Could you live without intercourse?

SexyGreyFox · 27 Mar 2011 at 14:52

JamesU2005 said:
You really should look up the word fact in the dictionary.

You are making yourself look rather silly.

FACT is in capitals - that means it's fact - FACT.

Castiel · 27 Mar 2011 at 15:03

dmpoole said:
FACT is in capitals - that means it's fact - FACT.

I always thought that in forum etiquette capitalisation meant that it was to be taken with a pinch of salt....

SexyGreyFox · 27 Mar 2011 at 15:50

Castiel said:
I always thought that in forum etiquette capitalisation meant that it was to be taken with a pinch of salt....

FACT

Dinomania · 27 Mar 2011 at 15:57

Davepen said:
But the way I see it, if she doesent want to have sex with you, she either:
a) doesent fancy you
b) is getting it somewhere else
c) is just frigid!

We're missing one:
d) is tired, stressed and busy

I've been doing a PGCE year (teacher training) and unfortunatey due to the ever-present workload, worry, daily scrutiny and push for rapid improvement, I've not been very keen on sex.

Actually, that's a lie - I love sex and aways have done (also, he's very good) - BUT it feels like a mountain to climb to get 'into the mood' when your perception is that you already don't have enough time and/or energy to get everything you need to do, done.

Somehow I need to be out of the teaching zone, out of the marking/planning zone, unaware of what the time is - or unaware of the passing of time, and in a slightly sexy mood. Getting those to happen is difficult right now and THE most offputting thing is trying to be open and willing to have sex and THEN a thought about one of tomorrow's lessons pops into your thoughts. It's hard to commit to sexytime when classfuls of young teenagers keep invading your head.

The sad thing is I /want/ to make the effort for him, I /want/ him to find me sexy - I have no problems getting dressed up and looking nice for him (in that clingy dress he LOVES as it shows off my curves) but when it comes down to it, I end up saying that I can't - because I don't want to disappoint him by just being a sack of potatoes for pounding (it's really hard to 'give back' when you're not feeling properly into it).

It upsets me a lot and it's not exactly fun being in the knowledge that I am frustrating him.

It seems it happens you lot at times too:

rypt said:
The last girl I was seeing possibly wanted it more than me at the time, but that was because I was very busy with lots of other stuff on my mind at the time ...

LordSplodge said:
Bailing from a long term relationship due to a possible short term sexual problem is like bailing because there is a short term money problem. It's the easy way out and probably explains the high divorce rate.

I'm very lucky, I have a very understanding and patient boyfriend. We talk about it and I show him how upset the whole thing makes me - and if things don't improve once I'm on holiday (we break up Wednesday, wheeeee), then we'll start looking at what we can actively do to bring me back to the boil.

I'm half Swedish, fer chrissake, these things must come and go - and had better come back again!

GordyR said:
[Re 4 times a day] Thats only normal for us at the weekends. Most days it would be either once or twice in the evening or maybe in the morning before work. It might sound a lot but it just suits us. She wants it as much as me so it just works.

I echo LordSplodge here - how do you have the time?! Or are they all quickies?

Usually if we're having sex (just once) then we don't get back to the real world again until at least an hour and a half later! There'd never be time for anything else! When would we eat, sleep, dance, work, play guitar, watch a film, talk stupid puns to each other - and see any of our mates?

Erm, in conclusion - I couldn't do a lack of sexual intimacy forever. But it's not just for the orgasms - more for the intimacy - somehow you have to keep your intimacy ticking along.

In the absence of sex, some very intimate and frank conversations do need to be had, or else someone ends up feeling left out in the cold. Communication++

Finally also - you realise this isn't only a problem from the male perspective - there are many men with impotence problems, and some of you may see it in your life and find you're frustrated from the other side. Yes Viagra exists - does it always work? Does it actually get you excited or just give you an unfeeling stiffy?

What would you think if your wife upped and left because you couldn't get it up?

SexyGreyFox · 27 Mar 2011 at 16:11

sara said:
The sad thing is I /want/ to make the effort for him, I /want/ him to find me sexy - I have no problems getting dressed up and looking nice for him (in that clingy dress he LOVES as it shows off my curves) but when it comes down to it, I end up saying that I can't - because I don't want to disappoint him by just being a sack of potatoes for pounding (it's really hard to 'give back' when you're not feeling properly into it).
It upsets me a lot and it's not exactly fun being in the knowledge that I am frustrating him.

It took me ages to get to my keyboard to reply.
Anyway, just be honest with him.
Tell him that you're not in the mood but you don't mind being a sack of potatoes for 10 minutes which is far better than him not getting any.
When you get to our age you will be a sack of King Edwards most of the time anyway.

Dinomania · 27 Mar 2011 at 16:15

dmpoole said:
It took me ages to get to my keyboard to reply.
Anyway, just be honest with him.
Tell him that you're not in the mood but you don't mind being a sack of potatoes for 10 minutes which is far better than him not getting any.
When you get to our age you will be a sack of King Edwards most of the time anyway.

Nice. Thanks for that! Trying not to take it personally...

I am honest, and he prefers us doing nothing at all, to me being there in body but not mind. So things aren't /that/ bad - I've been living away Mondays to Fridays too which is no help, and we've only had one weekend with *nothing*.

Still incredibly frustrating though.

Yas786 · 27 Mar 2011 at 16:34

sara said:
Yes Viagra exists - does it always work? Does it actually get you excited or just give you an unfeeling stiffy?

Of course it does :confused:

...its just gives you an extra helping hand so to speak ie you dont have to concentrate on trying to get erect etc etc...ive tried both the proper viagra and herbal varieties a few times...purely for research purposes and found the herbal stuff much better and less side effects.

But ive found that even using it while tired etc...it does help but also gives you the unfeeling type of erection ie where your not in control...it all depends on your frame of mind...if your not in the 'mood' for sex then no amount of drugs will get u in the 'mood' so to speak....just my experiences with viagra....for me the way i see it, is that viagra just help keep the erection...it doesnt make you a better lover or put u in the mood so to speak.

regulus · 27 Mar 2011 at 16:50

I've always envied girls for the fact that they could have sex rather easily, even if they didn't felt the mood. It's much harder (pun not intended) for guys to give the missus some if you're not feeling it.

As I said, I'm currently seeing a Swedish girl and her sex drive is something for the science labs. I'm having a herculean time trying to keep up and keeping the gun loaded for whenever the mood takes her fancy. During times like that I feel I could really do without sex for months on end. Just me, my PC, bottle of whiskey and the cat. Nobody around wanting to hump you. Lovely.

^TANK^ · 27 Mar 2011 at 17:55

dmpoole said:
Tell him that you're not in the mood but you don't mind being a sack of potatoes for 10 minutes which is far better than him not getting any.

SHAME ON YOU!

You ****ing sicken me, thats an appalling way to treat a woman :mad:

.

Hxc · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:00

regulus said:
I've always envied girls for the fact that they could have sex rather easily, even if they didn't felt the mood. It's much harder (pun not intended) for guys to give the missus some if you're not feeling it.

If you say that to a female you will regret it

SexyGreyFox · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:03

^TANK^ said:
SHAME ON YOU!

You ****ing sicken me, thats an appalling way to treat a woman .

Is that Tank on a high horse?

I think you should read what I wrote instead of making up what you think I wrote.
Tut tut - shame on you.

I'll give you a clue.
You should have said:
You ****ing sicken me, thats an appalling way to treat a MAN :mad:

.

^TANK^ · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:10

dmpoole said:
Is that Tank on a high horse?

I think you should read what I wrote instead of making up what you think I wrote.
Tut tut - shame on you.

No I read it quite clearly and you're a ****ing horrible human being if you think thats an acceptable way to treat a woman!

SexyGreyFox · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:18

^TANK^ said:
No I read it quite clearly and you're a ****ing horrible human being if you think thats an acceptable way to treat a woman!

You are reading it wrong.
It is how the man is being treated.
No need to be nasty because you can't read.

Go on then, I'll play your childish game - what did I say?
Go on Tank tell me

Nitefly · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:20

I don't know what I'd do without the quest for intercourse, so no

bitslice · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:24

dmpoole said:
Absolutely, sex does play a massive part in a relationship.
If you don't get any you are likely to wander - FACT.

Depends on the person I'd imagine? I've been through periods of nothing as she was unwell, but the idea that I would have gone elsewhere would be unthinkable. You don't get married to then mess about like that.
A loss of intimacy would have been awful, but that's still a long way from getting divorced.

Cleeecooo · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:31

dmpoole said:
You are reading it wrong.
It is how the man is being treated.
No need to be nasty because you can't read.

Go on then, I'll play your childish game - what did I say?
Go on Tank tell me

I thought u were tellin Sara to be a sack of potatos?
That is pretty horrid. I wouldnt sleep with a "sack of potatoes" just because they cant find the time for me.
Instead of arguing why dont yoi explain what u meant by that post?

^TANK^ · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:32

dmpoole said:
You are reading it wrong.
It is how the man is being treated.
No need to be nasty because you can't read.

Go on then, I'll play your childish game - what did I say?
Go on Tank tell me

Good God act your age.

dmpoole said:
Tell him that you're not in the mood but you don't mind being a sack of potatoes for 10 minutes which is far better than him not getting any.

I read it as if you were suggesting that Sara lay there like a real doll, until her boyfriend was fully satisfied. I think Sara read your post the same way I did as well.

Deleted User 234324 · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:34

An ex of mine from years ago had a medical condition which meant penetration was painful, the only time any sexy time would happen is after lots of drink to numb the pain but then she would suffer badly the next day.

Suffice to say after a few months the relationship broke down. Ofcourse a now after several years of suffering with it she has finally got around to getting it sorted.

SexyGreyFox · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:53

^TANK^ said:
Good God act your age.

Pot kettle black.

^TANK^ said:
I read it as if you were suggesting that Sara lay there like a real doll, until her boyfriend was fully satisfied. I think Sara read your post the same way I did as well.

Yes I did suggest that but only because of the rather sexy paragraph she wrote about wanting to satisfy him but wouldn't be able to respond back.
After my post she went on to explain that he wouldn't want it that way anyway.
Sometimes you do things to keep the love of your life happy.
For example I had 5 Newcy Browns last night and wouldn't be able to perform but the wife was feeling frisky so I let her take advantage while I tried to stop the room from spinning.
It's all about give and take.

Nitefly · 27 Mar 2011 at 18:54

dmpoole said:
For example I had 5 Newcy Browns last night and wouldn't be able to perform but the wife was feeling frisky so I let her take advantage while I tried to stop the room from spinning.
It's all about give and take.

LOL