The biggest decision I'll ever make! I need advice.

EasyG

EasyG

EasyG

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Basically my girlfriend has found out she is pregnant, And am literally falling apart now because she wants to keep it but i don't.So i need some opinions as am having a hard time thinking straight everything is so crazy at the moment.

heres a quick jist.

We've been together for just 6 months and just got back off our first holiday together and everything is fine till this happened. I've known her for about 3 years or so and shes like my best friend and i don't want to lose her, but a just don't think am ready to have kids yet.

I'm only just 25 and shes 21, we both earn around 17k in our jobs, which with our current lifestyle is great as we both live at home etc but now this has changed my outlook on my earnings.

We both have always said we weren't ready for kids for a few years and i firmly stuck by this and thought she had as well, at least thats what she was saying a few weeks back, now shes turned round saying she wants to keep it and that now is a good as time as any to have a baby. Yet in my opinion we couldn't cope.

We don't earn enough for a starters, we don't live together so would need to get a house. Basically when i wanted to have kids was when we were settled down with a house earning over 20k each (again prob not much to ppl here, we live in newcastle and 20k isn't to bad) and the time was right.

I've told my Mam and shes told her parents and they have both said they would support us whatever we decided.

thing is she said i should think about it but decided what she wanted would go so i've had no say in this, i've told her i dont want it cause where not ready but shes turned round saying its tough, she'll do it with me or without me. I don't want to lose her and i no not being with her and turning my back on her now would be really bad, but this is a massive change.

One of the main reasons she won't get rid of it is cause shes had an abortion before and said it was horrible, yet she talks like it wouldn't affect me but i no it would massivly, its not like am choosing the easy option or anything.

am not asking what to do before the usual crap comes of asking on the internet as is the case with some people on here, am merely asking for opinions, am 25 having a great time with a girl i love dearly and i don't want this to spoil things, the way i see it is this will basically rule my life for the next 20 years, am i wrong in thinking this.

She seems to think we'll be able to have a normal life going out seeing friends going on holidays etc, but i personally think shes deluded for thinking like this.

A really need some help here cause am breaking down with this whole situation.
 
Huge decision, I'm 21 and I think she's absolutely insane for wanting a kid at 21 ..

Didn't you use any type of contraception?
 
Man up, if she's having it she's having it.

All you have to decide is be with her, or not be with her and pay. Eother way your life has changed..

Move in and see how it goes.
 
In short, you have no real choice in whether she has the child or not. She already knows what an abortion is like and doesn't want to go through with it again.

So your choice boils down to stay with her and try to make it work, or leave her. Either way it is going to cost you financially and emotionally.
 
Seek professional advice if you're having difficulty dealing with it.

You made your first mistake not using contraception if you didn't want children, don't compound it by listening to random musing from people on the internetz
 
Ok mate - you've made your bed, now it's time to lie in it.

It's true that 2 x £17K makes it hard to raise a child...heck 2 x £100K makes it hard to raise a child....basically, you'll never have enough money. Kids rock your world...You need to man up basically. You have responsibilities now, and I guaranteee you that you'll love your child and they will love you. It'll change your life in ways you've never thought possible.

You are young enough that by the time the child is grown up you will still have a fair amount of time to go out and have fun.

Obviously you know where I stand here, but the decision is all yours of course. If you love her dearly then even though it's inconvenient, you will try your darnest to make sure that the child has its best possible start in life.
 
I've been in a very similar situation and although my ex did end up having an abortion, it spelled the end of the relationship.

Despite the the months of anguish an stress, looking back on it, I don't regret the decision. I wasn't ready for a child then and I'm still not now.

Look at your options:

1) You can support her decision and potentially send your life on a road you don't want to and end up unhappy. You might be surprised and all goes well but it's a total gamble.

2) Stick by your guns and try and convince her to have another abortion. If your GF is anything like my ex, this will not be easy. IT will strain your relationship to the edge, but lets be honest, there are bigger things at stake here.

3) If she does decide to have the baby, you can decide that you don't want to be apart of it's life. Personally I don't think I could do this, but it is an option.

Either way, you've got my sympathies, you've got a difficult few months ahead of you.
 
Seems like you're going to be a daddy whether u like it or not.

Do you want YOUR child growing up without YOU, or potentially without a father?

Its happened, u rolled the dice, u lost. Time to step up, it will hurt, a lot, but u need to do the honorable thing.
 
There's little you can do to change her mind, and it would be unfair of you to try to sway her decision. The best that you can do is stand by her and raise your child together or, if you do think it's too much and really can't stay with her, make sure you support her and your child financiall and by being a responsible parent.

You knew where you were sticking it & you knew the possible outcome. You have to face up to the consequesces and your responsibilities towards them.
 
well ultimately you cant make her get rid of the baby, and if she wants to keep it your going to help pay for him/her whether you stay together with her or not. Bottom line is it sounds like the decision has been made. The only thing you are in control of here is stay or split. Sorry but also congrats.
 
if she has the kid the question is....do you want to raise your child with her or want someone else to do your job for you?


...oh and i think you should turn emo
 
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