2 emails jokes I haven't heard before

KaHn · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:11

#1 said:
A middle-aged man bought a brand new Holden Monaro. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 130 kph, and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. This is great,' he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed.

But then he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there was a Police Car behind him, blue and red lights flashing. I can get away from him with no problem' thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 kph to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, 'What the hell am I doing?

I'm too old for this kind of thing' and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him. The Policeman pulled in behind the Monaro and walked up on the driver's side.

'Sir my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, 'Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back.'

The Policeman said, 'Have a nice day.'

#2 said:
The Cowboy!

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew
very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper
for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She
thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to
hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house
than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot
about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing
very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a
really good job, and the ranch looks great You should go into town and kick
up your heels.'

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired
hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he
found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine,
waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she
directed.

'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

'Now take off my stockings.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly
by her boots.

'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her
eyes in the fire light.

'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told
and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town
again, you're fired.'

KaHn

TheCenturion · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:14

rofl, they were funny

Nebzor · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:14

The last one was mediocre. The first was terrible.

shauncr91 · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:15

First one raised a chuckle, heard the second before though

Gaygle · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:16

2nd one was good haha

G|mp · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:18

First ones good second one was posted not long ago

mjer1984 · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:18

nice.

J.B · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:22

Second one made me chuckle, had heard the first one before.

Ben M · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:24

I liked the first one

I'm surprised that people havn't heard the second, it's rpetty old (but still a good 'un)

TheCenturion · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:25

Ben M said:
I liked the first one
I'm surprised that people havn't heard the second, it's rpetty old (but still a good 'un)

I've never heard either, maybe it just shows your age

A.N.Other · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:29

Second one is oooolld

J.T · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:31

I like...

KaHn · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:32

Nebzor said:
The last one was mediocre. The first was terrible.

Do better?

KaHn

Nebzor · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:35

KaHn said:
Do better?

KaHn

I cannot

Do not take my views on jokes you receive in your email inbox as a reflection on yourself, though.

Ben M · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:37

anant_shah94 said:
I've never heard either, maybe it just shows your age

I'm at the perfect age tbh. I can drink, but only just

You, on the other hand, aren't old enough to (legally):
Drive a car
have sex
Buy alcohol
Gamble

Those are the best pleasures in life. I think that I win

Gilly · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:41

Ben M said:
I liked the first one
I'm surprised that people havn't heard the second, it's rpetty old (but still a good 'un)

I'm surprised people haven't heard the first too, both old.

On the subject of the best pleasures, they're all heightened when done before being allowed

TheCenturion · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:41

Ben M said:
I'm at the perfect age tbh. I can drink, but only just

You, on the other hand, aren't old enough to (legally):
Drive a car
have sex
Buy alcohol
Gamble

Those are the best pleasures in life. I think that I win

Driving pollutes the environment, until electric cars, or any alternative fuel cars are mass produced and easily available in this country... I won't drive anyway

Have sex...

I may buy alcohol, but I will never drink, or have the desire to

Buying equities and other such things will be my game, so gambling will be my profession.

Checkmate

Kerplunk · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:49

linktoinsanity · 2 Apr 2009 at 11:52

^^lol

Thread = Win

VeNT · 2 Apr 2009 at 12:07

hehe #18 fails tho because women never have a sense of humour about these things!