Dust busters, Bunny boilers and super gay poofs!

Admiral Huddy

Admiral Huddy

Admiral Huddy

Man of Honour
Joined
17 Feb 2003
Posts
29,640
Location
Chelmsford
Here's some advice to anyone married:

a) Never call your father in law a Super Gay Poof (SGP) with your mates, when they are actually both closer to you think.

b) Never buy your wife a dust buster for her birthday then tell her how you like to get down and dirty

c) Never tell your wife when watching Fatal Attraction, even if you are just jesting, that she is a bunny boiler when once upon a time, she was once your mistress.


Never do these ever.


Please share your advice

Any TFTI Jesus will be hit with my broken dust buster!!
 
Things not to say to your pregnant wife:

"Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."

"Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"

"I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

"Well, couldn't they induce labor? The twenty fifth is the Super Bowl."

"Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

"I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

"Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

"Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

"Got milk?"

"Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

"Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

"Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

"You don't have the guts to pull the trigger, Lardass."

"Sure you'll get your figure back -- we'll just search 1985 where you left it."

"Keys are on the fridge, honey. I'll see you at the hospital at half-time."

"Sure, the doctor said you're eating for two - but he didn't mean two orcas."

"Honey -- Come show the guys your Brando impression!"

"What's the big deal? If you can handle *me* going in, surely you can handle a baby coming out."

"Hey, when you're finished pukin' in there, get me a beer, willya?"

"Why in the *world* would I want to rub your feet?"

"That's not a bun in the oven -- it's the whole friggin' bakery!"

"You know, now that you mention it, you *are* getting fat and unattractive."

"Oh, this is just great! Now, on top of everything else, child support."

"Yo, Fatass! You're blocking the TV!"

"No, I don't know where the remote is! Have you looked under your breasts?"

;)
 
Don't grab underneath her breasts and push them up high whilst saying: "So that's what they looked like in your twenties"

I did that the other night and the look I got...
 
Remeber if your walking past your boss and you "think" to yourself "what a ****ing arse" make sure you are thinking this and not saying it out loud :(
 
Don't dribble (from your mouth) on your partners face whilst in the missionary position.
Don't slip and punch your partner in the face during the same session.
 
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