Morning joke

stiv121

stiv121

stiv121

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Joined
4 Nov 2009
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Port Glasgow
First thread in GD after a few years on lurking =D So don't be harsh on a repeat of a joke I heard last night =P

A man bought a budgie. It kept repeating, "I'm a Glesca (Glasgow) budgie and i'm as tough as nails".
After a week, the man got so fed up he bought a kestral and put it in the cage and said "lets see how tough you are". Next morning, the kestral was dead. The budgie said "i'm a Glesca Budgie and i'm as tough as nails".
The man bought a buzzard and put it in the cage, Next morning the buzzard was dead and the budgie said "i'm a Glesca budgie and i'm as tough as nails". The man bought a Golden Eagle and put it in the cage, next morning the Golden Eagle was dead and the budgie had no feathers left, The budgie said "had to take my jacket off for that one".

Should I get my coat...? =D
 
Paddy went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said Paddy, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off.

He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping"

Gets coat and joins op......
 
simulatorman said:
Paddy went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give us the lot" said Paddy, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off.

He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping"

Gets coat and joins op......
Click to expand...

Dear. God.

"Hello, is that the firing squad? Yes, we have another one. Yes, urgently please. Thankyou."

At least your shame won't last long :(







:D :p
 
Shayper said:
Dear. God.

"Hello, is that the firing squad? Yes, we have another one. Yes, urgently please. Thankyou."

At least your shame won't last long :(

:D :p
Click to expand...

Dear Shapyer.

Have another.

God :p


This young lady walks into a pet store to buy a parrot. The guy behind the counter says that he only has one and that it's a real "smart-ass", with a vulgar vocabulary and rude temperament.

The woman says that’s ok I know how to handle ****holes like that, I want the parrot anyhow.

So the woman gets the bird home puts it in her room, and starts to get ready for bed. Just as she gets her slacks off the parrot says: "awk... nice legs baby" Well the woman isn't gonna take this **** so she takes the bird out of the cage and puts it in the freezer for three minutes.

While the parrots in the freezer, he becomes real sure that this was the wrong thing to say, and is making a large mental note about saying that again.

The next night, again the woman is getting ready for bed this time the parrot knows not to say anything about her legs, but after she removes her blouse, and then her bra... the parrot just can't resist any longer. He blurts out "awk... great **** baby let’s see ya shake um".

This once again gets the woman ****ed-off and she decides that instead of three minutes in the freezer, she is going to keep the parrot in for five minutes.

Well the parrot has lots of time to think this time, and remorse gives way to desperation, and finally to anger so that the adrenalin will allow him to continue to live.

Finally the woman opens the freezer door take out the near frozen parrot and asks... "Well, have you learned your lesson??"

The parrot still shivering and barely able to speak says... "awk... yea yea sure sure, but i just have one question....."

The woman says... "Yes?"

The parrot says "awk... what did the turkey do, ask for a blow job?"
 
simulatorman said:
Dear Shapyer.

Have another.

God :p


This young lady walks into a pet store to buy a parrot. The guy behind the counter says that he only has one and that it's a real "smart-ass", with a vulgar vocabulary and rude temperament.

The woman says that’s ok I know how to handle ****holes like that, I want the parrot anyhow.

So the woman gets the bird home puts it in her room, and starts to get ready for bed. Just as she gets her slacks off the parrot says: "awk... nice legs baby" Well the woman isn't gonna take this **** so she takes the bird out of the cage and puts it in the freezer for three minutes.

While the parrots in the freezer, he becomes real sure that this was the wrong thing to say, and is making a large mental note about saying that again.

The next night, again the woman is getting ready for bed this time the parrot knows not to say anything about her legs, but after she removes her blouse, and then her bra... the parrot just can't resist any longer. He blurts out "awk... great **** baby let’s see ya shake um".

This once again gets the woman ****ed-off and she decides that instead of three minutes in the freezer, she is going to keep the parrot in for five minutes.

Well the parrot has lots of time to think this time, and remorse gives way to desperation, and finally to anger so that the adrenalin will allow him to continue to live.

Finally the woman opens the freezer door take out the near frozen parrot and asks... "Well, have you learned your lesson??"

The parrot still shivering and barely able to speak says... "awk... yea yea sure sure, but i just have one question....."

The woman says... "Yes?"

The parrot says "awk... what did the turkey do, ask for a blow job?"
Click to expand...

"QUICK! THIS IS URGENT! Screw the firing squad, have you got a nuke handy?"





:D

(oh and you spelt my name wrong :p)
 
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