Loading up Civ V, DDO, of any other ram heavy game my system goes over 4 Gb physical ram used, and over 7.5 Gb total ram used with caching within a few minutes, so I strongly believe that 8 Gb is the minimum for gaming.
However I saw no improvement in performance going from 12 Gb to 24 Gb, my performance actually decreased because the 4 Gb dimms were slower. However after a full day of use my PC would have managed to fill all 24 Gb with caching.
I've never had an issue with 12 Gb and page file disabled though, so I went back to the faster ram.
So for gaming, 8 Gb is the current minimum,
Regarding 'strain on the memory controller', I've tested on X58 with 2 CPUs, 2 Mobos, and 3 lots of 6 ram modules.
Using just 3 ram modules did nothing to increase my overclock stability or limits over using 6 modules. Both the ram and CPU still overclocked to the same maximum.