Would you want a girl you'd been seeing for 3 months to stay...

Three months is still very much early days, a lot of people being too harsh on you Bes.
Inviting her to "meet the parents" (or vice versa) can feel a bit too "serious", particularily in such a new relationship. I know what you mean. She's still relatively new to you and to incorporate her into what is a very close family orientated occasion can definitely feel quite awkward. Some people are really blowing it out of proportion IMO.

The fact that it's Christmas does add an emotional twist on the situation though. It's a difficult one, it really is. I think I might end up giving in and letting her stay though. Like other's have said it depends how much you value the relationship.
 
Well I've just spent 45 minutes talking to her and now she is adamant she won't come, so that looks like the end of that.
 
Bes said:
Because of WORK!
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You don't work 24hrs a day though do you? All I'm suggesting is if I wanted space from a GF, I'd pick a less emotionally laden time. Even if you're working, you'd still have weekends and evenings to yourself.

There may not have been any malice intended, it just comes across as cold.

She's adamant she's not coming now because of your original position, nothing else.
 
That is pretty harsh to leave her on her own over Christmas, when you don't really have a solid reason for her not to come with you.

She'll be adament about not coming because she knows you don't really want her there.
 
Evenings and weekends? I work 9-7 most days and most of my weekends will be spent traveling.

I'm feeling kind of mixed about the whole thing now.
 
mks2005 said:
Three months is still very much early days, a lot of people being too harsh on you Bes.
Inviting her to "meet the parents" (or vice versa) can feel a bit too "serious", particularily in such a new relationship. I know what you mean. She's still relatively new to you and to incorporate her into what is a very close family orientated occasion can definitely feel quite awkward. Some people are really blowing it out of proportion IMO.

The fact that it's Christmas does add an emotional twist on the situation though. It's a difficult one, it really is. I think I might end up giving in and letting her stay though. Like other's have said it depends how much you value the relationship.
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The reason some people might be being harsh is the attitude which seems to be one of:

"I want you when its convenient to me but not when its not" She is on her own very much like he is in a foreign city. For her going back to her family and loved ones is not an option. Surely its not unreasonable for her to want to spend it to the person she next feels closest to?
 
mks2005 said:
Three months is still very much early days, a lot of people being too harsh on you Bes.
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Perhaps we are being harsh, but there are a few people still around that expect a guy to be a little chivalrous. Yes, 3 months is a very short time and normally you wouldn't expect to spend holidays together at that point. However, if I'd been with someone 3 days and I got wind that they'd be spending Christmas alone I'd absolutely insist they come and spend it with my family.

This guy has made a bunch of statements pointing to the fact that he doesn't love her, and when he moves away permanently he doesn't intend on staying with her. He's blatantly using her while he's in Spain and isn't willing to put himself out in any way, other than to pay for the occasional meal or cinema ticket (wow). It's selfish on a massive scale. In the 3 months she's spent under the illusion she's in a proper relationship with this guy she could have found someone who really appreciates her and have started a relationship that actually has a future.

One night stands are one thing, but stringing someone along for 3 months is very cruel and downright shameful.
 
How the hell do you know its the occasional meal or cinema ticket?

For your information, I have paid for > 50 meals for her, bought her flights and expensive train tickets around various places in Spain, bought her gifts, and more!

So why don't you **** off jumping to conclusions?

And what's more, can you (or anyone else) honestly say you loved every person you were with for longer than 5 minutes? I bet you can't.
 
You have said you do not love her, fairly confident you never will love her, and when you have stopped working in Madrid it will be over.

Have you made the above clear to her so she knows how you feel or is she under the impression that you feel the same way about her that she apparently feels about you?
 
I am pretty confident she knows it will end when I leave.

Even if I wanted to make it work, I couldn't because I could be literally anywhere in the world for any period of time. She knows this too.
 
As long as she knows its a relationship of convenience then you have a lot more freedom than a proper relationship.
 
Bes said:
How the hell do you know its the occasional meal or cinema ticket?

For your information, I have paid for > 50 meals for her, bought her flights and expensive train tickets around various places in Spain, bought her gifts, and more!

So why don't you **** off jumping to conclusions?

And what's more, can you (or anyone else) honestly say you loved every person you were with for longer than 5 minutes? I bet you can't.
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Oh, you paid for all those for her? Why didn't you say so! I take it all back, you're clearly a gentleman of the highest calibre!

By the way champ, if you decide to post something like this on a public forum you invite people to pass their judgement on the situation. So don't get all whiney when you get an opinion that doesn't match your own.

Personally I can't understand how you can't have foreseen that people would think you're a bit of a spanner given some of the stuff you've said.
 
Bes said:
And what's more, can you (or anyone else) honestly say you loved every person you were with for longer than 5 minutes? I bet you can't.
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I think that's half the problem with most of the posters in this thread. They all seem the type that probably WOULD fall in love with anyone that paid them any attention after 5 minutes.

I understand where you're coming from completely, I'd find it really strange having someone over to my parents at Christmas time that I'd only just recently got together with.

Christmas is the only time I really get to spend with my family. I would have been the same with my current missus after 3 months, in fact my parents didn't even meet her for at least a year! Now years later the relationship is obviously a lot more advanced and we always spend Christmas together at either her family or mine. Although this year I'm cooking at our place and they are all coming here!

I've actually spent Christmas alone one year. I moved to Germany on 17th December and spent Christmas alone in my hotel room. It was the most relaxed Christmas I've ever had. :D
 
Bes said:
How the hell do you know its the occasional meal or cinema ticket?

For your information, I have paid for > 50 meals for her, bought her flights and expensive train tickets around various places in Spain, bought her gifts, and more!
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Well if you've paid for more than 50 meals how dare she want to spend Xmas with you? :rolleyes:

It's not how much you spend on her that's important. It's the fact you want to leaver her on her own at Christmas in a foreign country because like the rest of us you have a job, and need some time to yourself.
 
Like I said tell me how I am stringing her along... She knows this won't last past the end of my time in Madrid and I don't do anything but treat her well when I am with her.

My decision was about whether to incorporate her into a very close family oriented time. Had it been any other time of year and the decision would have been far easier for me.
 
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