Corporate buzz words

thatguyag3.gif
 
Urgh my old workplace was hell for these.

Let's get our ducks in a row.
Moving forward.
Bleeding edge (just because the product is crap doesn't mean you can call it bleeding edge).
 
Thank God it's not just me that gets wound up by this sort of stuff.
I hear people say completely unnecessary stuff like "I've just had a dialogue with Steve" and it makes me want to strangle someone.
 
I particularly hate 'It's on my radar', although tbh it's just the tip of the iceberg.

My brain tends to automatically shut off once people start with this kind of speak...
 
excaliborg said:
"Have a quick 'whip around' the office to see who's interested"

Maybe not a buzzword as such but anoys me!
Click to expand...

Thats someone using the wrong terminology. A whip round is for cash for a collection for someone leaving or something.
 
Don't forget to "get your ducks in a row", whilst looking for a "strong cultural fit". Groan.

In our place everyone refers to the departments and people they don't know or understand as "the business", I openly laughed in the face of a woman I heard gassing into her phone as she walked down the corridor after she loudly stated "we need to get proactive feedback from the business". I hope she realised I was laughing at her, I really do.

I'm also doing a Prince2 course this week, and some of the phrases coming out of wanna be project manager's mouths are just priceless. I'm staying a techie, forever and ever.
 
I was on the tram the other day and this 'businessman' was having a ridiculously loud phone call. He insisted on overusing the word, 'fundamentally' in his conversation. It was in at least every sentence, there was just no need.

Things like that, where they must have heard the word and thought it sounded good. Well, not to me, it's just a basic dictionary entry, learn some more!
 
Hate said:
I hate words we've adopted as part of an "agile" programming way of working.

"Sprint", "Timebox", "Spike" being a few.
Click to expand...

That sounds like a normal morning on my project. The latest craze here is ASD workshop. I'm just about to go into a meeting with two different sets of consultants and senior client management. I'll be throwing those buzz words in like crazy :D Bonus marks for "Needs of the business" and "business need" in the same sentence.

Using the buzz words allows you to say "you incompetent fool, your department is a shambles and you are two weeks behind" without actually saying those words. Everyone can read between the lines and its good to say what you need to say without reducing them to tears.

Zirax (Manager in training) :D
 
Hate said:
I hate words we've adopted as part of an "agile" programming way of working.

"Sprint", "Timebox", "Spike" being a few.
Click to expand...
Sprint is better than "iteration" which is what it replaces, imo.

I hate timebox, spike, "quick win" and just about anything that isn't down to earth English in fact. I used to work for EDS.. that place had an entire department dedicated to creating new terminology.
 
You have to take a helicopters view of the situation and bring to the forefront any particular industry buzzwords so that the masses can draw a line in the sand and think outside of the box, this is unless they can pro actively draw from idea's from the back burner and sideline any current trends to upscale the profit/loss of the account, in which case you will have to think outside of the box and reconstruct the methodology to include best of breeds and to optimize the sustainability so that the account can be managed on a one-to-one basis, only then can you collaborate all the information, or data mining as we like to call it, to create the business standard metrics so you can control the due diligence of the matter in hand, only then can you view the problem with granularity and network to take appropriate action!


You mean that sort of stuff??? :d
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom