Unable to leave house through front door

Nitefly · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:27

Urrrrrrrrrrrrgh what the hell!!! Obligatory rubbish picture apple product comment, but that thing is godlike in size, it's coming out about 2 inches from the wall!!

Probably going to eat my soul later.

Nitefly said:
Here are two better photos. I'm hoping it stays outside.

jaybrock · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:32

Worst of all, if you don't catch it right now, it'll crawl away somewhere else and you not only won't be able to leave through the front door, you also won't be able to eat in the kitchen (might be on a plate, in your food, in your fridge, a pan, etc.) you won't be able to sleep because it might already sleep somewhere in your bed, or it might be waiting for you to go to sleep to indeed eat your soul, you won't be able to use the shower because you'll be helpless and naked, you won't be able to use the toilet because ... yeah.

mp260767 · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:32

Nitefly said:
Probably going to eat my soul later.

that's the least of your worries.

just imagine what damage it will do if it decides to climb into your ear tonight when your asleep...........

rosso5792 · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:33

that spider isn't worthy of a newspaper, time for a more extreme approach *gets flamethrower*

Marine Iguana · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:33

Its eggs are already inside you :eek:

Sunbed · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:34

Nuke it from fire

Also that really isn't that big. Try living in an old farmhouse that was built in the 1600s, everyone knows that a spiders size is proportional to the age of the house it lives in.

jaybrock · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:34

basically, what I'm trying to say is your life's over :-(

joxang · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:34

Aw cute. That's not that big lol

!! Prob just an overgrown house spider. Karate kick it.

Dark Sun · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:35

Dust off and nuke the site from orbit

J.T · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:36

Keep it as a pet.

antijoke · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:37

Eat it.

Make sure you chew it though.

The Dread Pirate · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:39

Man up it's a non-poisonous house spider that won't even be able to harm you in the slightest!

Dunks · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:40

I had one a little bigger that in my house yesterday

I saw what I thought was a shadow make it's way across the floor, then I realised it was actually a massive spider

I got some tissue and killed it, I normally don't kill spiders, moths etc, but if this thing managed to get loose I'd never have got to sleep

Nitefly · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:45

Yes I know it's just a big house spider but... damn, big is an understatement! This is a better picture taken from the safety of the other side

Compare with first photo for a better idea of perspective / size

Marine Iguana · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:47

Pick it up and put it outside not gonna kill ya

yet

SoSolid · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:48

Ask TW Fox to nuke it from orbit. He is the only one capable of rectifying such a problem.

The Dread Pirate · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:48

1. Get Pintglass

2. Put over top of spider

3. Get piece of card

4. slide under pint glass and spider

5. take outside

6. ....

7. PROFIT!

Dugganator · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:49

That spider will be banging your misses after you have left. Its already proven its more alpha then you and made you leave your own house through the backdoor.

You should have killed it and then shown your women what a real man is like. Now the spider is taking the backdoor route on your misses

To top it all off I bet its eggs are hatching as we speak

pingwing · 5 Aug 2011 at 10:58

Seen bigger

Was expecting something peep show style (the first episode) where Mark is stuck inside from the kids that keep calling him a paedo...

Dissapointed

bhavv · 5 Aug 2011 at 11:00

Get a shoe, either on your foot if the spider is in leg reach, or in your hand if it is too high up.

Stomp or whack it as fast as you can.

Just make sure you dont miss.