Tuesday Jokes

Admiral Huddy

Admiral Huddy

Admiral Huddy

Man of Honour
Joined
17 Feb 2003
Posts
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Location
Chelmsford
A man making love to his new girlfriend notices a picture of a man on her bedside table..
"Is that your ex-husband?", he asked panting away.
"No no keep going"!!
"Your ex boy friend then ...", he asks.
"No not an ex", She replies.
"Dad, Brother??"
"NO NO", she says getting rather fed up..
"Well who then??", the boyfriend asks impatiently.
"Me 6 months ago"




A compulsive cheating husband is caught yet again in bed with another woman. This time with a midget.
"How could you Walter, after all your promised!!", his upset wife shouted.
"oh come on hun, at least I'm cutting back"!
 
both got a lol from me

platypus said:
What.
Click to expand...

Admiral Huddy said:
A man making love to his new girlfriend notices a picture of a man on her bedside table..
"Is that your ex-husband?", he asked panting away.
"No no keep going"!!
"Your ex boy friend then ...", he asks.
"No not an ex", She replies.
"Dad, Brother??"
"NO NO", she says getting rather fed up..
"Well who then??", the boyfriend asks impatiently.
"Me 6 months ago"
Click to expand...

She had a sex change 6 months ago

Admiral Huddy said:
A compulsive cheating husband is caught yet again in bed with another woman. This time with a midget.
"How could you Walter, after all your promised!!", his upset wife shouted.
"oh come on hun, at least I'm cutting back"!
Click to expand...

Midget = Cutting Back....
 
A couple were chatting when the suggestion of having a list of people who they would be allowed to sleep with should they have the opportuninty. The wife went first, "George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Robbie Williams are my choices" she says.

"OK then" replied the husband. "Your sister, your friend Sarah and the girl at the chippy are mine." :p
 
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table.

One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes. To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten pound notes.

He asks his wife, "What's up with all the notes?" to his wife which replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."
 
Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden while a nude model danced before them. Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and eleven other bells began to ring.
 
I never do well with women, they always want to hug, cuddle and pillow talk after sex.

I just like to slam the boot shut, and push the car into the river.
 
An Irish decorator was painting a house and the owner came home to find the man rushing about like a mad thing with his brushes.

'Why are you working so fast?' he asked.

'Well, you see, sor, the paint's running low and I want to finish the job before it's all gone.'
 
Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.

After the coroner leaves with Steve's body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve's wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.

"Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me!"

"What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?"

"Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve's widow. And, she said she wasn't, so I said I'd bet her a six-pack she was!"
 
There were 3 men, one Englishman one Scotsman and one Irishman. They were all sentenced to death by shooting so the policeman took them around the back of the court to be shot.

The Englishman was first, so he went up and waited, and the policeman said ready, aim, then the Englishman shouted 'blizzard'.

While everyone was looking for the blizzard, the man got away. So the Scotsman did the same thing, except he yelled out 'duck' and he too got away. The Irishman steps up and when the policeman said ready, aim, the Irishman yelled 'fire'.
 
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