Thursdays Joke

Sonea Fifer

Sonea Fifer

Sonea Fifer

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Joined
13 Dec 2006
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On the forest moon Endor
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?" :D
 
Do we actually know the date that the joke is set in? I mean, it might be the day after the end of the war for all we know, in which case its not really as bad as it sounds...
 
Mat said:
Do we actually know the date that the joke is set in? I mean, it might be the day after the end of the war for all we know, in which case its not really as bad as it sounds...
Click to expand...

Good point. Anyway, technically she is still staying in the attic. It is her choice to do so, and she had agreed to pay rent in the form of sexual favours. She won't have a leg to stand on in a court of law.
 
Reminds me of the other confessional joke I know:

An assistant priest at a church is nervous because the father is going on holiday, and he's not looking forward to taking confession. So he approaches the father and tells him his worries. "Worry not, my son" speaks the elder, and shows him the secrets of confessional. "We have a 'pick your penance™' chart here, just choose the sin and it gives you the penance required!" And so the assistant is mollified.

So the priest goes on holiday and the assistant is sat in the confessional, waiting for the daily traffic to begin. In comes the first person, who begins to confess her sins. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have had an affair with my next door neighbour." So, the assistant looks up adultery, and finds that the PYP™ denotes a penance of 10 hail mary's. He pardons the sinner and sends her on her way.

Next, a man comes in to the confessional. "Forgive me father for I have sinned, I desire my neighbours belongings", the assistant looks up Envy, and sees that it's 20 'our father's' for penance. A few more sinners come and go, and the assistant is more relaxed now, kicking back with a can of beer and a cigarette, really enjoying the days confessionals.

As the day is coming to a close, a young woman comes into the box. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob out of wedlock." The father turns to the PYP™ but can't find anything. Starting to panic that he's going to mess up on the last go, he leans out of the confessional and spots the altar boys preparing for the upcoming service. "Hey, you there. What does the father give for a blowjob?"








(..Yeah you got it..)



"Two packets of crisps and a can of coke!"
 
ScarySquirrel said:
Good point. Anyway, technically she is still staying in the attic. It is her choice to do so, and she had agreed to pay rent in the form of sexual favours. She won't have a leg to stand on in a court of law.
Click to expand...

Is it really her choice though if she is unaware that the reason she wanted to hide has now gone? I think the "landlord" needs to seek counselling and talk about why he feels he needs to hold her like this.
 
The wife has been giving me grief about there being too much football on the telly. "If it's not football, it's rugby, if it's not rugby then it's boxing and if it's not boxing, It's golf!" she said. So on Friday i booked a table at 8pm for us, so i could make it up to her. By 10pm she still hadn't potted a ******* red!
 
one day willy was shopping.
he bought 2 celeries, a brocolli, 3 tomatoes and a jacket potatoe
he went home and put them away. 2 hours later he felt hungry.
so he put the vegetables in a pot, added water and cooked for an hour.
he came back and his food was ready
he opened the lid and with the steam out popped a genie....
"I am vegenie! I will grant you 3 wishes!"
"car, money, woman!"
"DONE!"
and with a clap and pop willy ran outside and there was a car
in his wallet was money and in his living room was a giant baking potatoe.
puzzled willy went back to the pot and opened it and said
"where's my woman?" to which the genie replied
"stfu noob"
so the man ate vegenie and he was delightful.
that night the giant baking potatoe crushed willy.
the end
 
stevenazari1 said:
one day willy was shopping.
he bought 2 celeries, a brocolli, 3 tomatoes and a jacket potatoe
he went home and put them away. 2 hours later he felt hungry.
so he put the vegetables in a pot, added water and cooked for an hour.
he came back and his food was ready
he opened the lid and with the steam out popped a genie....
"I am vegenie! I will grant you 3 wishes!"
"car, money, woman!"
"DONE!"
and with a clap and pop willy ran outside and there was a car
in his wallet was money and in his living room was a giant baking potatoe.
puzzled willy went back to the pot and opened it and said
"where's my woman?" to which the genie replied
"stfu noob"
so the man ate vegenie and he was delightful.
that night the giant baking potatoe crushed willy.
the end
Click to expand...
FAIL HARD. HARD FAIL.
 
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