Ever so slightly angry right now!

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Soldato
Joined
18 Oct 2002
Posts
4,145
Location
Southampton
Firstly sorry for the rant..I need somewhere to vent and this is as good a place as any!

I've been with my gf for almost 3 years; we had a rough start but we managed to work through things and it's been really good for the last year or so now.

She's been pestering for a long time to move in together and to start with I wasn't financially ready, so I worked hard to sort my money situation out by moving back to my parents for a while. At around the same time she moved out of her parents into her own flat as her parents were downsizing.

Wind forward to a few months ago and things were still going well and I'd sorted my money situation out, so we agreed to start looking for somewhere to rent together. It took a lot of looking but we managed to bag a lovely 3 bed place, everything we'd been looking for and we both seemed really happy. It wouldn't be available for a few months, but that was fine as it gave us plenty of time to find the right furniture and plan what we wanted to do with the place.

It's now 3 weeks until we move in. We've spent £2000 on furniture (well I have as despite me getting my finances in order, it appears she hasn't practiced what she preached!) and everything is being prepared for the move. She just had to terminate the tenancy agreement at her flat, which we finally did last week.

I go round her flat on Wednesday, expecting a normal night over there but she's in a foul mood. We exchange a few heated words, during which she tells me that things aren't right, and she's not sure if moving in together is what she wants!! She's not sure if it's the relationship or that she's worried about leaving her flat, but something isn't right. She also tells me she's already phoned her letting agency and asked about retracting her tenancy cancellation on her flat!

I've agreed to give her some time to herself to think and so far I've not heard a peep from her, and the longer she leaves it, the more I'm realising that I need to step in and call things off. If the decision takes this long to make then it's pretty clear where I stand.

As you can imagine I'm both angry and upset at the moment; I've been looking forward to moving into this house with her for months now, starting the next chapter of our life together, and she tells me it may not happen! I feel like I've been majorly let down, and now not sure I'd want to move in with her even if she does decide it's what she wants! If she can change her mind like this about moving in together then what chance do I have when it comes to marriage and kids?!!!

There..it's off my chest. Thanks for reading!
 
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If things have been otherwise ok im betting its one of those "mental female loyalty tests" they seem to think are ok to do.

She wants you to cry, fight for and beg her to stay so she knows she has you under her thumb for later. Women do this all the time, and they profess to never play mind games.

Be alpha and do NOT be pussy whipped... you will regret it later.

React along the line of... "well i thought you were the one but clearly you are having trust issues, so to be honest im not sure you are right for me. I will sort the money out and find a place of my own then if thats what YOU have decided." see her reaction, if she backs down pronto its a test and if she doesnt then get rid and start again.
 
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Feel sorry for you. Similar things have happened to me, twice in the past with two different women.

They go hell for leather down one route, fully commited and then seemingly overnight they U-turn quicker than a Tory MP. You are just left to pick up the pieces.

In both cases I took this as a sign to get the hell outta Dodge... and it saved my mental well-being. Not all women are like this, so perhaps this warning will save you more heartache down the road.

Chin up fella.
 
Don't be emotional, be entirely reasonable. Calmly talk to her to find out why she's gotten cold feet.

If she shouts, makes a scene in any way, just keep being rational and reasonable. Women hate this, it completely invalidates any reason they were being angry or annoyed.

If she's looking a way out of the relationship, be very alpha about it and tell her she really should have just said instead of making up a massive situation about it. Make her feel like an absolute child for behaving like this, but never stop being calm and rational.

One day all women will stop being stereo typical women and our mission will be complete.
 
Time to be a caveman and go over to tell her to come with you or stuff it. You need to speak to her now and not leave it until next week.
 
She sounds rubbish anyway, but if you want to rescue the situation:

Tell her to stop being daft and move things forward yourself. She's just having cold feet by the sound of it.

Never put the burden of any actual decisions on yo' woman, man.


(semi serious)
 
I have to say that I personally would take the chance to bail out on her. There should be no doubt when it comes to moving in/getting serious etc so as there is then she isn't "The One" so bin her off sharpish.
 
Psycho attention whores or women as they are commonly known will do this. You need to find the right one thats least afflicted with this mental illness. Any woman you speak to will of course deny all this and then accuse you of being a chauvinistic pig/whatever, but life experience teaches you an awful lot.

Im going to guess that when you mentioned having a rough start, one or both cheated on each other. She is now doing that behind your back. She has realised she has made a mistake and is now trying to dump it all on to you to sort out as women do.

Walk away!
 
The relationship is over and it's taken the realisation that she's really moving in with you - as opposed to just an idea - to hammer this home to her.

Find a woman who wants to be with you, not one who gets cold feet when the relationship is ready to be taken further.
 
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