University - Home Sickness and other problems..

[Number_25]

Hey guys,

So I was surprised to see that I had someone managed to get enough right on a test to earn myself a scholarship for Aberystwyth University to study a BSc in Computer Science in September.

However something which is really putting me off is whether it's too far away.

From my house to the University it's 100-120 miles, and because of the poor roads leading up to West Wales it's a good 4 hour drive.

Now as some of you may know I'm a "sufferer" of Asperger's Syndrome which means that I don't do change well... to say the least. So if for some reason what-so-ever I was to 'freak out' it would be quite hard for me to get back home into the comfort of my bedroom.

I'm also feeling quite guilty as well as I don't particularly want to leave my parents too far behind because of the help and support they've given me in the past 18 and a bit years of my life.

I also think that I may suffer horribly from home sickness because of the way that I am.

So I'm sorta in a dilemma at the moment. I've applied for Universities a bit closer to home also (Glamorgan, Cardiff and Swansea) but Aberystwyth is pretty much the hot-bed of Computing in Wales and plus it's the highest-ranked in out of them all.

I have to make my decision pretty soonish and I was wondering whether anyone here in this fantastic community may be able to help.

TL;DR version

• Been offered a scholarship to study at Aberystwyth University.
• Very far away.
• Feels guilty as I don't want to leave my parents.
• Sufferer of Asperger's so if anything was to freak me out, how would I manage?
• Might suffer from homesickness.
• Aberystwyth is the best university that I applied for.
• What do?

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

How often do you 'freak out' and what form does it take? You'll still have a bedroom, it just won't be the one in your house.

Your parents will (should) understand that it's perfectly normal and healthy for kids to grasp opportunities as they arise so I wouldn't worry about that part. Have you spoken to them?

 

[Derek W]

TL;DR version

• Been offered a scholarship to study at Aberystwyth University.
• Very far away. - its not really
• Feels guilty as I don't want to leave my parents. - its part of growing up, you will have to leave them at some point. there is such a thing called the telephone as well.
• Sufferer of Asperger's so if anything was to freak me out, how would I manage? - student counsellors? friends, learn to cope with things?
• Might suffer from homesickness. - you're allowed to go home if you really want to, term time isn't that long
• Aberystwyth is the best university that I applied for. - go for the best then
• What do? - weigh up your options. you're worrying about what ifs

 

[Number_25]

How often do you 'freak out' and what form does it take? You'll still have a bedroom, it just won't be the one in your house.

Your parents will (should) understand that it's perfectly normal and healthy for kids to grasp opportunities as they arise so I wouldn't worry about that part. Have you spoken to them?

I have a tendency to get wound up a lot and I tend to cool off just sitting down and reading something on the internet.

My mother seems to be OK with it, but my father isn't too fond of the idea.

 

[elmuzzy66.]

Had a friend that came over for uni a few years ago. 2 days and he was back home. Some people aren't used to and can't get used to living outside their enviroment.

 

[BarBrawllin]

i think it could do you good to get out of your comfort zone and it could strengthen your personality and make you more independent. i dont know much(replace that with anything) about aspergers syndrome but maybe moving away could help you deal with changes in the future that might otherwise get in the way of your life if you decided not to go?then again if you cant handle that and it ends up messing up it will create its own problems. i feel for ya brah and hope things will be ok wat ever u do.

 

[metbandit1]

Think of this as a great opportunity to be able to go out on your own and learn to cope.

Of course you will worry, of course your parents will worry. But it'll be great for you to go and experience life without your parents 24/7.

 

[Rich_L]

Look on the bright side, at least you're doing a subject where you're expected to be an anti-social recluse so you won't be raising any eyebrows when you do sneak off to 'cool down'

SRS answer - I would go to the best college but just make sure that you make an extra effort for your room or whatever to have some home mementos and be a 'nice place' rather than a foreign place. Plus with mobile phones, Skype etc I'm sure you could stay connected to your 'rents if you wanted to touch base with them and get some assurance.

You could also make plans with your parents to say come home once in the middle of the term, and have your parents come up to visit as well once per term which would then make the 'gaps' away only 2-3 weeks at most.

You sound like you're thinking it all through - make some plans to alleviate your anxiety and look forward to enjoying yourself

 

[pooey]

I will be doing compsci in aberystwyth this year too.

I've also lived here for some time.

If you have any questions hit up my trust.

Its an awesome place to be a student.

 

[Evoss]

Man up, goto Aberystwyth University.

You will have to move away from home at some point, University is a a prime opportunity.

 

[Azza]

TL;DR version

• Been offered a scholarship to study at Aberystwyth University. Congrats.
• Very far away. It really isn't, 4 hours on a couple of trains if you fancy going home for the weekend, really isn't a lot of time.
• Feels guilty as I don't want to leave my parents. What's going to happen when you graduate and get a job? If you stayed at home you'd still be at uni for x hours a day, travelling to and from etc
• Sufferer of Asperger's so if anything was to freak me out, how would I manage? http://www.aber.ac.uk/en/student-support, friends which you will make tons of, and comp sci people at Aber seem like a tight nit bunch so you won't struggle to not make friends
• Might suffer from homesickness. Aber will become your new home.
• Aberystwyth is the best university that I applied for. One of the only thing that matters surely?
• What do? Go to Aber.

Go to Aber to be honest. How do you deal with the social side of things?

 

[scorza]

I'd see a medical professional such as your GP about the Aspergers, but the rest of your post is not a good reason for not going. Yes you're going to feel crap leaving home for the first couple of weeks - everyone does but they get over it. If you don't leave to go to University you'll regret it, plus ask yourself how you'll ever leave home if you chicken out of this opportunity. Leaving home doesn't mean you've betrayed your parents in any way

 

[Number_25]

Thanks guys for a fantastic and speedy response.

Had a friend that came over for uni a few years ago. 2 days and he was back home. Some people aren't used to and can't get used to living outside their enviroment.

This is what I'm scared of really, I've worked fairly hard in the last 3 years to get myself in a shape when I can actually go to a University. I don't want it all to be a waste.

i think it could do you good to get out of your comfort zone and it could strengthen your personality and make you more independent. i dont know much(replace that with anything) about aspergers syndrome but maybe moving away could help you deal with changes in the future that might otherwise get in the way of your life if you decided not to go?then again if you cant handle that and it ends up messing up it will create its own problems. i feel for ya brah and hope things will be ok wat ever u do.

In an ideal world I would love to go, but I feel that there are a few niggling things which are holding me back. In the last few years, I have experienced coming out of my 'shell', and I feel that I have progressed quite a lot and I wouldn't want it to stop.

Think of this as a great opportunity to be able to go out on your own and learn to cope.

Of course you will worry, of course your parents will worry. But it'll be great for you to go and experience life without your parents 24/7.

I just don't want my parents to feel like I'm disowning them in any way.

Look on the bright side, at least you're doing a subject where you're expected to be anti-social so you won't be raising any eyebrows when you do sneak off to 'cool down'

Thanks for the laugh, I'm doing a BTEC at the moment and there a few 'peculiar' people in that course with me.

I will be doing compsci in aberystwyth this year too.

I've also lived here for some time.

If you have any questions hit up my trust.

Its an awesome place to be a student.

Will do mate. Cheers

Man up, goto Aberystwyth University.

You will have to move away from home at some point, University is a a prime opportunity.

In an ideal world I would straight away mate, I just want to make sure that I give myself as much of an opportunity as possible to succeed!

 

[cm1179]

my brother went to uni there. i visited him there once. was freezing cold and an awful drive. went to a place called pier pressure on the night and saw a fight.

just give it a bash, if you don't like it, come back?

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

I'll ask before someone else does - are you medically diagnosed or self-diagnosed? What guidance have you been given assuming that a competent clinician has seen you?

 

[Number_25]

Go to Aber to be honest. How do you deal with the social side of things?

I'm a pretty outgoing person when I get used to a place, sometimes a bit too outgoing and I get wound up a bit.

I don't particularly like the company of other people, I find it easier to talk over the internet. Hense the reason I'm asking you guys instead of my friends!

 

[Number_25]

I'll ask before someone else does - are you medically diagnosed or self-diagnosed? What guidance have you been given assuming that a competent clinician has seen you?

I am medically diagnosed, by one of the best in the field from what I was told (Dr. Latiff?).

I'm a genuine aspie, not a fraud.

 

[King Damager]

Your parents want the best for you and this is, so don't feel guilty.
University will become your new home, set up a comfortable area in your room that you're happy and comfortable in.
You might get slight homesickness, but pretty much every student does. Saying that in two years I've been home once during term time and that was because I was going home to ask the gfs parents permission to propose...

kd

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

And what advice has this consultant given you in dealing with your condition?

 

[Number_25]

And what advice has this consultant given you in dealing with your condition?

Well they did contact my school asking about giving me support, but my school were useless and I floundered in the middle-classes from year 8 onwards.