What would you do? (girl thread..)

James J

James J

James J

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Since the start of this semester at uni (6 weeks) I've met a really nice girl, whos in a relationship (5 months now) with a guy she loves etc. Fair enough I thought until we start spending a lot of time together at uni and outside uni with study and general social activities. She then turns around and says she has feelings for me, and sadly for me, it was mutual.

At this point, obviously nothing could be acted upon etc as she has a very possessive bf who is now trying to move upto where we go to uni just to keep an eye on her. Fast forward 3 weeks upto the present day and now they are "supposedly" on a break which I later found out to be garbage as any mention of breaks etc with him results in him saying he'd kill himself if she left him...

Due to that level of emotional blackmail, she cannot make a decision between us both (thats the point its at right now) and due to this really screwing with my mind, I've decided to take a "break" from her, which for me is cutting all contact with her for a week or two. That way I can't do anything stupid/say anything stupid whilst also trying to get rid of the feelings I have at the same time.

Question is, was this a good course of action? I highly doubt she's gonna risk leaving this guy for me, even though I treat her vastly better than he ever has due to his threats of suicide so what can I do, really?
 
Man up and her ask her out. He's just being dramatic and knows the relationship is over and trying to hold onto her. He'll be fine.
 
Ah, the old "Don't leave me or I'll kill myself" trick. Classic.

She's screwed, you're screwed, and suicidal Steve is in.


:(
 
Have you told her your doing this? Wouldn't it make sense to say to her that its best if she deals with this guy first before starting anything with you? :confused:

Tell her to man up and finish him! :p
 
tibbsey said:
Ah, the old "Don't leave me or I'll kill myself" trick. Classic.

She's screwed, you're screwed, and suicidal Steve is in.


:(
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That was pretty much my whole interpretation of the situation to be fair.

@AmTechFox - I have but she literally won't make a decision due to what her excuse for a bf would do. The guy is seriously mentally unstable to the point of having panic attacks if she mentions going out to friends etc lol. She won't get rid of the guy though due to "love"...
 
Suicide threats over him breaking it off with her. There's a guy you want in your life!

If you have feelings for her, and she has feelings for you. And her boyfriend is a massive pleb, who likes to threaten his life to keep her, rather than letting her live her life the way she wants, I say stick around and keep seeing her if you're happy to do so.
 
wannabedamned said:
Suicide threats over him breaking it off with her. There's a guy you want in your life!

If you have feelings for her, and she has feelings for you. And her boyfriend is a massive pleb, who likes to threaten his life to keep her, rather than letting her live her life the way she wants, I say stick around and keep seeing her if you're happy to do so.
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I initially thought this, but her mood changes wildly just from a text from the guy and if she knows shes seeing friends her phone goes off none stop. Its pretty much a lose lose situation.
 
She left somebody else for him, she will leave him for you, she will leave you for somebody else....

"yeh but I really like her and she really likes me. She wouldnt do that to me"
WRONG
She wont change!

Sorry if that sounds brutal by the way.
 
You can ask her out and let him go top himself or walk away and start having some fun. I don’t see the point in getting involved in a three-way emotional merry-go-round, get out and start living.
 
Dan Dan said:
She left somebody else for him, she will leave him for you, she will leave you for somebody else....

"yeh but I really like her and she really likes me. She wouldnt do that to me"
WRONG
She wont change!

Sorry if that sounds brutal by the way.
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lol.....I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you've experienced this first hand? :p
 
Dan Dan said:
She left somebody else for him, she will leave him for you, she will leave you for somebody else....

"yeh but I really like her and she really likes me. She wouldnt do that to me"
WRONG
She wont change!

Sorry if that sounds brutal by the way.
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Actually, that only really applies if she's cheated on her current BF.

Once a cheat, always a cheat and so forth.
 
James J said:
Since the start of this semester at uni (6 weeks) I've met a really nice girl, whos in a relationship (5 months now) with a guy she loves etc. Fair enough I thought until we start spending a lot of time together at uni and outside uni with study and general social activities. She then turns around and says she has feelings for me, and sadly for me, it was mutual.

At this point, obviously nothing could be acted upon etc as she has a very possessive bf who is now trying to move upto where we go to uni just to keep an eye on her. Fast forward 3 weeks upto the present day and now they are "supposedly" on a break which I later found out to be garbage as any mention of breaks etc with him results in him saying he'd kill himself if she left him...

Due to that level of emotional blackmail, she cannot make a decision between us both (thats the point its at right now) and due to this really screwing with my mind, I've decided to take a "break" from her, which for me is cutting all contact with her for a week or two. That way I can't do anything stupid/say anything stupid whilst also trying to get rid of the feelings I have at the same time.

Question is, was this a good course of action? I highly doubt she's gonna risk leaving this guy for me, even though I treat her vastly better than he ever has due to his threats of suicide so what can I do, really?
Click to expand...

Explain to her very calmly that anyone who threatens to commit suicide because someone will leave them is not only a coward of the highest order, but likely has no intention whatsoever of following through with it. It is cheap emotional blackmail of the lowest form, and if you have to resort to that to keep someone, then your relationship is truly dead.

However,m the flip side of this is that she is voluntarily staying with someone who is threatening to commit suicide, so must be a sandwich short of a picnic herself. Just try and get through to her that she isn't responsible for the actions of her crazy ex, and that once she leaves him it is out of her hands, and the best thing should could do would be to break all contact, and contact the police if he turns into a crazy stalker, getting a restraining order if need be.

Either way she needs to get her act together, and you need to not get involved until she has done.
 
Swifty55 said:
Actually, that only really applies if she's cheated on her current BF.

Once a cheat, always a cheat and so forth.
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Agreed, There's absolutely nothing wrong with a girl splitting with a boyfriend to go with someone else, Its better than cheating! And it doesnt mean its always going to happen aswell, its called finding the person that makes you happiest

And feelings can develop between friends, without cheating being involved also
 
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I knew lots of people who came to uni with boyfriends/girlfriends back home and only 1 couple survived (who are now married). I'd wager that this is the norm for most long distance uni relationships. If what you say is true about him being a fruit loop then just go for it.
 
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