I think she is cheating……

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knip said:
9 times out of 10 in cases like this (where you know someone, and know theyre acting different - ive had it happen to me twice so I know what you mean) this being in limbo situation is horrible believe me, and its torture.
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9 times out of 10 what? You didn't actually say.
 
Knip is probably right. I've been in this situation before and it isn't nice. I didn't go out of my way to snoop, or even snoop at all. But I very rarely get jealous and can keep my cool up to quite a high point. So when your gut feeling is that something isn't right with your partner (that you've spent so much time with for however many months, years), it's likely that you don't feel that way without reason.

As stated before, confront her about it but don't say about you wanting to install a keylogger on her laptop... I can seldom remember a time where I've felt as sick and generally bad as I did when I was in your situation. Even the breakup wasn't as bad as it. There's no point in prolonging this pain for yourself, ask her and see what happens.
 
Mate, don't be ridiculous using a keylogger, you're an adult in an adult relationship. Don't tell her you've been looking at her phone but ask her if there is anything you should be concerned about, if everything is ok etc. Tell her you've noticed she's been a little different recently and you're the sort of person that would rather have things out in the open. Don't read her texts anymore and again don't install a keylogger, the second you do that your relationship is effectively over imo.
 
I actually felt a sense of relief both times I found out what was going on, mainly because it meant the feelings I was having were right and I wasnt going insane.
 
This thread is pathetic.

You have three options:
1. Say and do nothing whilst remaining in a pointless relationship - pointless due to a severe lack of trust on your part. Continue your crap excuse for an investigation.
2. Man up, confront her with your concerns.
3. Man up, ditch her and stop wasting precious time on a pointless relationship.

Take your pick.
 
just talk to her, dont mention youve been snooping just say recently you've been acting out of character and you want to know if everything is ok?

MW
 
A relationship with no trust is no fun. You're going to get more and more paranoid and it's going to eat away at you. You need to confront her... I wouldn't beat around the bush as she might just fob you off. Tell her you think that she's cheating and why and see what she comes back with. If she's not and honestly loves you she should want to prove there's nothing going on by being more open etc.
 
If shes cheating, she's cheating and you always eventually find out. What you have to be aware of is that when you get to the point that you're checking up on her behind her back, and I'm guilty of this too, you can start to alienate her and become cold towards her which can be a catalyst towards her cheating or leaving you anyway.

My advice, keep your nose out and go about your usual business and if you love her as you say you do, you can't put a foot wrong. If it turns out shes messing you about then shes not worthy of your love. Any other way could end up in someone being hurt, if its meant to be it will just happen.

There's nothing wrong with discussing your relationship though, which can indirecty show any cracks and potential issues. I think outright asking if shes cheating will show distrust and cause problems if it is not the case she is cheating.
 
On the other side of the opinion of "confronting her now with limited evidence/talking it out etc"

You could use hidden cameras, keyloggers, the whole hog, there is even discreet software you can put on her phone that will text you whatever messages she gets, either via text messaging (but this would show up on her bill) or via bluetooth, but obviously your phone has to be in range to pick this up.

You need concrete evidence before confronting her, which you will only get via more investigation, once you have it, you can confidently approach her with the evidence to break it off first, knowing there is no doubt she is cheating.

This is coming from someone who doesn't trust anyone, and above all women :p Yes I am bitter and twisted :P

edit: A quite easy way of finding out if she is indeed lying, if you have a good mate that she doesn't really know well, or what car he may drive, then when she says "I'll be at my parents" or "I'm going to the pub with friends after work" then get him to follow her and get him to ring you if she deviates from what she has said.
 
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She's obviously hiding something - you're right, why would "His" number be top? Why would she be deleting those messages unless she had something to hide? You say things are 'weird', like there's something she needs to say - maybe you're right, maybe she does, or maybe it's your own feelings, creating that atmosphere.

There's obviously a lack of trust here - soemthing which you need to do about now. Either you do more to find out what's going on (which I would say is something that I'd probably do (but may not suggest you do) or confront her - dwelling on it and not really doing anything is just going to push her away, hurt you more and make things a lot worse.
 
This thread makes me feel sick :(

I feel for you matey, have been there myself.

I would just come out with it and ask her. You have trust issues as it is, you dont trust her. So she will either come clean, fly off the handle or talk things through and tell you its all nothing.

Be prepaired for the coming clean or flying off the handle. but at least you will know either way.

You have to find out one way or the other now the doubt is in your mind. Its not a good place to be. So to speak :(
 
Talk to her about it but don't accuse her of it. If she hasn't done anything but she knows you think she is, then she might justify it to herself as "well he thinks I'm doing stuff already so I may as well as he doesn't believe me anyway"

As has been said, it all comes down to trust, accusing her of cheating will make it clear there is a lack of trust in your relationship. You might be best saying it's something you are worried about, hopefully your worries are over nothing, but also if she hasn't done anything, and was just considering it she may realize she wouldn't be able to get away with it.

Also regarding this:

I think one thing is I’m so worried about if we split, I let a family member down by not using there holiday apartment.
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Don't worry about it, otherwise if that is your reason for staying together, after your holiday things may start to draw to an end if you were just holding out till then. If you finish with your gf take a mate and get drunk or go alone and enjoy yourself.
 
Jotun said:
You might be best saying it's something you are worried about, hopefully your worries are over nothing, but also if she hasn't done anything, and was just considering it she may realize she wouldn't be able to get away with it.
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Well there are clearly problems in the relationship if she was considering that in the first place.
 
Inquisitor said:
Well there are clearly problems in the relationship if she was considering that in the first place.
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Perhaps "considering it" wasn't the best way to put it, but if its just a friend who she has a laugh with, and perhaps he acts a little flirty at times. If she was in a position to make a decision to take it any further or not then she might be more inclined to if she knows that the OP already thinks she is.
 
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