Really, really too many to mention. I'm sure I could write a series of books based on my drunken escapades, having been borderline alcoholic by 18.
A few :
1. At a small house party, drinking a bottle of Tequila in shot form for the night, I decided at the end of said bottle and a massive hoagie that I needed to visit the toilet. This was just as me and a mate had popped "Re-Animator" on to watch. Cue the movie ending and my mate visiting the next room to ask where I was. This lead to a "search and rescue" with my wife (then girlfriend) and another mate checking the bathroom, which I had locked from the inside and passed out on the floor. They managed to shout me awake, but I wasn't making any sense. The conversation was something like this :
THEM : "G, are you in there??"
ME: "Baarrrhhh."
THEM: "Open the door."
ME: "Sleeping."
THEM : "Stand up and open the door."
ME: "A.....R.....M.....I"
THEM: "What's he doing?" - "Listen?"
ME: "S......H.....A"
THEM : "G, are you spelling the name of the toilet?"
ME: <cheekily> "Yeeeeeeeeeees!"
They managed to coerce me into unlocking the door. Upon opening it, apparently I fell straight out, face first, rigid as an ironing board onto the floor. I don't remember any of it.
2. Me and mates drunkenly recording our own songs, "Jack Daniels", "Good Friends and a Bottle of Buckfast" and another one I can't remember in the style of Wesley Willis. The next week, I was hanging out of a friends' bedroom window at 1 in the morning giving the entire neighbourhood a live rendition of "Jack Daniels".
3. Getting the cork stuck in a bottle of wine, so deciding to open it by hitting it against the wall outside to break the neck. The entire top half of the bottle shattered. Still drank it straight from the other - extremely spiky - half.
4. I and another friend used to pour half a bottle of spirits (either whiskey or southern comfort) into a glass each, hold our noses and down it. It took about 2-3 minutes of standing over the sink and controlling your breathing to make sure it stayed down, but if it did you knew you had roughly 20 minutes before it was Game Over. This was extremely fun for us, so we'd try to get ourselves into social situations within those 20 minutes so that when it happened, everyone else would be infinitely confused.
5. At a friends house one night after coming back from a club, he broke out a bottle of gin from his parents' drink cabinet. The only thing I'd eaten was a chocolate Nutri-Grain (horrible) and half a wholemeal sandwich, but I - already wasted - got stuck into downing this gin from the bottle. After a few downs, cue requirement to vomit (according to others I was lurching and throwing up into the bottle WHILE still downing it...they could see little vom flakes making their way into the gin inside the bottle). I stood up, turned and ran out of the room, trying not to puke yet, and ran to the bathroom. I took the wrong door and ended up standing in his brother's bedroom, confused, for those crucial seconds before turning to the toilet, which I puked ALL over. In the end, I'd left a trail of puke down the hall, a puddle at his brother's bedroom door, and all over almost every surface of the toilet. Haven't been back there since.
6. The pièce de résistance, which I shall never be allowed to forget was shortly after I moved in with my long-suffering girlfriend. At a night with a few friends, I drank almost a whole litre bottle of Teachers whiskey, foul stuff. She was in bed as she had to get up in the morning. I stood up, walked out and into the bedroom where she was sleeping, lifted the corner of the duvet and folded it over, then proceeded to urinate on the bed. She started screaming at me and I finished up, folded the duvet back in place, patted it and said "Don't worry, it'll flush," then staggered back out of the room. She spent the next 4 minutes shaking and slapping me, screaming her head off. Apparently I had no idea what I'd done, stumbled into the living room and cried myself to sleep. Absolutely mental.
***EDIT : Thought of more***
7. One night we broke out the camcorder and made a drunken home infomercial (in cheesy American style) for "Floor". It was totally edited on the fly by just rewinding the tape a little and shooting the next bit hoping it would come out well. It was hilarious, with my mate stamping on the ground in the kitchen stating "Floor is sturdy, and meets all your supporting needs.", then it cuts to him lying on the floor. He turns, points up into the camera with a big cheesy grin and says "Floor is pure comfort." That was a blast. We stuck it on the TV afterwards and watched it about 50 times, killing ourselves. I think substances other than alcohol may have been involved.
8. Me and 3 mates one night wasted, with a laptop hooked up to the TV and surround sound amp. We decided that Microsoft Narrator was hilarious, and spent literally 2 hours making it repeatedly say "foreground window", mimicking it, then typing suspect phrases into Notepad and making it read them. Again, the wife was in bed and had to be up in the morning. She was NOT impressed when she surfaced.
9. When I was 16/17, I was growing my hair and it was at the chin-length stage all round. Well, absolutely trollied at a house party, sitting in an armchair with snooker on the TV - I felt the urge to vom. You know that sickly tasting saliva that starts to fill your mouth. I'm sitting there debating quietly with myself whether I should go to the bathroom (long shot as I was unlikely to make it upstairs), or the kitchen, just across the room. I decided that I would be better off just attempting to swallow anything that came up. Well, a mouthful did and when I was "steeling" myself to swallow it, another followed. I put my hand in front of my mouth and barfed DIRECTLY into it, a huge shower of puke flying out in all directions. My hair was drenched in chunks, hanging in front of my face and I could only go "hurrrrrggghhhh". Some chick at the party who I didn't know cleaned me up.
loved that!
