Not the greatest start to 2012... gambling

NotAGolf

NotAGolf

NotAGolf

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So my girlfriend got our 2012 off to a flyer this morning by admitting over the last few months she's lost a tad under 2k playing blackjack online :(. This has resulted in us missing the mortgage payment on the house this month as the mortgage comes from her account as we hadn't switched it to our joint account yet.

Luckily I think the mortgage will be fine as we've got enough in the joint account to cover it, and looking at Nationwide's T+C it shouldn't be a problem as payment will only be 2 days late and it doesn't start going against you or on your credit report until after 15 days when they start requesting money.

I'm devastated though. I've been with her 6 years and knew nothing about it. She's said this is the only time she's done it since we've been together and has said that now she's been burnt she wont do it again. I believe her, but now there's always going to be that thing at the back of my mind questioning whether that' the truth. Especially as a month or so ago she lied to me when I asked her how much she had in her account a month or so go when I was running through our finances.

While we can't afford to just throw 2k away like that, we've got enough money to get by, so all that means is that she wont have any money to buy luxuries for a while and that we might have to wait a bit longer before doing any jobs on the house.

The thing I'm most worried about is it happening again, maybe when we're not in such a good financial position. If we didn't have the money sitting aside, we'd be in a world of trouble right now.

I've spoke to her about why she started gambling and she couldn't really answer it which is the worrying thing. In the end she said it was probably due to the fact she had the money sitting in the account so decided to have a go. Then she got stuck in the classic mindset of 'just one more go and I can win back the losses'. That continued until she run out of money.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you resolve it? Obviously I could just demand to be in control of all her money, which although I think she'd let me, isn't a very nice thing to do for either of us. I've asked if she wants me to block the betting websites but she said there's no need. I don't know what to do know as I don't understand the mindset she is/was in. Gambling to me is ridiculous and I can't understand why anyone would do it. Saying that to her wouldn't really help anything!

Sorry for posting such a depressing subject while so many of you probably have hangovers but I'd appreciate any advice :)
 
Yikes. That needs knocking on the head! Maybe you should take control of the finances for a bit - check the statements, etcetera.
 
If she can blow 2k and only tell you a few months later then what else is she capable of or what else has she done? People with gambling problems are liars and will do anything to hide their habit.
 
Should have bet on the football. although yesterday's results probably screwed up a few peoples coupons.....mine included :D
 
I had a friend addicted to gambling, it got to the point where he had run out of money and started to borrow from his family and friends telling us it was for uni books, expensis etc.... We eventualy found out and just plain stopped giving him any money, his family then only gave him what was need for travel and food. Gambling stopped cos he had no extra cash.

It does seem like your mrs was just trying out since the money was jus there but like with all things bad they are very easy to get addicted to. Why not let her know that you are going to block the gambling sites she visits and just keep an eye on the finances, it is probably a very difficult thing to do as she may think you do not trust her but keep her in the loop and let her know why.

Just my advice...
 
Remortgage the house, get yourself 20K together

Short the DOW on Thursday to hell and back - don't over leverage as you'll lose your 20K.

Pay off the mortgage in cash... kick the gf out. done

" I am being serious "
 
if she really needs a fix of gambling then introduce her to matched betting. this is the only form of gambling where its impossible to lose (unless your an idiot)
 
Don't take control of her finances, but ask if you can look at her statements on a weekly basis or something, just to keep an eye out for a while....

kd
 
Lock her in the basement and feed her bread and water....bring her out to cook, clean and do the unmentionables..then back in the basement.


That should limit her gambling.....;)
 
It's not a very trusting thing to do but I'd be tempted to go ahead and block the websites... I don't think spending even a couple of quid on them now would be acceptable, so there is no reason not to. Would also be interesting to see if she mentions it, she would only know you've done it by trying to visit the sites.
 
My parents have recently gone through something similar. Not a lot i feel i can say but it was quite a lot more than 2k and has really put the strain on their relationship :( Not entirely sure how my dad managed not to just up and leave tbh.
 
Sorry to hear this, it's a good thing that she admitted to you at 2k before it got out of hand. I've seen two people ruin their lives through gambling, such a sad thing to see
 
Once a gambler always a gambler I think, everyone I know who does it has never completely stopped. I gamble myself and am up a few grand but that's because I do arb betting where unless you make a mistake or aren't concentrating you can't lose. Small profits each time but it all mounts up.
 
Working for a place who's income is based on gambling addiction, I tend to find that those who have a problem don't tend to see it. And considering we have some customers who have been coming in for the past 10 years daily regardless of how much they loose I don't think they ever really learn.

If she wants help then see if you can block her favorite online haunts if she feels there's no need then there should be no problem. If your worried about your bills it might be wise to consider moving everything to an account she can't access until she's on top of things. But hopefully she's learned that only the house wins.

Unfortunately once someone has blown that kind of money, just because it's there, it's quite hard to trust them again until they can demonstrate self restraint. I hope that you two sort things out and have a good new year.
 
mpledge52 said:
She's said this is the only time she's done it since we've been together and has said that now she's been burnt she wont do it again. I believe her, but now there's always going to be that thing at the back of my mind questioning whether that' the truth. Especially as a month or so ago she lied to me when I asked her how much she had in her account a month or so go when I was running through our finances.
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If you're reliant on each other for the mortgage payments and she's lied re: money then IMO she needs to get rid of her account - just maintain a joint account you can both see (or at least force her to pay the amount required for mortgage payments and bills into the joint account) then 2k can't just disappear again without you noticing (I'm assuming the 2k was lost over a period of time rather than some massive all night degen session).
 
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