Anyone had an affair ?
- Thread starter GJ02
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Same.
It was only a sixth form relationship which had been going for almost 2 years so not massive by any accounts but it was my first 'proper' relationship. I can't comprehend how much worse it would be if I were married.
I wouldn't ever have an affair. If I ever found myself considering it I'd have to question if the woman I married was really compatible with me.
If I've ever been uphappy in a relationship/fling I've been man enough to grow some balls and tell the other person up front how I feel and what I want to happen. I don't think I would ever use letting my partner find out about another woman as a way of terminating things, not that I ever would be looking elsewhere for it anyway.
My father cheated on my mother and hearing him appologising for it on his death bead (post divorce) is never a situation I want to be in myself.
There's something within me that just won't allow myself to treat people I care about or owe something to badly.
Totally understand your dilema and its not an easy one to solve.
I can tell you what I would do, but that doesn't mean it would be the right decision for you.
I would tell her outright that I trust her implicitly, but feel that she should be more concerned with my feelings on matters such as these. And that she should be mature enough to be aware of how that could be percieved by an outsider who is not fully aware of her and her friends relationship.
Now - With some women this will cause an argument and they will call you controlling, even though you're truthfully not. With the more emotionally mature ones they will listen and reason with you or at least try to reassure you. But regardless, I have always been completely honest about my feelings even if I know that this might ultimately breakdown the relationship. I've always felt that if she can't take my feelings into consideration then she is not the one for me and I will find someone who is concerned with how I feel etc.
This has always worked for me, and this attitude of moving on if i'm not happy has ultimately led to me finding somone who I am quite literally blissfully happy with in every concievable way.
BUT... I am well aware this isn't the right course of action for everyone. Please don't think I am being big headed here but I'm not naive and know that I am a very attractive guy and have never had problems with finding women. For me... Just 'settling' or pandering to a woman if she wasn't what I really wanted was never an option.
Ugh... I've just re-read the above and it really does sound like i'm being a self centred idiot. But that really isn't the case. I'm just being sincere and honest.
Its quite interesting how a fairly simple act (sex) can get everyone emotionally wound up to the point where they take the knowledge of what they have done, to the grave.
At the core of this, is basic tribal nature, but it's been clouded with 'love' and decades of male emasculation.
If either party cheats, its for a reason, and i very much doubt its something you can say you wouldnt do, until you have been there. If they did it when they were out with their friends getting drunk, then ask yourself why they feel the need to go out in groups and on the pull. If it doesnt involve bars/clubs then it's less 'chance' and a more calculated situation which can usually be tracked back to something more core.
But as metalface mark said, if you or a girl/boy went off and had sex with someone else, and no children came out of it - then fundamentally what is the issue? (And by that, i mean the state of the universe has not changed and life goes on) Most of the time it's the confusion in peoples heads about what LOVE is, and what makes them feel secure.
I'm not saying i agree or disagree with it - but its funny how a simple physical act has become what it is to everyone these days.
At the core of this, is basic tribal nature, but it's been clouded with 'love' and decades of male emasculation.
If either party cheats, its for a reason, and i very much doubt its something you can say you wouldnt do, until you have been there. If they did it when they were out with their friends getting drunk, then ask yourself why they feel the need to go out in groups and on the pull. If it doesnt involve bars/clubs then it's less 'chance' and a more calculated situation which can usually be tracked back to something more core.
But as metalface mark said, if you or a girl/boy went off and had sex with someone else, and no children came out of it - then fundamentally what is the issue? (And by that, i mean the state of the universe has not changed and life goes on) Most of the time it's the confusion in peoples heads about what LOVE is, and what makes them feel secure.
I'm not saying i agree or disagree with it - but its funny how a simple physical act has become what it is to everyone these days.
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Been cheated on many years ago, could never do it
They're out there mate... Trust me. Just don't fall in to the trap of settling for something you're not entirely happy with and you'll come across her eventually
I'm not to fussed atm, the missus I'm with atm is pretty 'DTF' to quote the ever lovable jersey shore crew
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I've cheated on ex's but learnt my lesson...wouldn't do it again!
Same here...dont see the point of having an affair...invariably you will be caught out one day and it isnt worth the pain tbqh.
I know this first hand as my dad had numerous affairs behind my moms back....in the end she found out and threw him out....
A friend I used to work with is having a long term affair, although having a mistress almost seems more appropriate in his case, she's well aware he's married and is basically who he goes out with if he's going out.
He seems to be and claims to be reasonably happy with his married life (2 kids) and sees them as completely seperate things really.
He seems to be and claims to be reasonably happy with his married life (2 kids) and sees them as completely seperate things really.
Been cheated on and honestly couldn't bring myself to do it, no matter how angry or frustrated I have been with my soon to be wife now.
To those saying you can be cheated on without knowing mustn't really know the people they have relationships with that well or have lived with them for any length of time, because I find it changes how your partner behaves, their body language and attitude towards you, sometimes over night if its a whirlwind thing and to me was obvious as soon as it started.
To those saying you can be cheated on without knowing mustn't really know the people they have relationships with that well or have lived with them for any length of time, because I find it changes how your partner behaves, their body language and attitude towards you, sometimes over night if its a whirlwind thing and to me was obvious as soon as it started.
Yes, I have. During a rough patch in my relationship, sex was non existent tried to sort the problem with no avail, started getting pretty frustrated, then somebody else started showing a "sexual interest" in me and it kind of went from there. It didn't last long, a couple of weeks.
To be honest, I feel pretty indifferent about the whole thing. Would I do it again? I'd like to think not, but, at the end of the day, I'm only human and we all suffer from human emotion.
To be honest, I feel pretty indifferent about the whole thing. Would I do it again? I'd like to think not, but, at the end of the day, I'm only human and we all suffer from human emotion.
What the Hell, I did nothing of the sort. 
Anyways.
When I'm in a serious relationship I would never cheat, I have far more respect for my partners than that. I do sleep about when I'm single though.
I haven't no, but I did have a .. thing with a married woman, although I had NO idea she was married. Lasted about 3 months until she told me everything and broke it off. I was a bit grossed out thinking about the things we used to do in bed and then she'd go back to her house/family and be a wife and mother. For some reason it was the kids that bothered me the most. They deserve a better mother than the one they had
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I've never understood people that do this, the first part that is. I seem to know a few people who will be with someone, until literally, something better in their mind comes along...ditch their current partner to be with the new one, then a few months on same thing, and so on. Not meant as a judgment upon yourself, but I just dont understand those people that can't seem to be alone, that are always with someone. If youre in a relationship and putting yourself in a position where youre likely to meet someone else, you really shouldnt be in that relationship in the first place!
When i was with my ex i broke up with her but gave in when she was begging to give it a bit longer. In this period however i met up with a woman (who's marriage was coming to an end but still lived with her husband) whom i'd been spoken over email with for about 2 years, we hit it off and are now together although we did sleep together whilst both with our partners.
That worked out quite badly for all involved for a couple months!
That worked out quite badly for all involved for a couple months!
I can, its not like the people are unhappy in their original relationship, its just that they've since met someone who they feel happier/more comfortable with.
