Clever off the cuff remarks fired at scumbags in retaliation

Von Smallhausen said:
An ex of mine went the more direct route Linda. This was about 15 years ago.

She was a Karate expert and on a night out with some friends, 3 blokes were in a group and one tried to put his hand up her skirt.

Her reaction was to drop him on his backside with a flat hand with tweety birds around his head.
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I like her, I like her a lot! :D
 
I thought of another one I used.

Someone (Sat at a cenotaph) shouted over to me 'get back to your own country' and the buddies around him laughed as I walked past quite close I turned round to say.

'If I did I wouldn't be paying taxes to pay for your drugs and bring up your 15 lice ridden kids, you should respect me for my handouts.' and strutted off, his friends now laughing at him maybe he does have 15 lice ridden kids!!!

Yee-ha, proud of that one too.
 
Jehovas witnesses knocked on me mums door and first thing said

'Do you ever think about god?'

Quick as a bean, she replied

'I'm thinking 'oh god' right now'

...
 
I might not have been a perfect kid when young but I dont ever remember being rude to anyone from any other race, just seemed such a cheap shot too me so never did it!

My mates did tho and one of them got a right kicking for doing so and rightly deserved it lol.
 
It's interesting. But verbal comments from randomers never bothers me. Perhaps I'm more emotionally secure, or guarded? I don't know.
 
Fiancée was on holiday with her Sister, some young kids walked past and said:

Young Idiot: Wanna come back to my hotel room?
Fiancée: You wouldn't know what to do.

That shut him up.
 
Best I have heard was when a chav was getting arrested outside a pub (21st party got out of hand).

Copper wrestled some fat chav to the floor who could only scream "watch mi jacket mate woz 50 dolla vis" to which a rival chav watching along side replied "lol, its a Lonsdale mate"

Even the copper was in stitches.
 
britboy4321 said:
Jehovas witnesses knocked on me mums door and first thing said

'Do you ever think about god?'

Quick as a bean, she replied

'I'm thinking 'oh god' right now'

...
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This reminds me of the girlfriends Mum. Some religious nuts knocked on the door and asked:

"Do you like Jesus?"

And she replied:

"Yes, I do like a bit of cheddar."

She thought they said 'do you like cheeses?'
 
Had a good one at lunch today:D, walking past a chipy, some little oik said to me "nice jeans, did the tramp mind you borrowing them?" to which his scaggy girlfriend laughed. Now i normally wear old workaday trousers as i often have to crawl around on the floor servicing office equipment etc but I by no means looked like a homeless person! Bear in mind that said oik was dressed in a "designer" brownish tracksuit and red converse clown shoes, I looked him up and down and said "have a word with yourself" and walked off laughing. The scabby creature with him was most amused :)

I can't remember who said it but there's a quote that sprang to mind: The world is doomed because stupid people breed far faster the the rest of the population.
 
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