Permabanned
- Joined
- 26 Nov 2009
- Posts
- 15
Hi all,
ive been reading this forums for a while but finally registered!
I am in a real dilemma at the moment, my girlfriend of 7 years has fallen pregnant (accidental, as protection was being used) 4 weeks ago.
We are both old enough to make the correct decision (28) but I really really do not want this child.
She has a child by another father already, who is 10, and this decision is crucial because I don't have much faith in the relationship anymore, you may say after 7 years its a close relationship, but we'd only see each other 2-3 times a week and have a holiday once a year. We don't live together.
She has suffered with depression before, and the talk of abortion is worrying her that it might bring it all back, the problem is now, she has finally got a decent job with real prospects, and is the opportunity to move forward with her career.
For me, I desperately do not want a child, not only that, i'd be going from living with parents, which I am extremely close to, to moving in with essentially TWO kids...Frightening isnt the word, but it's not just the scared part, I don't have faith in the relationship, we have had so many arguments and split up before, and a lot of things we really don't see eye to eye on, a baby will not bring us closer together, she has said I can walk away, but there is no way I could do that, it's just not on, however I don't want to be forced into a situation.
I want a child when I have been living with a partner for a while, because I don't want to have a child being brought up with seperate parents, and for her, it won't be good to have 2 kids with 2 different fathers! (her existing childs father has had another kid too!) Honestly, I just don't think it would last.
The pain of abortion is more likely to be short term, the pain of keeping a child for the wrong reasons is a LIFETIME, thats what I am trying to say.
Counsellors, even when supposedly 'non biased' all come back with the same generic response, almost like the world needs kids born to keep the population going!
I think our relationship was going to end pretty soon, because I just couldn't commit to moving in with her, as stupid, and selfish as it sounds, fine, I can admit it, but im not some idiot who doesn't care, im scared because I do care about this whole situation.
The baby is not choosing to be brought into the world, WE are choosing whether to bring it into the world or not.
It's not fair on a child to be brought up with a single parent family, seeing the father or mother every weekend or so, it's not fair on her to expect to bring a child up alone, it's not fair on me because I desperately do not want a child - im sure this could be looked upon as selfish, but I just can't do it, if it meant me being resented by her then I'd have to accept that, but I wouldnt want that, and I don't think that would be the case.
A lot of the time we seem more like friends - her child doesn't really take me seriously, if i told them off they would ignore it, and anything I ever say gets ignored unless her mother says its true or to do it etc - it's often extremely frustrating and another reason why I just can't handle the relationship on any higher a level.
Im sure i'll be shot down in flames by most of you on here but im just trying to be as truthful as I can, the bottom line is, she hasnt ruled out an abortion, but doesnt think she can do it because it may leave her depressed, without a job etc so im left in a position of feeling forced to say do it simply becuase of that.
Abortion is something that's perhaps not the nicest thought now, but is the better option overall, im sure the women who regret the abortion are not single parents already, how could they be? What benefit could they see in bringing ANOTHER child up on their own? And whilst im sure a lot do, im sure a lot don't regret it either, if they accept that the circumstances are for the right reasons, not just because they feel it, but because they understand the partner cannot deal with it, however pathetic it makes me look - I certainly wouldn't run from it, but I would be trapped because of how I feel about it all - several times I day I am feeling trapped, and panic and start breathing heavy, I get anxious because I have no control over anything and cannot bear it, it is literally twisting me inside out when I think of it - my only escape is if I put it out of my mind and think of something else, otherwise im really not sure what I can do, this isn't something friends or family could help me with, my body has already taken a pounding with this, I feel weak and pretty much helpess.Im laying at night unable to sleep because I can't bear what is going on.
Does anyone see my view?
Adz
ive been reading this forums for a while but finally registered!
I am in a real dilemma at the moment, my girlfriend of 7 years has fallen pregnant (accidental, as protection was being used) 4 weeks ago.
We are both old enough to make the correct decision (28) but I really really do not want this child.
She has a child by another father already, who is 10, and this decision is crucial because I don't have much faith in the relationship anymore, you may say after 7 years its a close relationship, but we'd only see each other 2-3 times a week and have a holiday once a year. We don't live together.
She has suffered with depression before, and the talk of abortion is worrying her that it might bring it all back, the problem is now, she has finally got a decent job with real prospects, and is the opportunity to move forward with her career.
For me, I desperately do not want a child, not only that, i'd be going from living with parents, which I am extremely close to, to moving in with essentially TWO kids...Frightening isnt the word, but it's not just the scared part, I don't have faith in the relationship, we have had so many arguments and split up before, and a lot of things we really don't see eye to eye on, a baby will not bring us closer together, she has said I can walk away, but there is no way I could do that, it's just not on, however I don't want to be forced into a situation.
I want a child when I have been living with a partner for a while, because I don't want to have a child being brought up with seperate parents, and for her, it won't be good to have 2 kids with 2 different fathers! (her existing childs father has had another kid too!) Honestly, I just don't think it would last.
The pain of abortion is more likely to be short term, the pain of keeping a child for the wrong reasons is a LIFETIME, thats what I am trying to say.
Counsellors, even when supposedly 'non biased' all come back with the same generic response, almost like the world needs kids born to keep the population going!
I think our relationship was going to end pretty soon, because I just couldn't commit to moving in with her, as stupid, and selfish as it sounds, fine, I can admit it, but im not some idiot who doesn't care, im scared because I do care about this whole situation.
The baby is not choosing to be brought into the world, WE are choosing whether to bring it into the world or not.
It's not fair on a child to be brought up with a single parent family, seeing the father or mother every weekend or so, it's not fair on her to expect to bring a child up alone, it's not fair on me because I desperately do not want a child - im sure this could be looked upon as selfish, but I just can't do it, if it meant me being resented by her then I'd have to accept that, but I wouldnt want that, and I don't think that would be the case.
A lot of the time we seem more like friends - her child doesn't really take me seriously, if i told them off they would ignore it, and anything I ever say gets ignored unless her mother says its true or to do it etc - it's often extremely frustrating and another reason why I just can't handle the relationship on any higher a level.
Im sure i'll be shot down in flames by most of you on here but im just trying to be as truthful as I can, the bottom line is, she hasnt ruled out an abortion, but doesnt think she can do it because it may leave her depressed, without a job etc so im left in a position of feeling forced to say do it simply becuase of that.
Abortion is something that's perhaps not the nicest thought now, but is the better option overall, im sure the women who regret the abortion are not single parents already, how could they be? What benefit could they see in bringing ANOTHER child up on their own? And whilst im sure a lot do, im sure a lot don't regret it either, if they accept that the circumstances are for the right reasons, not just because they feel it, but because they understand the partner cannot deal with it, however pathetic it makes me look - I certainly wouldn't run from it, but I would be trapped because of how I feel about it all - several times I day I am feeling trapped, and panic and start breathing heavy, I get anxious because I have no control over anything and cannot bear it, it is literally twisting me inside out when I think of it - my only escape is if I put it out of my mind and think of something else, otherwise im really not sure what I can do, this isn't something friends or family could help me with, my body has already taken a pounding with this, I feel weak and pretty much helpess.Im laying at night unable to sleep because I can't bear what is going on.
Does anyone see my view?
Adz
. Get over it, you tango you deal with the consequence. 
