Funniest Thing a Mechanic has said to you!

BigglesPiP · 5 Nov 2007 at 21:26

nutcase_1uk said:
Me: I'd like to buy an atmospheric dump valve for my Saab 99 Turbo, but not sure what spring it needs.
Chap at Bailey motorsport: What type of dump valve does it currently have on it?
Me: None, it never had one from the factory.
Chap at Bailey motorsport: No, it must do, all turbo cars have to have a dump valve.
Me: Nope. Not this one, and no it's not a diesel.
Chap at Bailey: Can't be a turbo, it wouldn't work without a dump valve.
Me: Can I speak to someone else please?

Dump valve, waste gate, call it what you will, your 99 had one or both from factory.

laiman · 5 Nov 2007 at 22:30

From an Indian tire guy I know when looking for remoulds for an N-reg (dunno much bout the BMW E numbers) BMW518i...

"You've more chance of being bitten by a cabbage!!"

lol

Meridian · 5 Nov 2007 at 22:34

BigglesPiP said:
Dump valve, waste gate, call it what you will, your 99 had one or both from factory.

A waste gate and a dump valve are two different things doing two different jobs. I've never heard of a turbo engine without a waste gate, but I've heard of them without dump valves.

M

jongeeone · 5 Nov 2007 at 22:37

Took my L200 Warrior in for its first service, told the chap that the drivers seat was making a squeaky noise over bumps (anoying). Come back an hour later and he says.... "Sorry we could not recreate the noise" - So ok, i drive off - 'squeak'. SIGH.

Also, the in the front passanger footwell, some fascia had come off, so to fit it - he took a screw out the dor handle fascia and used that, so every time i open the door now, the handel literally comes off.

DannyW · 5 Nov 2007 at 22:38

"golf sdi has a light pressure turbo"

"£150 per hour"

BigglesPiP · 5 Nov 2007 at 23:10

Meridian said:
A waste gate and a dump valve are two different things doing two different jobs. I've never heard of a turbo engine without a waste gate, but I've heard of them without dump valves.

M

And I've heard of engines with 1 valve doing both.

Dogbreath · 5 Nov 2007 at 23:28

BigglesPiP said:
Dump valve, waste gate, call it what you will, your 99 had one or both from factory.

As said they are entirely separate devices, performing very different functions. FWIW it's not actually necessary to have either to make a turbo system work, the job of the wastegate can be performed by either a restriction in the exhaust or in the inlet to limit boost. Neither is a particularly efficient method of boost control however.

Dogbreath · 5 Nov 2007 at 23:29

BigglesPiP said:
And I've heard of engines with 1 valve doing both.

How does that work then?

BigglesPiP · 6 Nov 2007 at 00:49

Dogbreath said:
How does that work then?

Electronically controlled valve maintains max boost, and releaves the boost to return to idle.

nutcase · 6 Nov 2007 at 06:57

I think the original Porsche turbo didn't have a wastegate, and probably the BWM 2002 Tii as well - my car was the first to have one. I never said it didn't.

It never had a dump valve though. Hadn't been invented

And defintiely not a nescessity.

Freefaller · 6 Nov 2007 at 07:14

I had the RAC come out when the alarm was giving me problems - he got the car started and gave it a blip he said "oh that sounds fruity, shame it's a bit of a girl's car..." He thought it was funny.... :/

danza · 6 Nov 2007 at 07:51

I had a puncture 'fixed' by a KwikFit in my town a while back. The same day the tyre was all but completely flat. So, off goes SWMBO to complain and get them to fit/fix it properly.
She returns home with the car and after being asked what their excuse was she told me they said it was rust on the rim preventing it from sealing properly. Fine, except the wheel was an ALLOY! :rolleyes:

!

Dogbreath · 6 Nov 2007 at 08:15

Alloys corrode and are very prone to leaking around the rim as they get older.

Oblivious · 6 Nov 2007 at 11:20

The mechanic in the south of France when my Lotus broke down on holiday. He had to ask where the coolant tank was with the engine bay cover open. When I finally had the car recovered to the UK 5 weeks later or so it was in bits and in a terrible state.

Never ever ever ever ever trust a French mechanic. Especially one that didn't know what the car was

I'm sure Matteh, PeteNem, Olly and NickXX will back me up on that.

dalin80 · 6 Nov 2007 at 11:23

Dogbreath said:
Alloys corrode and are very prone to leaking around the rim as they get older.

true. more so then stealies as they get older as well.

R.O.S.S.I · 6 Nov 2007 at 11:26

"That'll be £85.99 for a new tyre for your car" - No it won't, GOODBYE!

BigglesPiP · 6 Nov 2007 at 13:48

danza said:
I had a puncture 'fixed' by a KwikFit in my town a while back. The same day the tyre was all but completely flat. So, off goes SWMBO to complain and get them to fit/fix it properly.
She returns home with the car and after being asked what their excuse was she told me they said it was rust on the rim preventing it from sealing properly. Fine, except the wheel was an ALLOY! !

All metals corrode under some condition.

And most Aluminium alloys corrode under standard conditions.

2Thumbs · 6 Nov 2007 at 20:53

"I've never worked on a torsion bar"

Stonedofmoo · 6 Nov 2007 at 21:13

"I've done about 100 Saab head gaskets, but I've done about 500 Rovers. I'm always getting them in"

Made me laugh when I thought of the owners on here who claim otherwise

Dreadi · 6 Nov 2007 at 21:32

"you'r rear number plate recess light isn't working"

It's the middle of the frickin' day so your not gonna be able to see it actually is on unless you get down on your knees and look at it you stupid old ****

Needless to say they ripped me off for 2 MOT payments and i'm never going back there again