Fess up !!!

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We used to put blackberries down the exhausts of the motorbikes belonging to the scary looking bikers down the street from one of my Grandparent properties. We never did see what happened as we'd gone home but I live in hope that one of them was behind the bike when it started and received a punnet of soft fruit to the nuts.
 
I used to babysit the kids across the road when I was like 13, and when they were up in bed and asleep, I used to watch Bravo softcore pr0n and polish the pleasure pistol.
 
I used to steal desserts from our cafeteria at school. You just walked along the counter and picked up what you wanted and paid for it at the end but when it was busy it was easy to pick up a desert, look around, then wander off. Eventually we got rumbled (i even saw the 2 dinner ladies who caught us) and one afternoon me and mate got called into the headteachers office and verbally destroyed. We we both grounded for a month, our parents had to pay money for missing deserts (i think they'd noticed missing ones for a while) and we were banned from seeing each other :D

Also, once my mums mate came round with her 3 kids and we were playing bulldogs charge in the stone flagged garden. One lass, Charlotte i think she was called, i tripped up. She landed hard on her face and scraped along a bit - what followed could only be described as horrific. Blood everywhere. Screaming. Tears. I of course denied it knowing she couldn't prove it. Feel bad in hinesight but it did no real damage and she's a pretty good looking lass to this day.
 
Jingo... said:
During my younger years when there was no concern of kidnapping, you could run around the fields and local countryside unsupervised until the street lights started to come on, and there was none of this 'NDubz ego street gang pride brap' malarky - me and my friends (read: every child aged 8-15 in the immediate vicinity of home) used to have one of the most valuable, sought after and enjoyable acquisitions known to youthkind: a Base.

This base combined the blood, sweat and tears of our community as over weeks we sculpted entrances, tunnels, a 'war room' and two defendable fronts to the surroundings of the bramble-clad abandoned quarry in which we set our summer holiday home. We acquired construction moulds for storage of 'weaponry' (stones of various sizes) and sharpened sticks were readily available at every entrance incase of INVASION!

Once finished with a look out platform upon the sturdiest tree, a number of large shields and coolbox of replenishable snacks, we turned almost guerilla upon anyone who dared enter the quarry or surrounding footpaths: elderly dog walkers were peppered with a variety of stones, twiggy spears were launched at motorbikes heading to the local woodland and other neighbouring children's friendship groups (the lowest of the low) exploring the area were met with shield charges from screaming soldiers of our clan amidst a barrage of stones from the support team...

This was childish mischief in its prime, smattered with friendship and community spirit! :p
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Same. Good times :)
 
Reminded myself of this from reading the youthful crushes thing... I used to (until I found out) have a crush on Brian Molko from Placebo when they first came out, I was only 13ish at the time, so I hadn't heard of androgyny. :(
 
The morning after a weird house party that was in the middle of a wood and that we had stayed over at (prolly about 18 years ago now), the time came to err well (beer toilet). Once in the bog it became apparent that some clown had stuffed the toilet with (bizarrely) plastic fruit and it was utterly blocked.

Thinking out the box and getting ever more desperate I found a supermarket carrier bag and proceeded to head back to the toilet. once finished I was in a dilema as to what exactly to do with "the package" but being in the middle of a wood I figured "just toss it into the wood".

One looping overarm lob later the thing hung in a tree right over the drive of the house and some 60feet up was utterly irretrievable. My mate was seeing the girl whos parents owned the house and has told me it was there for over 2 years and they had often wondered and commented on what was in it :o

My mate was my best man at my wedding ({SAS}TB , me waves) and he handed me a bag with a lump in it after his speech, I knew it wasn't a turd in there but it was rather awkward trying to think of something to say to the in laws and explain why several mates were loling their heads off.
 
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In Norwich Prison there's a small block called D-Wing that is on the side of the Main wing. This is where they used to keep the Lifers & those up for Hanging, There is one cell in that block that has an old fashioned barred door as well as the normal prison door, this was where they put you the night before you was Hung & Lots of people were Hung in Norwich prison over the years.
I stayed in that cell & slept soundly. :eek: + :o
The screws even took us down the stairs into the room you dropped down to once you was Hung. :cool:

For the record I was in Norwich after being transferred from Brixton HMP for a Serious crime of which I was Cleared, An obvious case of mistaken indentity but at the time I was a bit lairy & it suited certain partys to have me off the street. But I say again I was Not guilty & was only in there on Unconvicted Remand until trial & then released. :)
 
With the critisism my spelling & punctuation gets I'd be ****** if I released a book & run out of Englandshire. :p
 
JHeaton said:
Criticism...

:p

I jest, I've found your tales quite interesting (and hilarious) to read. :D
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Must admit I have also found you to be quite an interesting character.

Its like reading a book though. making your own idea up of what you look like lol. are you as dodgy as your past LOL.:confused: :D
 
Quite the reverse actually, I moved to the Midlands around 17 years ago to change my life which I have.
I'm flattered to think that others are interested & have been asked to write a book by quite a few people which seems weird to me. For me it's just my life & a pretty ****** up one at that.
I certainly don't glory in my past it is just what it is. :o
 
malc30 said:
Quite the reverse actually, I moved to the Midlands around 17 years ago to change my life which I have.
I'm flattered to think that others are interested & have been asked to write a book by quite a few people which seems weird to me. For me it's just my life & a pretty ****** up one at that.
I certainly don't glory in my past it is just what it is. :o
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I think it's an age thing (I don't mean to call you old, please don't take it as such). Half of these things couldn't have happened during my youth, the other half were probably too dangerous due to the risk of kidnapping/rape/aliens and whatnot. My youth was lacking in adventure, so when the older generations tell of what they go up to when they were younger (there's a tale of a relative and his friends' "great journey over the border" that I never get tired of hearing) I find it very interesting.

The best tales I get from people my own age are usually about how drunk they were when they pushed a trolley through the McDonalds drive-thru or something :-\
 
You know what ? I completely understand & say to my Young friends all the time that I pity them because of the Big brother state we are in.
Here we go then :p

When I was a lad :rolleyes: (Is that really Me saying that :()
Anyway When you got caught riding your Chicken chaser flat out across the pavement on your estate the copper just Punched you :p then Dragged you back to your rents where they continued the Battering whilst Rozzer had his cuppa tea & a Digestive. :p
It was sort of unwritten that if you had the kind of Rents that gave you a good beating for doing wrong then they let them sort it. Seemed fair to me, I knew the risks, I took them & I took my punishment/beatings like a Man. :D
I remember CID taking me home one day & I thought Crap this won't go well. The old bill would ring my Ma & she would just shout down the phone "Keep the ******* Gypo" & Slam the phone down on them. :p
Anyway they takes me home all cool like & my Ma just opens the door & puts her fist in my face then drags me in the house by my hair, The CID had to pull her off me & calm her down.
We all ended up sitting around the dining room table & me having my Interview there as usual. Once they were gone though all Hell broke loose. :D

I should add my MA was in Crown court for Malicious wounding with Intent to Kill for stabbing my Step Dad, She also stabbed the husband before that & has done me once or twice an all. :p:p:p
She is well how should i put it, A bit Lairy. :D
 
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