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I see the evil EU have PCed your joke.
Friday joke!
- Thread starter gillywibble
- Start date
I see the evil EU have PCed your joke.
God preserve us.
A drunk walks up to the host of a party and says,
"'Scuse me, but do you have green toilet paper that says, '**** you?'"
The host looks disdainfully at the drunk and says,
"No, I don't have green toilet paper that says, '**** you.'"
"Oh, then I'm terribly sorry," says the drunk,
" I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot."
---
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the
doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, “I need a urine sample, a stool
sample, and a sperm sample.” The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and
yells, “WHAT?? What did he say? What’s he want?” His wife yells back, “He needs your
underwear.”
"'Scuse me, but do you have green toilet paper that says, '**** you?'"
The host looks disdainfully at the drunk and says,
"No, I don't have green toilet paper that says, '**** you.'"
"Oh, then I'm terribly sorry," says the drunk,
" I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot."
---
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the
doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, “I need a urine sample, a stool
sample, and a sperm sample.” The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and
yells, “WHAT?? What did he say? What’s he want?” His wife yells back, “He needs your
underwear.”
Man of Honour
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He won't the government will institue sharia and we will all be stoned beheaded or hung, after all we have to accept it as its the pc way to go.
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i dont really get the first joke, well i sort of do but its not funny.
An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska admiring all that evolution had created.
"What majestic trees !
What a powerful river !
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13 foot Kodiak bear beginning to charge toward him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest he tried to run even faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up he saw the bear reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to deliver a killing blow.
"OH MY GOD !" he pleadingly screamed.
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the powerful river stopped flowing.
A brilliant light shone upon the man and a thunderous voice came from all around,
"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS. YOU TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST. YOU EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER? "
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years and under these circumstances but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian? "
"VERY WELL" said the voice.
The light went out.
The river ran.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
The huge bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed and spoke............
"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."
"What majestic trees !
What a powerful river !
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13 foot Kodiak bear beginning to charge toward him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest he tried to run even faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up he saw the bear reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to deliver a killing blow.
"OH MY GOD !" he pleadingly screamed.
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the powerful river stopped flowing.
A brilliant light shone upon the man and a thunderous voice came from all around,
"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS. YOU TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST. YOU EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER? "
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years and under these circumstances but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian? "
"VERY WELL" said the voice.
The light went out.
The river ran.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
The huge bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed and spoke............
"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."
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I've just read that in the religious toast thread
yeah I posted it there as well, but it went unnoticed so I thought I'd give it a go in this thread.
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet £10,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop,she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES YES, I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked,'What did she roll?' The other answered,'I don't know - I thought you were watching'.
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are stupid..
Not all blondes are dumb,
But all men are men
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop,she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES YES, I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked,'What did she roll?' The other answered,'I don't know - I thought you were watching'.
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are stupid..
Not all blondes are dumb,
But all men are men