Thursday joke

A guy walks into a pharmacy.

He says to the pharmacist, "I've heard a lot about that viagra stuff. Does it really work."

The pharmacist says, "Yeah, it works great."

The guy asks, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"

Pharmacist says, "Well, if you took enough I suppose you could."
 
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want,so make me urinate vodka."

The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and wees in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.

The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and wees into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to wee in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.

Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka."His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.

The Russian begins to wee in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle."
 
A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.
 
An old man was at the doctors for a checkup and the doctor said, "Sir today I will need a sperm sample, urine sample and a stool sample".

The old man looks at his young wife and says, " What did he say"?

His wife replies, "He needs a pair of your underwear."
 
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts. A malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, Honey, you were right."

"All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
 
Rich_L said:
A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.
Click to expand...

Ha! These jokes are the best.

A man walks into a bar, "ouch!" he says "this bar is in a dangerous place" the owner of the bar agrees and has it removed for a nominal fee.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To continue with the rest of his day as planned.
 
A boy asked his father what the difference was between the words "potentially" and "realistically." The father said, "Son, do as I tell you and you'll figure it out."

Eager to please and eager to learn, the boy agreed. The father said, "Ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for one million dollars. Then ask your sis ter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for one million dollars. Then, go ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for one million dollars."

The boy went to his mother. "Mom?" he asked, "If someone offered you one million dollars to sleep with Robert Redford, would you do it?" The mother blushed and replied, "Well, son Robert Redford was quite the charm in my day, and as much as I love your father, I'd have to say yes."

The boy went to his sister. "Sis, if someone offered you one million dollars to sleep with Brd Pitt, would you do it?" The sister, busy preening in the mirror, replied, "Are you nuts? Of course I would. Hell, I'd do Brad Pitt for free."

The boy went to his brother. "Yo, bro! If someone offered you one million dollars to sleep with Tom Cruise, would you do it?" The brother looked at the boy and smirked. "Do you know what I could buy with a million dollars? Hell yeah I would!"

The boy returned to his father and said, "Dad, I think I've figured out the difference between the two words:

Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars. Realistically, we're living with two ***** and a homosexual."
 
A priest is giving holy communion when a rather fit bird in an over coat approaches him.
Shes flashes him and says
"FAther take me , wrong me"
"My child cover yourself."
She reapeats it again and the priest looks up to a
crucifix and says "Jesus help me what should i do"
Shes flashes him again.
"what should i do" the priest asks again
Jesus looks at him, looks at the bird and says
"You can start by taking these nails off"
 
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