No cold callers

jmc007 said:
My aunt has a little printed note on her front door that made me smile.

POSTMAN
"If you have a parcel in your sack, please leave it around the back."


*Edit. N ot feeling very charitable this morning. "If your coming to cold call, **** off I don't want to know at all."
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Am I the only one that read something dirty into that?

How about:

TO ALL CALLERS
If you have no prior appointment, I'll smother you in man-juice ointment.
 
no_cold_calls.jpg


I use this, dead small next to bell. Seems to do the trick and doesn't give the impression I hate all people and everyone's unwelcome..although that's partially true :p
 
did get cold called about joining a gym other day, nice to see they are mixing it up a bit normally just the same british gas guy.. and im with british gas already... lol
 
Order one of these with "If your trying to sell me something, would you kindly **** off. Thanks" on.

When it arrives, place it by the door and whenever you answer it, put it on.

Ta da :)
 
I find it quite funny when they knock. I have two approaches, just go along with it and let them say everything they want and then just close the door on them.

The other method only works when I am about to leave to Judo, it is really easy, just open the door whilst working my suit. They tend to just walk away in fear. Muhahaha :)
 
bertboy13 said:
I find it quite funny when they knock. I have two approaches, just go along with it and let them say everything they want and then just close the door on them.

The other method only works when I am about to leave to Judo, it is really easy, just open the door whilst working my suit. They tend to just walk away in fear. Muhahaha :)
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If they stay there, keep "adjusting" for a few moments - each time they speak just kind of "ahummmm" shush them while you adjust.

After about 10 seconds of that, look at them, then punch yourself SQUARE in the balls with a theatrical "HHHYYAAOOOOO!!!!". After your hand comes away from your balls, stare at them maniacally, your mouth still retaining the "O" shape, and slowly close the door with your other hand.
 
We had one come round some time ago. Pretty new to the job, very young and about as subtle as a brick. He was also ginger, but we won't hold that against him.

Anyway he clearly could not read or chose not to read the "No cold callers sign" and it was unfortunate for him that it was me who opened the door to him.

Rep "Good afternoon sir, I would like to talk to you about Sky"
Me "Yes, it's blue" looking up at the sky and gesturing for the young lad to do the same
Rep "No sir, Sky TV"
Me "Oh there's a TV in the Sky ? Whats on?"
Rep "No sir satelite television" he's scratching his head now
Me "Oh you mean I get to watch it in space?"

The puzzled look on his face now is classic, he's not sure if I'm joking or serious

Rep "No sir, we fit a dish to your house and you get it at home"
Me "What sort of dish ? Deep dish ? Cereal dish ? Pastry dish ?"
Rep "No sir, a sateilte dish"
Me "Oh I see, what does this have to do with the Sky"

He's getting pretty agitated at this point but I carry on anyway

Rep "The company is called Sky, you get some exciting channels, are you into sports or nature at all?"
Me "Well I like going to a nudist camp, and being at one with nature"
Rep "I see, I think I'll call back another day"

We haven't seen a Sky rep now for 12 months or more, he went away very confused and didn't even bother the rest of the street, jumped into his Mazda 2 and sped off.
 
If I don't know who it is at the door I just shout **** OFF !!! from my desk, Doesn't usually need shouting more than once.

I should add that anybody that knows me uses my back door.
 
No mate I don't mind people having a laugh at me, I saw it as soon as I wrote it but went with it for the Lols. :D
 
Pestilence said:
If they stay there, keep "adjusting" for a few moments - each time they speak just kind of "ahummmm" shush them while you adjust.

After about 10 seconds of that, look at them, then punch yourself SQUARE in the balls with a theatrical "HHHYYAAOOOOO!!!!". After your hand comes away from your balls, stare at them maniacally, your mouth still retaining the "O" shape, and slowly close the door with your other hand.
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Might try that one. Sometimes it's woman though, should I apply the same tactic with there lady parts?

Wait, I read that wrong. Punch myself in the balls. It would be much better to punch them surely?
 
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I see no problem in ignoring the door unless you know you're expecting someone or something...most of these people ignore any sign anyway so I doubt it'll stop.

I have my side door open while on computer and I'll see at least 1 person walking door-to-door every few days, if not more.

Also kinda related I see so many white-van gypo's on the lookout for scrap metal and junk, I bet it's 4-5 a week slow driving down the crescent....creepy.
 
BringTheRain said:
I cant remember fully the conversation. But I was talking to our local CPO and he said the No Cold Caller sign, doesn't do anything. It doesn't stand up in court, but the police can ask you to move on. As it was something to do with by laws

This explains it
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i may be wrong, but the main idea of this scheme, is to stop gypsys and travellers and any other dodgy dealers from exploiting old and vulnerable people.
if you are from a legitimate company, then there is not much they can do.
 
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