scene. Beware however that there are legal issues with the use of such software, I will not be held responsible should you have a system wide failure that not even "TopLawyer 9.8" can solve.

 

[GordyR]

Has anyone got a trial key for Girlfriend 3.1 as I'm perfectly happy with it (even with the restricted version of TidyHouse 2.0 - I find HouseKeeper Pro to fill in most of the missing functionality, I can live with the rest). I'm sure my trial version of Girlfriend3.1 must be coming to an end as I keep getting a nag box recommending an upgrade to Wife 1.0.

Thanks in advance.

I believe "Girlfriend 3.1" has some serious copy protection does it not? A key is not all that is needed. I would be happy to interface my USB dongle with your copy of Girlfriend 3.1 and give it a thorough licensing. Once I am done I am confident your copy of "Girlfriend 3.1" will no longer give you nag screens asking you to upgrade to "Wife 1.0" . However traces of my dongle usage may be left in your system.

 

[GordyR]

Are there any upgrades or patches available to ensure Lesb 3.1 no longer boots?

Sadly there is nothing I am aware of. I read recently that "Lesb 3.1" has a new sophisticated anti-piracy system and to date the application has consumed every "crack" that has been thrown at it.

 

[GordyR]

LOLOLOL - Very good Gordy

LOL cheers dude... Theres nothing like a good Innuendo.

 

[GordyR]

Sory to interject GoryR but...

You could try installing LesbPronPedia 2006 to help you understand the problems that 'My Wife 1.0' is having with Lesb 3.1.

Other that that I think you'd probably have to reset the firmware on 'My Wife 1.0' to factory settings and hope that Lesb 3.1 doesn't interfere again.

Ahh an interesting approach. Although be warned that prolonged usage of "LesbPronPedia 2006" has been know to increase the size of ones BIOS (Basic input output system) and in some cases cause the whole thing to blow.

 

[GordyR]

You have misunderstood...

Wife 1.0 has dual operating system. She currently boots into Hetro but occasionally reads Lesbo 3.1! (In normal english, she bats for both sides, currently my side! )

Oh in that case the first thing I would suggest is booting in to 'Safe Mode' and cleaning your system, making sure it is free from all cracks. 'Lesb 3.1' has a habit of searching out any such software, don't let it find any! Once this is complete proceed with your large hard disk installation and overwhelm 'Wife 1.0' with the size of it's gigabytes. That should get your system back on the straight and narrow.

Beware however that once 'Wife 1.0' has access to such a large hard drive it may reject any further attempts to install a USB stick in to it's rear port. If you find this to be the case then I would recommend you call out a technician such as myself who would be more than happy to defrag 'Wife 1.0' for you free of charge. Trust me, there's nothing a good 'defragging' can't solve.

 

[GordyR]

The full retail version is pretty expensive, though, if I remember correctly. It might be better to download some freeware, giving you the same basic functionality, albeit at a higher risk. I've heard some good things about CoatHanger 2.1 and CarAerial 1.6.

(Ouch... a little bad taste never hurt anyone though, right?!)

Lmao ouch indeed dude! I can see 'Wife 1.0' initiating a "Format C:" command after that!

 

[GordyR]

disk servicing agent to v0.1

Classic!

 

[GordyR]

hope no one minds but i have copied some of these to a word document that i may produce a website out of

Absolutely mate! Great idea! I'll be sure to eat my Weetabix tomorrow morning again and see if I can up the innuendo ante.