Violent Girlfriend, Kids in the middle.

ANONANON

ANONANON

ANONANON

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My girlfriend has burst of intense anger aimed at me and my 2 kids. Anything can trigger it off and it usually involves her shouting at the top of her voice screaming verbal abuse at me and our young son. She even shouts in the same manner at our 3 month old.

When she's in a good mood, she will kinda admit to having an anger problem and a while back she did say she was going to do something about it, but nothing has changed. Once that mood starts to brew, she blows and all hell breaks loose. She can control it whenever we have visitors, she comes across all innocent but behind closed doors she's ranting and raving again.

I don't want to be here with her any more, but i want full custody of the kids. Would video taping her with a secret pocket camera when she's shouting abuse be enough for the courts to give me custody?
 
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You want professional guidance not armchair advice from GD'ers. Speak to a solicitor and/or CAB.

e : I was too slow. The previous two posters have shown why my advice is sound.
 
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Get her calm, and get her to seek professional help. Get her dosed and everything should be cool.
 
Haha, funnily enough, before you even got to the bits about breaking up with her, taking custody of the kids and recording it... I was already thinking the exact same thing!
 
I know you want to leave and what you suggest is a good idea imo but have you considered telling her that you're planning on leaving and saying you'll stay if she goes to therapy/anger management?
 
Reginald said:
I know you want to leave and what you suggest is a good idea imo but have you considered telling her that you're planning on leaving and saying you'll stay if she goes to therapy/anger management?
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This does seem like a more sensible approach
 
5live in the week had a phone call in about this, guy rung up just like you saying, that he just stayed with the kids because if he even tried anything and he lost custody the kids would just get the brunt of her nastiness.

Trying to find the link on iplayer for you.
 
ANONANON said:
I don't want to be here with her any more, but i want full custody of the kids. Would video taping her with a secret pocket camera when she's shouting abuse be enough for the courts to give me custody?
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So that you understand I do actually know what I am talking about, I must tell you that I spent 2 years in the Family Courts, representing myself, in pursuit of defined contact with my son. It was, without exaggeration, the singular most horrible and stressful experience of my life. My first, and most important, piece of advice is to avoid going to Court if at all possible. I'll repeat that, just to make sure it sinks in. Avoid going to Court if at all possible. Unless there is an exceptionally compelling reason not to do so, the Courts always try to order a position that is a middle ground between that which each parent wishes; you'll each get life partly as you'd life, but it's never entirely satisfactory to anyone. You are highly unlikely to achieve sole or joint custody. Fewer than 10% of applications by Fathers are successful.

Having read the details you've posted, I'd suggest that you have a number of options available to you. Firstly, your wife should be encouraged to seek medical help. I am not going to try and guess what is wrong with her, but she may have a condition which can be made more bearable by medication. If she won't listen to you, seek support from members of her family she's close to and ask them to encourage her as well. As regards your relationship, perhaps make an appointment at Relate? They can help, but please understand you need to separate the issues here and deal with each individually, or you shall get no where.

If things do go badly wrong, and you feel that, upon reflection, you might be better off apart, then feel free to get in touch (e-mail is in trust), and I shall be happy to put you in touch with some good support forums where you might get better advise.

In everything you do, never forget that your children are at the center of all of this. You are irrelevant, all of your energy must be directed to achieving the best possible outcome for them. Good luck.
 
ANONANON said:
My girlfriend has burst of intense anger aimed at me and my 2 kids. Anything can trigger it off and it usually involves her shouting at the top of her voice screaming verbal abuse at me and our young son. She even shouts in the same manner at our 3 month old.

When she's in a good mood, she will kinda admit to having an anger problem and a while back she did say she was going to do something about it, but nothing has changed. Once that mood starts to brew, she blows and all hell breaks loose. She can control it whenever we have visitors, she comes across all innocent but behind closed doors she's ranting and raving again.

I don't want to be here with her any more, but i want full custody of the kids. Would video taping her with a secret pocket camera when she's shouting abuse be enough for the courts to give me custody?
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Get a log book and start logging all that happens, go to a solicator and get their advice. Don't let her know what you are doing, chance is she was a fruit loop before you met her and the mask has totally slipped. Good luck, been there and done that. :(
 
There may be other reasons behind it other than medical. Don't go jumping the gun. Talking to her (I know that must be very difficult), so approach her and say you need to have a serious chat, and organise a time. Don't get into it there. More about where you see your family going and any problems you are having.

Try everything 'soft' first like counselling before doing the CAB stuff (IMHO), unless the CAB can offer resources for 'soft' stuff. YOu don't want to get legal unless you absolutely have to.

Lastly, you might have to prepare yourself for things that YOU have to change. Things like this aren't always one sided. Shouting at the kid though.. that's a shame :-( BTW.. just re-read.. 3 month old? So she's tired and mega stressed? Suffice to say we had blazing arguments when we had our first child. It was very stressful. If she has post-natal depression (It might not be!!!!!) it can manifest in many ways.. I would steer clear of saying she has that though.

Doing a 'runner' with the kids will not go down well with anything legal.
 
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