Confronting someone's alcohol problem

Going to Cali

Going to Cali

Going to Cali

Associate
Joined
23 Aug 2004
Posts
1,493
Anyone been in a similar position?

My Dad drinks way too much. Talking about a bottle of wine by himself already. I fully expect him to crack on with a second bottle when he's finished the first. I can't stand it, I don't think anyone can. Try and confront it and he gets in a right sulk. Not sure what to say.
 
Pretty much every day without fail. Can easily sink a bottle without batting an eye lid. Usually has two by himself then maybe a couple of large glasses of whiskey (i'm thinking at least 75ml). Health wise, it must be terrible for his heart and liver. When he's not drunk he's OK, when he's drunk he's not the same. Really short, stops talking and is rude. It's not fair on my Mum and I know it's upset my Sister.
 
Two bottles of wine per night is about 20 units. Even ignoring the whisky on top, that's 140 units per week. The last time I checked the Government recommendation was 24 units for male. He is drinking 6 times more than the recommended limit each and every week.

You could approach it from two angles. The first is his health and the second is the emotional impact on family. Exactly how you do this is up to you but 140 units per week will do nothing at all to extend his life expectancy.
 
You need to get him on his own and try not to be confrontational as he'll be on the defensive. Don't take a pop at him now and then, talk to him quietly when he's sober and leave it for a few days, nagging never works.
 
After living with an alcoholic parent in my earlier years, I know full well where you're coming from. Mother used to drink 2 bottles of wine a day on most days. Sometimes only one when yesterdays hangover was too bad).

You can't make them stop, and nothing you can say will make them stop. The golden rule with alcoholics is you can't control what they do, you can only control what you do.

The only way is for your Mom to leave him, or threaten to leave him, until he sorts his life out. Until they have a reason to stop, they just carry on drinking.

Alcoholics have to want to stop themselves. If they don't, they won't. Simple as that mate.
 
Michaeljcox24 said:
After living with an alcoholic parent in my earlier years, I know full well where you're coming from. Mother used to drink 2 bottles of wine a day on most days. Sometimes only one when yesterdays hangover was too bad).

You can't make them stop, and nothing you can say will make them stop. The golden rule with alcoholics is you can't control what they do, you can only control what you do.

The only way is for your Mom to leave him, or threaten to leave him, until he sorts his life out. Until they have a reason to stop, they just carry on drinking.

Alcoholics have to want to stop themselves. If they don't, they won't. Simple as that mate.
Click to expand...

This is spot on, from personal experiences too, it does hurt and still does, but you learn to accept and live with it.
 
I have an alcoholic in the family. Ignore the stupid comments above, it's hell and I know what you're going through. Unfortunately it sounds like he doesn't think it's a problem, despite the misery it causes you and others in the family, which makes it all the harder to confront. You have to wait until he's sober and normally the only time you'll have an impact is when something has happened as a result of his drinking, which is normally when something gets broken, someone gets hurt or he injures himself. It's a pretty tough thing to have to go through and you have my sympathy fella.
 
Michaeljcox24 said:
After living with an alcoholic parent in my earlier years, I know full well where you're coming from. Mother used to drink 2 bottles of wine a day on most days. Sometimes only one when yesterdays hangover was too bad).

You can't make them stop, and nothing you can say will make them stop. The golden rule with alcoholics is you can't control what they do, you can only control what you do.

The only way is for your Mom to leave him, or threaten to leave him, until he sorts his life out. Until they have a reason to stop, they just carry on drinking.

Alcoholics have to want to stop themselves. If they don't, they won't. Simple as that mate.
Click to expand...

Jonny69 said:
I have an alcoholic in the family. Ignore the stupid comments above, it's hell and I know what you're going through. Unfortunately it sounds like he doesn't think it's a problem, despite the misery it causes you and others in the family, which makes it all the harder to confront. You have to wait until he's sober and normally the only time you'll have an impact is when something has happened as a result of his drinking, which is normally when something gets broken, someone gets hurt or he injures himself. It's a pretty tough thing to have to go through and you have my sympathy fella.
Click to expand...





Unfortunately, like these guys I've got long and bitter experience of having alcoholics in the family, and a number of very close relatives have drunk themselves into their graves never admitting that they had a problem. And very unfortunately, what they say is correct - alcoholics have to realise they have a problem before they can be helped. There's nothing that you can say or do to your dad that will change that.



The best thing I can suggest for you is to go along to see these guys: http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/ - I found a great deal of support and comfort just talking over the problem with people in similar situations. Good luck.
 
Last edited:
I know only too well where you're coming from. :o

My father was (and I do mean, 'was') exactly the same. He's a fairly clever, and successful man, master's degree in psychology, has worked in several fairly high up positions in the NHS, sat on NICE committees, and now works for a local authority. I think that this is the reason why he didn't see that drinking two bottles of wine a night was a problem. I'm curious, do you have that horrible fear of the kind of person he becomes once he has had a few glasses? I remember being so happy when my dad was sober and just dreading the tipping point when he became drunk. It drove me insane.

One serious relationship and two marriages down the line, he's married again and has just had another son and I am incredibly proud to say, off the drink. Everything about him is better and it's actually nice to go and spend time with him now. I know this isn't really advice, but people can and do beat alcoholism. But it can be like trying to run against a wall, they need to realise it's a problem. I had been going on at my father for the best part of eight years to give it up and it made absolutely zero difference. But it has happened, and he is all the better for it.
 
I can't suggest what to do but I can give my point of view - ex alcoholic, clean 8 years now.

It crept up on me and as the same with all drug abuse, I was very selfish, lost a lot of mates, fell out with a lot of family members and partners over the years, tried to quit several times but went back. I had to want to quit properly for good - in the end was the birth of my first son and some major health scares, that I quit cold turkey, very tough thing to do. Somewhere will be that trigger for the light to pop on, hope your old man finds it.
 
My dad used to have 2-3 bottles of wine to himself every day without fail when he got home from work. He'd be passed out on the sofa by 8 but when he stayed up it got nasty and no-one wanted to be around him. Eventually my mum and us kids left him and it was such a weight off our shoulders.

He's with someone else now and at first he was 'turning over a new leaf' but I've heard from the woman herself he drinks and falls asleep on the sofa, so nothings changed. I really feel sorry for her and the baby she's having as they'll have to put up with what drove us away.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom