Don't know what to do (Girl thread)

Camalot

Camalot

Camalot

Soldato
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7 Mar 2005
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My first girl thread, i didn't want to do this but id like as man male/female oppinions as i can because i just don't know what to do.

Basically i met a girl in November and we hit it off big time, i started to fall head over heals for her. One day she turned around and said i can't do this, its too much, can we stay as mates. I agreed to try and for the next few weeks i would go round and we would be close friends, id stay over and the like.

Now just before christmas we were snuggled up on the sofa and she's turned around and basically told me shes fell for me, she loves me. The next two weeks we were the most loved up couple you have ever seen, the things shes said to me were so loving.

Now shes turned around and said shes not ready for it all again, and can we go back to being mates. I've asked her how can she say all these things to me then suddernly turn all her feelings off? She says she doesn't feel ready for a relationship (shes come out of an 8yr relationship a couple of months back)

What do i do? Do i carry on going round and seing her as friends knowing how much i love her, or do i just stop seing her?

I get myself in some crap situations.
 
Welcome to the world of women! They are all the same. I'd just let on your not too keen and then she how she reacts. If she isn't fussed then move on. If she thinks she can't do without you then.... still move on!
 
give her the option of either you give "us" a go and we take it slow or just mates because you don't want to get messed about. simples.
 
She see's you as an easy comfort blanket. She calls, you come running.

(Perhaps I should change comfort blanket to doormat?)

How would a girl react if you treated her that way?

If she really wanted you she would go for it. Anything else is BS. :D
 
Sounds to me like a classic case of ‘rebound’. You’re a new comfort to her, and I don’t believe after being in a relationship for 8 years she’d just be able to turn off and on like this…

I guess her feelings are still with the last guy, and you’re now in the middle of her, from the sounds of it, attention seeking rebound phase.

Its very tricky, you will have lots of feelings just for her, but she’ll maybe have feelings for not just you, but for someone else, and also be feeling guilty at the same time.

My advice is perhaps not the best advise, but if possible I’d really try and keep it all platonic for the time being….. It sounds as if she’s not ready to get right back into a relationship, but likes the warmth and comfort of being with someone, but not actually ‘being’ with someone. If that makes sense..
 
I've not been in a relationship for 2 years since leaving a 6 year relationship. Out of choice, I just don't want to go back to being in a relationship yet. Sounds like she's in the same position. I wouldnt stop seeing her, As she sounds like she wants to be with you, but is struggling with the fact she's near enough always been in a relationship and wants to live the single life for a bit. The thing about single life is it includes dating. You can see her, and date her without being in a relationship. Just move things forward casually rather than exclusively.
 
I just can't understand how she can say all the things she has said to me, then do such a u-turn, its proper knocked me for 6.

Shes said.

I think about you first thing in the morning, i think about you all day and when i go to sleep.
How much she loves me and thanks me for giving her the time to show her what shes been missing.
Can't believe shes got me, etc etc.

How the hell can she be so loved up with me then turn around and want to stay friends.

My head is so messed up, i've totally fell for her, how can i just go round and be friends with her?
 
She's confused. Have some time apart and she'll come running back (if she likes you).
 
One seriously messed up lady there buddy...id ditch her and go find someone who will want to be with you...plenty of fish and all that guff etc etc.

But seriously if a woman did that to me ie mixed messages etc id just walk away and tell her that shes lost a good friend too in the process.

Seriously get rid...dont be someones doormat.
 
Same thing happened to me, i don’t talk to her much anymore. If shes done it once then she might keep doing the same again and again? It feels crappy i know but best thing to do is go out with loads of your friends and forget about it. If you really feel like you have something then sit her down and tell her you’re feelings about it.
 
Yeah, to agree she sounds very confused. It’s a rebound, comfort and likes the warmth, and whilst she’s feeling warmth and loved she’ll let her guard down, not knowingly, and just say lovely things…

I’d give her some space, keep the friendship, but that’s all. As said if she wants to be with you, she’ll come to you, but I wouldn’t do anymore. There isn’t a lot more you can do to be honest. She’ll have to make her own mind up, and at the moment its sounding very messed up.

Oh and don't allow yourself to become her dependant. Date other women, do your own things, make your own plans etc.. do not let her run your life, or run your life around her... Women can do this, and you'll maybe pass up something really good..
 
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