The Good Friday joke thread!

I lol'd :D

Told it to the Mrs, who's nan is in a nursing home with alzheimers.....didn't go down too well :(
 
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my girlfriend loves it when i eat food off her. jam, cheese, pickle, marmalade, honey, loads of different stuff.

she's a cracker.
 
Nurse: How old are you?
Patient: None of your business.
Nurse: But the doctor must know your age for his records.
Patient: Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?
Nurse: Yes. Fifty.
Patient: All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?
Nurse: Zero.
Patient: Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age.


The Easter part of the joke, is that it happened on good friday :)
 
I heard a joke recently about getting terrorists to drive the fuel trucks during the strike...

I forget how it ended...

*BOOM*
 
A young couple was making passionate love in the guy's van when suddenly the girl yelled, "Whip me. Whip me!"

The guy, eager to please, obviously didn't have a whip, but, in a flash of inspiration, opened his window, snapped the radio antenna off his van, and

they shared it until they both collapsed in sadomasochistic ecstasy.
A week later, the girl noticed that the marks left by their lovemaking session were starting to fester, so she asked her doctor to check them out.

The doctor took one look and asked, "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Embarrassed, she admitted that she did.

The doctor nodded. "I thought so. In all my years of doctoring this is the worst case of Van Aerial Disease I've ever seen!"
 
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