Confused about other people
- Thread starter TheCenturion
- Start date
Oh and I forgot to mention that it's a boarding school (for poor kids) and so the people are all in my 'house'.
Easy there chap.
Boarding school, you say? Do the kids have a dorm to themselves, or do they share?
'Cause if they have a room on their own, the next guy who dishes out a pasting to you, let it slide, then a couple of weeks later pay him a visit in the middle of the night and beat him out of sleep with a hockey stick. And tell him the next time he tries it on, he'll be waking up on fire, not just to a few bruises.
Obviously you don't actually hurt him much, or really set him on fire, but the psychological fear you instil ought to at least give you a break. If it was like my school, they won't grass you up - that's not how it works.
They might be hard in a group, but catch 'em on their own and vulnerable... You might get labelled as a bit of a nutter, but you'll get left alone because they'll be afraid of the consequences if they don't.
The battle is lost or won in your head. And in most cases there's little point in a straight up fight if the other guy and his mates are bigger than you. So you have to use your cunning and be a little bit eye rolling mad
I found this technique has its risks, but the desired effect was satisfactory in its long term goal. I speak as a former 12-18yo boarder myself.
Your results may vary, but the principal is sound - catch them alone and vulnerable and get some beats in, no preamble: 'if you're gonna shoot, shoot, don't talk' as it were.
If all of that is a bit to near the knuckle and deliberate, then your reaction has to be immediate when the bullying is taking place, preferably when the other guy is working himself up by giving it loads of mouth - he's expecting you to be intimidated by this so he can act all alpha in front of his mates, wipe the smirk off his face with your elbow in his teeth and when he goes down, or leaves his body exposed as he reaches for his mouth, follow it up with the palm of your hand or your knee, smartly applied to the fork of his legs.
It's not a nice lesson to administer, and you might take a beating anyway, but most bully's are cowards and will think twice before risking loose teeth and bruised pride again. Plus you have the knowledge that you didn't just stand there and take it like the last time.
All of this stuff about ignoring them and they'll go away is defeatist clap-trap. You have to speak their language: fear and violence, I'm afraid.
Whoever says that violence doesn't solve anything is clearly doing it wrong!
Life is full of people who will try to drag you down no matter how big, small, intelligent, stupid etc you are, they are merely looking for an excuse. If you think there aren't any bullies out there past school level you're in for a rude surprise, you need to start learning standing up for yourself now as it will only get harder for you to do so down the line.
Life is full of people who will try to drag you down no matter how big, small, intelligent, stupid etc you are, they are merely looking for an excuse. If you think there aren't any bullies out there past school level you're in for a rude surprise, you need to start learning standing up for yourself now as it will only get harder for you to do so down the line.
The best advice I can give is to not give a crap about what anyone else thinks, be comfortable in yourself and don't be a try hard.
The people who treat you badly arent worth being around, cut yourself off from them and concentrate on being happy in your own company. Once you are confident in yourself and stop worrying about what people think of you, you will find real friends that you don't have to work hard to get in with.
I had a very small circle of close friends at school, I never bought into all that bullying, trying to look hard and trying to hang around with the cool people business. Don't get me wrong, if anyone started on me I would give a good account of myself, but generally we just hung around together and took the mick out of the way all the chavs spoke to the point they thought we were being normal to them !
If you find the younger kids trying to have a verbal pop just grin at them and take pride in the fact you are more mature than that. If bigger lads try and fight you stand your ground and fight to the death ! even if you get a kicking you will have earned their respect for standing toe to toe with them.
Good luck and I hope you start getting on a bit better.
The people who treat you badly arent worth being around, cut yourself off from them and concentrate on being happy in your own company. Once you are confident in yourself and stop worrying about what people think of you, you will find real friends that you don't have to work hard to get in with.
I had a very small circle of close friends at school, I never bought into all that bullying, trying to look hard and trying to hang around with the cool people business. Don't get me wrong, if anyone started on me I would give a good account of myself, but generally we just hung around together and took the mick out of the way all the chavs spoke to the point they thought we were being normal to them !
If you find the younger kids trying to have a verbal pop just grin at them and take pride in the fact you are more mature than that. If bigger lads try and fight you stand your ground and fight to the death ! even if you get a kicking you will have earned their respect for standing toe to toe with them.
Good luck and I hope you start getting on a bit better.
aha the best way to earn respect at school was to give the "hard nut" thats always giving you ****, an utter pasting. no one will bother you after that seriously.
but its not really the right thing to do.
is it year 7's giving you lip? oh they would just get guided towards a locker
or everyone giving you trouble? can stick it out, can fight it out or can goto college?
think about what you want to do, maybe talk with parents or a teacher. but no grassing lol!
but its not really the right thing to do.
is it year 7's giving you lip? oh they would just get guided towards a locker
or everyone giving you trouble? can stick it out, can fight it out or can goto college?
think about what you want to do, maybe talk with parents or a teacher. but no grassing lol!
It will start to die down a little now 'school' is over, but some people take longer to grow up than others anant. Some people don't and you can make it a principle in life to stand up to them when you're older and fully grown (stop worrying about it - you will have some grow spurts soon).
Don't let it bother you (I know that sounds easier than it is), but honestly - you're above it. Try not to twist into a misanthropic monster over the next few years though, just focus on who you want to be as a person.
Don't let it bother you (I know that sounds easier than it is), but honestly - you're above it. Try not to twist into a misanthropic monster over the next few years though, just focus on who you want to be as a person.
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Soldato
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My fav. quote of the day for sure!
Two ways to go about things like this in life. Try to ignore it and get on with life, put it to the back of your mind....difficult I would have thought, being in a boarding school. Two, give out as much as you take. Go ape **** on them!
Soldato
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I see now living in scotland has made you go insane..
Not stooping to their level works better imo.
Well, I guess I can add my own experience in here.
Anant, firstly it doesn't matter how big you are in there. I was the biggest in my year and still got a rough time. The guy whose life was made a misery in our year was 6'1 and built like a brick outhouse.
I always found that in the boarding house there was nowhere to escape it all. That in that enclosed space there was nowhere to run and that people were always around you. You've just started your lower 6th haven't you?
What I would say to this is that the worst IS over. Until that year I was miserable. My life was made deeply awkward by one person who seemed to get the whole year to unite. He was the all-powerful and always the main instigator for any bullying whatsoever. The group would be circled around him.
There were two main bullies in my boarding house in my year. One, I didn't have issue with. But the other. My word. I still loathe the fact that he not only was unbelievably cruel to about half of the year, but that the teachers and housemasters and matrons LOVED him. He could do no wrong in their eyes and never got called up for anything. Teachers would start taking his sides as well. He would pollute classrooms that we shared and would spread malicious rumours about me, trying to basically make the whole year catch onto it.
Thing is, him and the other house bully were the two most insecure and strange people in my year. He was such an utter wierdo, not eccentric, just weird. Had serious image issues and all the rest of it. Sure he eventually got made head of house and got a free pass. But, by the time the lower sixth came, people started to turn on him.
We used to run off and ditch him when it came to going to the pub. The others began to see him for what he was. I had been sticking to my guns all along. The others began to see this and I became accepted and started to enjoy myself and feel a lot more comfortable.
It's hard to reconcile with the fact that people in there get away with it all. That they're constantly on your back and you can't do anything. You really can't. Talk to the matron/housemaster. Gets you nowhere as teacher's pet is the bully. Try getting your peers to talk. Gets nowhere.
People just have to come round to it.
OP I don't envy you whatsoever. "Banter" is something that I hate precisely because of boarding school. It's just a reason for people to be nasty to one another, or to pick on one person.
My advice to you is to never stop thinking about university: it is the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't change yourself either. Be yourself. People do come round eventually. Or they did in my case. As soon as its all over. Never speak to them or see them again.
Also, this is the hard part. Don't let it make you become embittered. It will haunt you. It is something you must try to avoid because it still haunts me. I still feel a burning sense of injustice about it all. Fact is, no one cares. It's all, grow up, that was years ago (as if they forgot what happened, or that nothing really happened).
Rise above it. Music school and the gym were the places I used to escape to.
OP you need to have a place where you can go where the others don't. Usually bullies are crap at music or don't go to the gym. Try those for a start perhaps. Don't bother raising it with the housemaster or matron as they will make the situation awkward (for example calling everyone in on a saturday night and having a group meeting about it).
Don't change who you are. Remember also that there are other houses. You are free to have friends outside of your own house, so I would encourage you to go to them. I did that at the lowest point and frankly had that not have happened life would have been worse.
If the physical abuse gets out of hand however, you should ask to move house (as a last resort), by going into the 6th form house (we had one installed in my final year) or by becoming a day boy.
I take it also that you aren't sharing a room at this stage? I still did in the lower 6th, but that was quite unusual.
If you need any advice whatsoever or moral support, GD is here for you, and feel free to add me on messenger. I understand how it feels and how soul destroying it is in your situation.
Anant, firstly it doesn't matter how big you are in there. I was the biggest in my year and still got a rough time. The guy whose life was made a misery in our year was 6'1 and built like a brick outhouse.
I always found that in the boarding house there was nowhere to escape it all. That in that enclosed space there was nowhere to run and that people were always around you. You've just started your lower 6th haven't you?
What I would say to this is that the worst IS over. Until that year I was miserable. My life was made deeply awkward by one person who seemed to get the whole year to unite. He was the all-powerful and always the main instigator for any bullying whatsoever. The group would be circled around him.
There were two main bullies in my boarding house in my year. One, I didn't have issue with. But the other. My word. I still loathe the fact that he not only was unbelievably cruel to about half of the year, but that the teachers and housemasters and matrons LOVED him. He could do no wrong in their eyes and never got called up for anything. Teachers would start taking his sides as well. He would pollute classrooms that we shared and would spread malicious rumours about me, trying to basically make the whole year catch onto it.
Thing is, him and the other house bully were the two most insecure and strange people in my year. He was such an utter wierdo, not eccentric, just weird. Had serious image issues and all the rest of it. Sure he eventually got made head of house and got a free pass. But, by the time the lower sixth came, people started to turn on him.
We used to run off and ditch him when it came to going to the pub. The others began to see him for what he was. I had been sticking to my guns all along. The others began to see this and I became accepted and started to enjoy myself and feel a lot more comfortable.
It's hard to reconcile with the fact that people in there get away with it all. That they're constantly on your back and you can't do anything. You really can't. Talk to the matron/housemaster. Gets you nowhere as teacher's pet is the bully. Try getting your peers to talk. Gets nowhere.
People just have to come round to it.
OP I don't envy you whatsoever. "Banter" is something that I hate precisely because of boarding school. It's just a reason for people to be nasty to one another, or to pick on one person.
My advice to you is to never stop thinking about university: it is the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't change yourself either. Be yourself. People do come round eventually. Or they did in my case. As soon as its all over. Never speak to them or see them again.
Also, this is the hard part. Don't let it make you become embittered. It will haunt you. It is something you must try to avoid because it still haunts me. I still feel a burning sense of injustice about it all. Fact is, no one cares. It's all, grow up, that was years ago (as if they forgot what happened, or that nothing really happened).
Rise above it. Music school and the gym were the places I used to escape to.
OP you need to have a place where you can go where the others don't. Usually bullies are crap at music or don't go to the gym. Try those for a start perhaps. Don't bother raising it with the housemaster or matron as they will make the situation awkward (for example calling everyone in on a saturday night and having a group meeting about it).
Don't change who you are. Remember also that there are other houses. You are free to have friends outside of your own house, so I would encourage you to go to them. I did that at the lowest point and frankly had that not have happened life would have been worse.
If the physical abuse gets out of hand however, you should ask to move house (as a last resort), by going into the 6th form house (we had one installed in my final year) or by becoming a day boy.
I take it also that you aren't sharing a room at this stage? I still did in the lower 6th, but that was quite unusual.
If you need any advice whatsoever or moral support, GD is here for you, and feel free to add me on messenger. I understand how it feels and how soul destroying it is in your situation.
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When other people can't get what they want from you they go cry. I was once a nice person then people started taking the wee outta me, so I turned horrible and now they label me for it. Don't worry it's the current human nature issues.
try that in chemistry class
Soldato
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You are getting a hard time as people view you as some one who is not going to flatten their face. In other words they view you as soft or weak and will continue to do this until you leave school or start punching them in the mouth. Punch straight aiming for the mouth or nose, which will get you a kicking or two but stick with it. After a few run in like that people will start leaving you alone, no one wants a dig in the mouth from a weak little fag.
