What would you do?

Shayper · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:01

Ok, this is a bit of a rant post.

Quite frankly, I'm fed up with one of my best friends. She split up with a guy recently, and I've helped her through not only that but pretty much every shut thing that's happened to her recently. I'm probably. The only one who has been there for her, been the one she can cry down the phone too, and looked after her when she has been recently upset.

Recently, she has been treating me like absolute ****. Every time we are on a night out she constantly takes the ****, purposefully gets with people in front of me (she knows I like her, and holds it over me). Every time she gets with some ******, then cries to me the next day. And every time that I tell her to stop getting with such ****holes she then has a go at me. Nothing I can say seems to work. And then when she tries to come crying when I'm fed up, and I don't answer my phone because I'm busy with something she has a go at me.

So, GD, what would you do in this situation? I'm thinking about calling her up tomorrow and explaining just how ****ed off I am with her, and telling her that if she is not going to appreciate just how good a friend I am to her, then she can go **** off.

Sorry about the level of vitriol in this post, but I needed to rant somewhere before I rant to her, and need some advice on just what to say.

Thanks guys.

jbloggs · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:06

what would you do in this situation?

I would firstly tell her to grow up and then to sod off!

James_N · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:06

Sounds like your a bit of a doormat to me, I'd tell her to do one!

Zefan · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:08

Shayper said:
So, GD, what would you do in this situation? I'm thinking about calling her up tomorrow and explaining just how ****ed off I am with her, and telling her that if she is not going to appreciate just how good a friend I am to her, then she can go **** off.

Well she probably doesn't appreciate it entirely, but then again you say yourself that you get annoyed by her getting with other men. That's not a good friend, not really, that's you wanting to get in her pants. Those things really are mutually exclusive if the feelings aren't reciprocated.

What you do is man the **** up, slap yourself around the face and have some self respect. It's extremely unlikely she's actually interested in you, instead just likes the cheap attention she can get from stringing you along. If she does actually like you, then she's too messed up to be worth it anyway.

Shayper · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:13

jbloggs said:
I would firstly tell her to grow up and then to sod off!

That is part of my plan.

James_N said:
Sounds like your a bit of a doormat to me, I'd tell her to do one!

Thanks for doormat, I'll use that tomorrow

Zefan said:
Well she probably doesn't appreciate it entirely, but then again you say yourself that you get annoyed by her getting with other men. That's not a good friend, not really, that's you wanting to get in her pants. Those things really are mutually exclusive if the feelings aren't reciprocated.

What you do is man the **** up, slap yourself around the face and have some self respect. It's extremely unlikely she's actually interested in you, instead just likes the cheap attention she can get from stringing you along. If she does actually like you, then she's too messed up to be worth it anyway.

Stick. End. Wrong.

I'm accounted for, but she still finds the need to try and make me feel as awkward as possible. She can be a really good mate, and that's all I want, but recently she has just been treating me like ****. I have no desire to sleep with her, go out with her or anything anymore. I nearly slept with her a couple of years ago, and she has started holding that over me as well, even though she knows I'm sort of in a relationship.

I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear, but as I said you have got the wrong end of the stick dude

Zefan · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:15

Right well in that case... if you don't want to get in this girls pants then I don't see the issue... just stop being her friend because she's a complete cow

Simple

Shayper · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:18

Zefan said:
Right well in that case... if you don't want to get in this girls pants then I don't see the issue... just stop being her friend because she's a complete cow

Simple

I guess, but I want to try giving her a proper kick up the proverbial na lot of our mutual friends are getting ****ed off as well, and I don't want to make things awkward on a night out if me and her properly stop talking. So I'll try this, and if it doesn't work then **** it. At least I tried

.

Mucky_Pup · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:21

Women = SWT's.

She sounds like your typical attention whore, I'd speak to her in person if you could. Tell her to stop being a **** or your friendship is over.

icecold · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:22

She doesn't sound like a friend, it sounds like you do things for her and she takes advantage of you.

Even if you were interested in her, now would be the time to tell her to do one.

Corky20 · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:23

Distance yourself from her, find yourself some new mates and focus on the other relationship your sort of in. Girls like that aren't worth your time and you'll be better off with her out of your life. A night out here and there and you'll have forgot about her in a couple of weeks!

[FnG]magnolia · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:25

Tell her your friendship isn't working out so you don't want to hang out with her anymore.

Shayper · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:25

Mucky_Pup said:
Women = SWT's.

She sounds like your typical attention whore, I'd speak to her in person if you could. Tell her to stop being a **** or your friendship is over.

SWT? And yeah, that's probably what I'm going to end up saying.

icecold said:
She doesn't sound like a friend, it sounds like you do things for her and she takes advantage of you.

Even if you were interested in her, now would be the time to tell her to do one.

She has done a fair amount for me though, it's just that it's a) nowhere near the level that I've done, and b) nowhere near enough to outweigh the way she has been treating me recently.

Shayper · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:28

Corky20 said:
Distance yourself from her, find yourself some new mates and focus on the other relationship your sort of in. Girls like that aren't worth your time and you'll be better off with her out of your life. A night out here and there and you'll have forgot about her in a couple of weeks!

The problem is, I have a lot of really good friends who are mutual friends with her. And she would still be going on the nights out that I would be. It's only a problem really when I'm home in Norwich, when I'm in London I have a completely different group of friends.

[FnG]magnolia;20837098 said:
Tell her your friendship isn't working out so you don't want to hang out with her anymore.

Short and to the point. However, as it's you I can't tell if that was being condescending

Mucky_Pup · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:30

Shayper said:
SWT?

Snakes with **** (T word for boobies

).

[FnG]magnolia · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:31

I'm not being condescending

Shayper · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:31

Moses said:
Lol @ emotionaltamponfriendzoneness of story.

Again, I'm not interested in any relationship beyond friendship with her. If you have nothing useful or even relevant to add, don't bother

.

If you had read that properly you would have noticed that I said that I'm already sort of in a relationship

.

The only reason I asked is that sometimes I don't really know the way to approach these things, and then get walked over. And magnolia you are going to be overjoyed but I am going to play the Asbergers card. I have been officially statemented with it, and although it doesn't affect me anywhere near as much as it used to, I still have some issues socially, which makes it hard for me to deal with these sort of issues.

Shayper · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:33

[FnG]magnolia;20837110 said:
I'm not being condescending

I guessed as much, was just a light bit of banter

Mucky_Pup said:
Snakes with **** (T word for boobies ).

Yeah, I partially agree with you. There are a fair amount like that but there are also a fair amount which are awesome people, like this girl I'm sort of seeing

.

Zefan · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:36

Worst "alternative to changing your facebook status to 'it's complicated' thread" ever.

Corky20 · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:38

Shayper said:
The problem is, I have a lot of really good friends who are mutual friends with her. And she would still be going on the nights out that I would be. It's only a problem really when I'm home in Norwich, when I'm in London I have a completely different group of friends.

Ah yea that's a bit more difficult. I'd try and back off a bit if possible, no phoning, texting and when with mutual friends enjoy yourself and let her do what she wants without worrying about her. If she comes crying to you either just be blunt with her or have an excuse handy, you've got your own relationship and life to worry about. She'll soon get the hint hopefully. Easier said than done though, definitely a tricky situation!

.Lethal · 20 Dec 2011 at 03:46

You both need to grow up, not just her.

Having a word with her isn't going to change a thing, if thats how she treats you then don't expect a simple talking to is going to change that.

I would tell her to stop getting in touch with you, since she isn't treating you as a friend, why would you want to treat her as one?

But I don't expect you to do this since you're clearly a doormat to be walked all over, otherwise you wouldn't have let things get so far.