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- 30 Dec 2003
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Taken from n4g.com
10) "What would monsters want with the Norn's datastacks?"
Just for the sheer 'huh?' of it, this is a great early welcome to the goofy world of Too Human. Does it help if I explain that Norn is supposed to be an acronym for "non-organic rational nano-systems"? I didn't just make that up. Honest. It's true. It's mentioned briefly from the main screen, but you probably wouldn't know that. Who loiters at the main screen besides people taking notes about bad dialogue?
9) "Make sure courage guides your sword hand, not your fear."
Why would courage guide your fear? That makes no sense.
8) "Make sure you die on your feet and not cowering behind some fetid corpse."
"Fetid" is one of those words that you probably shouldn't say out loud. There are few creatures in Too Human that have the word "fetid" in their names. That's okay. But saying "fetid" like it was a spoken word rarely works. Seriously. You try it. I challenge you to use "fetid" in a sentence today and not have everyone look at you as if you're some kind of freak. Let me know how that works for you.
7) "I aim to get out of here."
"Yeah, but will it be in a bag or on a pair of Valkyrie wings?"
"Damn comedians."
This exchange is memorable because no one has said anything that can even remotely be construed as funny. As near as I can tell, "damn comedians" is an utter non sequitur.
6) "Come on, boys, let's party."
Wait, did I really hear that? Did one of my followers just enjoin his cyber-Norse companions to "party"? What game is this again? And can I get David Cross in here for a reading of that line?
5) "We shall free the world from cold stagnation."
Stagnation doesn't strike me as the sort of thing from which you're "freed". Specifying the temperature of the stagnation doesn't help the liberation imagery. Damn comedians.
4) "Your fear soaks your armor. I can smell it."
Not many videogames feature characters who smell each other.
3) "There be monsters here."
I think this was an attempt at a "here there be dragons" construction, but it sounds instead like Ebonics. Damn comedians.
2) "As executor of the will of the Aesir, I will destroy you."
Then, as the keeper of the materiel manifest for the Aesir, I will either equip or sell the items that you drop.
I know you thought you were almost done, but I'm afraid there's a three-way tie for the single most unbelievable bit of dialogue from Too Human:
1) "Did you toast to me when I lay upon a marble slab in hell?"
This line is followed by an awkward silence. No joke. The character says it at a party and then everyone clams up and won't make eye contact with him. I'm not sure why, because I'd long since given up trying to make sense of what passes for a story in Too Human. But in my head, the awkward silence was from everyone wondering whether to correct his usage of "lay".
1) "Your agonized shrieks shall be your only monument."
That's some serious performance art stuff there. Set up some speakers, play the sounds of someone yelling his fool head off, and call it a monument. Can I get someone to write up an NEA grant proposal for me?
1) "If that's your best, bring on your worst."
Yeah, sure, it sounds snappy, but when you try to parse out what's actually being said, it makes zero sense. I nominate this line from Too Human as the Most Likely to Be Uttered By Steven "I'll take you to the bank...the blood bank" Seagal. Damn comedians.
10) "What would monsters want with the Norn's datastacks?"
Just for the sheer 'huh?' of it, this is a great early welcome to the goofy world of Too Human. Does it help if I explain that Norn is supposed to be an acronym for "non-organic rational nano-systems"? I didn't just make that up. Honest. It's true. It's mentioned briefly from the main screen, but you probably wouldn't know that. Who loiters at the main screen besides people taking notes about bad dialogue?
9) "Make sure courage guides your sword hand, not your fear."
Why would courage guide your fear? That makes no sense.
8) "Make sure you die on your feet and not cowering behind some fetid corpse."
"Fetid" is one of those words that you probably shouldn't say out loud. There are few creatures in Too Human that have the word "fetid" in their names. That's okay. But saying "fetid" like it was a spoken word rarely works. Seriously. You try it. I challenge you to use "fetid" in a sentence today and not have everyone look at you as if you're some kind of freak. Let me know how that works for you.
7) "I aim to get out of here."
"Yeah, but will it be in a bag or on a pair of Valkyrie wings?"
"Damn comedians."
This exchange is memorable because no one has said anything that can even remotely be construed as funny. As near as I can tell, "damn comedians" is an utter non sequitur.
6) "Come on, boys, let's party."
Wait, did I really hear that? Did one of my followers just enjoin his cyber-Norse companions to "party"? What game is this again? And can I get David Cross in here for a reading of that line?
5) "We shall free the world from cold stagnation."
Stagnation doesn't strike me as the sort of thing from which you're "freed". Specifying the temperature of the stagnation doesn't help the liberation imagery. Damn comedians.
4) "Your fear soaks your armor. I can smell it."
Not many videogames feature characters who smell each other.
3) "There be monsters here."
I think this was an attempt at a "here there be dragons" construction, but it sounds instead like Ebonics. Damn comedians.
2) "As executor of the will of the Aesir, I will destroy you."
Then, as the keeper of the materiel manifest for the Aesir, I will either equip or sell the items that you drop.
I know you thought you were almost done, but I'm afraid there's a three-way tie for the single most unbelievable bit of dialogue from Too Human:
1) "Did you toast to me when I lay upon a marble slab in hell?"
This line is followed by an awkward silence. No joke. The character says it at a party and then everyone clams up and won't make eye contact with him. I'm not sure why, because I'd long since given up trying to make sense of what passes for a story in Too Human. But in my head, the awkward silence was from everyone wondering whether to correct his usage of "lay".
1) "Your agonized shrieks shall be your only monument."
That's some serious performance art stuff there. Set up some speakers, play the sounds of someone yelling his fool head off, and call it a monument. Can I get someone to write up an NEA grant proposal for me?
1) "If that's your best, bring on your worst."
Yeah, sure, it sounds snappy, but when you try to parse out what's actually being said, it makes zero sense. I nominate this line from Too Human as the Most Likely to Be Uttered By Steven "I'll take you to the bank...the blood bank" Seagal. Damn comedians.
