critique my car advert

Concise bullet points would be a better idea than that wall of text and waffle.

Also you mention that the alloys are damaged and don't show pictures of them.
 
Off we go.

it's the smoothest car I have ever owned
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Nobody cares you've never owned a better car before, it isn't relevent to the advert.

I recently have completed a service
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This might put people off, although a few people might think its a sign of you looking after it, most will view it, rightly or wrongly, as evidence you are cutting corners to save money. I'd be tempted to say it's been recently serviced instead - which is true - giving you an opportunity to explain to people when they view.

Even though this car has a 2.5L engine don't let this put you off it averages 32mpg over the last few tanks on airport runs etc I can get up to 38mpg
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You are not selling somebody the idea of a 3 Series. If they've got as far as your advert they probably already want to buy a 3 Series, the advert is to sell YOUR 3 Series. Therefore entirely subjective comments about average fuel economy are IMHO not required.

This car is perfect
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No it's not - it's an 11 year old car. No 11 year old car is perfect. Putting things like this is asking for trouble. Use terms like 'very good' or 'in excellent condition'. Do not use terms like perfect or mint - they don't mean what you think they do.

The car has its standard 17inch sport alloys
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Does it? I don't think those wheels were standard on that car?

It also has the port for an iPod in the boot.
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This implies its some sort of standard fit item - it isn't. If you've fitted an aftermarket ipod interface, perhaps explain more.

The bodywork is also mint
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Really? No imperfections at all? Not a single stonechip? Not a single mark? No swirls at all?

Let me remind you what mint means: 'in mint condition in perfect condition; as if new '

It's an 11 year car, it isn't as new.

Basically I think the advert is just far too wordy. And most of the wordy stuff is pretty meaningless waffle or excessive and over the top claims which won't stand up to inspection. You've gone overboard on the text yet there are only 3 pictures.

The pictures themselves are poor - the first is an angle that shows nothing of the car. The second is the car parked in a dark garage and only the third pic is any good. You look like you have quite a nice house with a nice drive, so use this to your advantage. Take 6-8 DECENT pictures of the car on your drive. No arty-farty rubbish, just decent pictures of the interior or exterior.

You have spent ages telling us how mint this car is then not really bothered to show us in the pictures.
 
Less arty shots and add more practical shots, e.g. all sides of the car, interior shots, pics of the engine bay, boot space, alloys etc.

I don't know what the going rate for one of these is so I imagine you've done all the homework on the price side of things?

e : and also all of what Fox said but I couldn't be bothered to do it line by line.
 
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I only put 3 pictures as it was the free listing on pistonheads. I will possibly upgrade and add some more pictures there are more on the ebay listing. http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=110680595345&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT Thanks for the comments and suggestions I am going to rewrite it later and take a lot of the parts fox has spoken about out and edit them.


Edit-
I have had a reword is this looking a little better?

MOT – February 2012
Tax – September 2011
Mileage- 68k

About the car:
There are no issues with this engine or gearbox, it has the 6 pot 2.5L engine. A service has recently been done on the car. I had an oil pressure sensor replaced this year using OEM parts. I also replaced the battery this winter that has a 2 year warranty. I also had a front control arm bush replaced with OEM part. The wheels are the 17inch standard ones that came with the car when first bought, 2 are curbed slightly the others are very clean. The front tyres have 5mm+ the rears will need replacing shortly.

The interior is in great condition everything is original there is the bmw torch and medic kit untouched there is also the service book with all the manuals in the leather folder. The car features the bmw business stereo and half leather sport seats with the bolster support. It also has the port for an iPod in the boot this was installed as a option when new. All the seats are in great condition and there are no rips or tares in any of them the leather is protected every time the car gets washed.

The bodywork is also in very good condition when I spent around 3 days detailing it. I machine polished the whole car and then protected and sealed it with various different products. There are no major marks on the car there are a few stone chips.

At the moment my private plate is on the car but is due to be transferred in the next few days, I am welcome for you to come and view the car and take it for a drive to see how great it really is. I have two keys and the plastic key which is rare. I also have a stack of paperwork proving all the work it’s had done over the years. For any more information please give me a call.

The reason for sale is I fancy a change and a sportier car the car is located in wisbech PE14 postcode.
 
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You want a front back and both sides plus 2 interior shots, then what Fox said, with enthusiast owned at the end if you want to type a bit more :)

Seriously forget the torch forget the first aid kit, you want the good points of the car, as points not a block of text. No one cares about the 3 day detail, its all just bumf.
 
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Did you really include a random shot of the car in what looks like an abandoned garage for keeping stolen cars?

..... :p

At best it makes me immediately think "oh god, young owner with silly artistic pictures", at worst i'd just think "probably nicked, next!".
 
The other thing i'd be very :/ about is that it's only have ONE front control arm bushes replaced.
 
In my experience the pistonheads free ads bit has never been any good for me, you just end up too far down the list even when you enter some fairly specific search filter terms, this will be especially true for e46's I'm sure as there's a lot of them for sale at a very similar price point.

I see you have it on eBay already and I must say I've always had success with eBay 28 day classified listings and paying the extra money for sub text line, more pictures, etc. It just seems the best way of getting loads of eyeballs to adverts.

I'd also echo what others are saying, you just need to tell the key facts accompanied by some good quality pictures of both the interior and exterior.

Good luck with the sale.
 
Definitely go and grab some more pictures. The arty stuff might be cool for showing off on forums but it is not really what potential buyers want to see.

Your standard stuff, Front, back, sides, few interior shots, one of the engine bay, one of the boot and you're done.

I also agree with a few people above. Keep the ad simple. Despite it being what most of us here would like to see when looking for a used car the general public don't really seemed to be impressed when people take the time out to write paragraph after paragraph about a car, certainly not when it comes to a reasonably common 3.5k BMW at least, so cut out the war and peace stuff. You don't quite have to go to the level of 'BMW 323i, blue, ABS, EW, alloys, £3500ono' but clear and concise bullet points/sentences are all you need. Save all the salesman ear chewing until they are there on your drive with cash in their pocket :).
 
I have uploaded a load of new photos on ebay link I have also drafted this together which is a lot shorter pointing the key facts,

"• MOT February 2012
• Tax September 2012
• Mileage 68k
• 2.5L engine FSH
• Great condition interior, including bmw business cd player.
• Very good condition bodywork, only minor stone chips.
• 17 inch alloy wheels, 1 is curbed slightly about 2 inches (see picture) rest are fine.
• 5mm+ front tyre tread rears will require replacement in future.
• New oil pressure sensor, front control arm bush, battery.
• Both keys plus plastic key, service book.
• Washed and waxed weekly.
• Owned by an enthusiast.
The car currently has a private plate on it which is being transferred off at the moment, reason for sale I want a sports car. The car is located in PE14 Wisbech. For more information please give me a call.
"

I have also lowered the price to £3500 to get it gone!
 
Gaygle makes a point, why a single control arm bush? You always replace those in pairs.

Seems like corners have been cut on the ownership of this car - what brand of tyres are they? Try and play this sort of thing down in the advert.
 
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