Worried about the welfare of another

jake108

jake108

jake108

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I have a friend who I used to work with who seems to be self-harming, now I remember they used to have problems emotionally and I believe once sent for mental evaluation. The NHS seems as useless as ever, and it only ever seems to get worse. She talks very openly that she self-harms even in front of doctors who seem to do zero.

Here are some censored chat logs (removed names etc):

Her: i have no idea
Her: if i thought it was easy, i wouldn't have attempted suicide as many times as I have.
Me: Are you still suffering memory loss?
Her: yep
Me: Ouch
Me: What have the doctors said / done?
Her: nothing
Her: [:(]
Her: every week i see them and I go there with more and deeper cuts, and they don't really seem to care
Me: Guess you asked them for help, have they given you a note or something to help you with the job centre?
Her: no
Me: Your cutting youself?
Her: yep
Me: Do you remember doing it / carrying it out?
Her: ohyeah, those are intentional. It relieves the emotional pain i'm going through
Me: Emotional?
Her: anxiety, panic attacks, depression
-Snip-
Me: You need help from professionals, without trying to sound demeaning.
Her: i know, i've been asking for it for a year

Now I have seen some of the cuts a while ago (ages) which were pretty deep. Google-fu cant seem to find what I look for (just numbers of people affected to call). My immediate reaction was to dial 999 but they cant seem to help :eek: who suggested I speak to the local hospital of which she is a patient. They said unless they are actively trying to kill themselves would be the only reason to call 999 (:confused:). The hospital is far away from me, I no longer have her exact address, after I asked her not to she immediately jumped offline.

What does anyone here suggest? I'ld rather not see another human being deliberately kill themselves :( All the usual channels, doctors, numbers have failed previously.

Not wanting to embarrass her or spread her information I will not name names, I'm just very concerned that she is not getting the help she needs. She has fallen on hard times, no job, no money but to actually have her trying to kill herself a few times. Shes woken up in hospital after a couple of times too after failed attempts. I thought they would have done something then, but of course nothing happens.

I wouldn't normally post something like this, but I feel I have ran out of options. Everytime I try to confront it she seems to either jump offline or ignore. I've tried to build her up and try to help the best I can but it does not seem to be working.

What would you all do in this situation? I am worried the next time she tries it she may be successful, her christian family abandoned her after finding out she was gay.
 
She sounds like she needs something to focus on maybe - have you tried suggesting she does some charity/voluntary work (you could even offer to go with her if you have the free time) - for some people it really helps give them a sense of purpose, gain self-esteem from knowing they have helped another does allot for some.

I've also noticed that some people are far better at helping other people than they am themselves - so it could do her some good to take the focus of her for a while.

Keep providing support, perhaps suggest a social thing - go out, have fun with friends - it's amazing how much difference a pleasant social experience can have with some people.

It's a difficult one, as depression isn't the same for everybody - but it seems like she's grown up without building the normal defence mechanisms most people do, leaving her vulnerable (compared to the rest of us).

Hope it works out well.
 
jake108 said:
What would you all do in this situation? I am worried the next time she tries it she may be successful, her christian family abandoned her after finding out she was gay.
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get her to see a counciler?

My other half managed to get a family fried sectioned, he hung himself so it never really helped.... xmas day as well... 3am....
 
Me: Do you remember doing it / carrying it out?
Her: ohyeah, those are intentional. It relieves the emotional pain i'm going through
Click to expand...

:confused:

Is it just my becoming more aware of it as I grew up (ie from 16 onwards) or is self-harming a 'new' thing for our generation?
 
I know it sounds as though they're not being particularly helpful but she can try asking her GP to refer her to the mental health specialist unit of her local hospital.
A friend of mine has been going through similar times recently due to severe bi-polar, he's been fortunate in that his GP is excellent and always pushes the issue if the hospital starts dragging their heels on any treatment plans.

If the GP refuses to do the referral make a complaint direct to the health Trust for the area and if no-one appears to want to help at all then try contacting your local MP as well (believe me a few of them do still care about their constituents!).

You and your friend have my sympathy; mental health problems are a proper ***** for those suffering and those close to them, but I hope your friend gets some help.

Edit - The self harm thing is not uncommon in cases of depression particularly bi-polar - when a sufferer hits the rock-bottom of a low period and is feeling emotionally numb, they have a need to feel anything and the pain of harming themselves does just that. In most cases when they come up again from that low point they understandably feel great regret and disappointment in themselves for doing it. This is exactly the situation my friend was in, but with the correct help particularly from behavioural therapy he has stopped self-harming even when he hits a (increasingly rare) low depressive state.
 
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I'd also like to reiterate the comments above about trying to get her some real help, my suggestions were things you can help with directly - (as you had already mentioned professional help).
 
jake108 said:
My immediate reaction was to dial 999 but they cant seem to help :eek: who suggested I speak to the local hospital of which she is a patient. They said unless they are actively trying to kill themselves would be the only reason to call 999 (:confused:).
Click to expand...

Why does this confuse you?

999 is to be called in an emergency, when the immediate attention and attendance of either the police, fire brigade or the ambulance service is required.

At no point does a teenager cutting her forearms 'to relieve the emotional pain' come close to being considered an emergency in need of an ambulance or the police immediately.
 
jake108 said:
My immediate reaction was to dial 999
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PiKe said:
You should not have phoned 999, even 101 would have been a stretch.
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To be fair, it's not like it's just some teenager cutting themselves over getting dumped.

According to the OP they have been hospitalised multiple times from suicide attempts.

Keep it on topic please.
 
They weren't in the process of cutting themselves though, all he was doing was phoning 999 for advise.
 
As others have said, 999 wouldn't have been appropriate. You can try the 111 service who may be able to help, but that's supposed to be for non-life-threatening emergencies, so it may not get you anywhere.

The best place to start is her GP. They are the foundation for kick-starting any chain reaction and will result in the best medical advice she could get.

Unfortunately, the duty is on her to do this herself, there really is little you can do other than offer some support along the way; but this is something that requires professional attention sooner rather than later.

And at anyone that says you "don't try to commit suicide, you either do or don't otherwise you're attention seeking", please, remove your heads from your arses. The human emotional system is a complex beast at the best of times, don't be so narrow-minded.
 
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