Becoming more talkative

Amp34

Amp34

Amp34

Caporegime
Joined
25 Jul 2005
Posts
28,851
Location
Canada
You know the scene, lots of people at at a club/houseparty/social event that you don't know... You go and talk to them and, with me, you run out of things to say after a few minutes...

It's not like I'm socially inept (at least I like to think), I go out and am hapy to meet new people but after starting a conversation it just fizzles out most of the time. I'm not the loudest person around friends either, there are very few people I can spend long periods of time with without running out of things to say. Small talk is not my forte i guess you could say...

Anyone else have this, and anyone "cure" it?:p
 
Doesn't really work, can do it a little but not much.

Either way that's not really a solution.:p
 
What you need to do is stop seeing it as "small talk" and realise that they almost certainly have something in common with you or are interesting to you in some way. All you need to do is find that, and you will be able to talk to them for ages.

:Edit: and if it's a woman, ask her stuff about herself. Most women love talking about themselves so you can just sit there and nod :D
 
well maybe its the people who u talk to have the same problem, i know that i can talk to some people for ages about crap others not much cos they dont really give long answers, just a simple yes or no, conversations soon fizzle out and you think meh why bother making the effort, they certainly aint..
 
Zefan said:
What you need to do is stop seeing it as "small talk" and realise that they almost certainly have something in common with you or are interesting to you in some way. All you need to do is find that, and you will be able to talk to them for ages.
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Yeah, that does work, problem I have is the restarting a conversation after the "introductions are made". An example from tonight, started chatting to someone and we had a 20 minute chat about various things then after stopping the conversation not being able to start another one up...

EDIT: so guess the thing really is "I can't think of a silly comment to start up the conversation again".:p
 
I think most people have that problem, it's just because you don't know them very well.

:Edit: Getting back into a conversation with someone when talking in a group is probably the best way to do it, at least then it's not just one on one and they don't get freaked out that you're going to hold their hand for the rest of the night.
 
Just think of random things to talk about if u got nothing else to say, like.. where do u normally go out, what sorta things do u do, ask about their job. People yab on for hours about their jobs even if they have the most boring job in the world, then ask about different things about their jobs, pretty soon the conversation just flows and they will ask u the same kinda crap.
 
I can talk for England and once ive had a bit of alcohol I never shut up and just talk random crap till they start talking random crap back to you. then you have yourself a conversation :p

Couple of years ago when i was at college i would always talk to this woman on a thursday morning when i was waiting for the bus. God knows how it started but she would always be waiting for the same bus and the conversation always used to flow
 
Zefan said:
What you need to do is stop seeing it as "small talk" and realise that they almost certainly have something in common with you or are interesting to you in some way. All you need to do is find that, and you will be able to talk to them for ages.
Click to expand...
You need to ask them open questions like:

Soooo, do you like... stuff?
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This may sound a little strange but i like to think of a good event that has happened to me that day when i'm on the way to meet friends. When i arrive i typically announce this to 'the collective', always seems to work well as it often then becomes the topic of conversation and it keeps me positive. At the very worst case it means i arrive in a good mood.
 
Amp34 said:
You know the scene, lots of people at at a club/houseparty/social event that you don't know... You go and talk to them and, with me, you run out of things to say after a few minutes...

It's not like I'm socially inept (at least I like to think), I go out and am hapy to meet new people but after starting a conversation it just fizzles out most of the time. I'm not the loudest person around friends either, there are very few people I can spend long periods of time with without running out of things to say. Small talk is not my forte i guess you could say...

Anyone else have this, and anyone "cure" it?:p
Click to expand...

Don't worry about it. You're normal.

I used to have a problem with not having such long conversations with people, much the same as you. I came to realise the people of whom I didnt have these neverending conversations with I just didnt connect with, share much in the way of interests or find all that interesting.

It's not all about you fella, when there's people around you who you share interests with or who are of similar intellect you'll have good conversations and heck, even when there's a lull in the conversation you will feel comfortable.

Anyhoo just my tuppence on the matter.
 
If you worry less about what you're going to say and think more about what they've said to you, you might find some parallels that resonate. Not always though; some people really are just dreadfully boring.
 
Amp34 said:
and anyone "cure" it?:p
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Just ask the people/person you are with questions & find out there opinion. One of the Best things you can say to Anybody is "What do you think?" ;)
Remember also that Everybody loves a good Listener.
 
Amp34 said:
Anyone else have this, and anyone "cure" it?:p
Click to expand...
I have the same problem. Once I get past "Hi, and how are you?" I usually have nothing else to say. It's not that I don't want to talk but my mind just goes blank and I can't think of a single thing to say.

If you do figure out a "cure" let me know :p
 
Streeteh said:
This may sound a little strange but i like to think of a good event that has happened to me that day when i'm on the way to meet friends. When i arrive i typically announce this to 'the collective', always seems to work well as it often then becomes the topic of conversation and it keeps me positive. At the very worst case it means i arrive in a good mood.
Click to expand...

That's kind of....genius.
 
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