Infertility: My Experiences So Far

I am 26 and have always in the back of my mind wondered, when I am married and financially ready to have a child with my missus, what happens if we don't conceive? I know it's a weird thought to have but it's been playing on my mind since I turned 25...

To read your account and feelings; you have my sincere condolences.

Have you and your missus thought of adopting? Yes, the baby may not be of your creation, nor will you ever feel like it's a piece of you, but to be able to share love and nurture a life with your missus, wouldn't that be better than the possibility of more disappointment that takes it's toll over another period of your life?
 
Mr Jones said:
Have you and your missus thought of adopting? Yes, the baby may not be of your creation, nor will you ever feel like it's a piece of you, but to be able to share love and nurture a life with your missus, wouldn't that be better than the possibility of more disappointment that takes it's toll over another period of your life?
Click to expand...

This is definitely the best answer. Why does it have to be yours. There are plenty of babies in the world that need adopting.
 
SuperBOB said:
BigDannyO stay healthy and keep rocking. If you don't mind sharing - how old are you two?
Click to expand...

I'm 30, she's 28.

RationalGaze said:
But silver lining - you save money on condoms? :(
Click to expand...

Very true :p

Mr Jones said:
I am 26 and have always in the back of my mind wondered, when I am married and financially ready to have a child with my missus, what happens if we don't conceive? I know it's a weird thought to have but it's been playing on my mind since I turned 25...
Click to expand...

It's funny, we spent all those years making every effort to make sure we didn't get pregnant, turns out we needn't have been so careful.

Mr Jones said:
Have you and your missus thought of adopting? Yes, the baby may not be of your creation, nor will you ever feel like it's a piece of you, but to be able to share love and nurture a life with your missus, wouldn't that be better than the possibility of more disappointment that takes it's toll over another period of your life?
Click to expand...

It's something we've both given serious thought to, both adoption and fostering. We'd love to do either.
 
Sorry to hear about the troubles, could it be that the stress and anxiety with trying is actually lower the chance of success?

Maybe the thing to do is stop trying and just enjoy each others company in a relaxed environment, you never know it may just work.
 
Mr Jones said:
Have you and your missus thought of adopting? Yes, the baby may not be of your creation, nor will you ever feel like it's a piece of you, but to be able to share love and nurture a life with your missus, wouldn't that be better than the possibility of more disappointment that takes it's toll over another period of your life?
Click to expand...

Dont think I could ever do that.. every glance at the child and I'd be reminded in the back of my head that it's not mine. It just wouldn't be the same, so I'd find it hard to be as warming/caring to the child.
 
A bit of perspective is in order.

You were both told there is nothing wrong with you. So that's great.

You have been trying for a number of months. There is no need to panic. Some couples take much longer to conceive naturally. It just happens.

You tried through IVF once and it didn't work. That's unfortunate but you can always try again. It may take two, three or more efforts until it happens. Do not give up if that's something you trully want. The money is an issue, but you are both still very young and you can work and save.

What I'm trying to say is, it's not the end of the world. It's not as if you were told you'll never have one. You need to be patient and persistent. I understand that you both feel terrible but that's because you have focused too much on it - which probably doesn't help the whole process as stress won't be doing much good either.

You're young, keep trying, don't panic and don't overstress about it and try to stop yourselves from getting fixated about it. Save money for further treatments and eventually things _will_ happen. Since there is nothing wrong with either of you there is no reason why it won't happen eventually. Getting depressed about it is certainly not going to solve it, only make conditions worse.

Finally, you may be feeling bad but your wife is probably feeling much worse. This is the time to support each other, when things are at their worse. Worse things can happen in your life and you always need to have the courage and strength to lift each other's spirits. Giving up now is giving up too early.

Best of luck.
 
MooMoo444 said:
Dont think I could ever do that.. every glance at the child and I'd be reminded in the back of my head that it's not mine. It just wouldn't be the same, so I'd find it hard to be as warming/caring to the child.
Click to expand...

How selfish.

BigDannyO said:
It's something we've both given serious thought to, both adoption and fostering. We'd love to do either.
Click to expand...

Good for you. Best of luck if that's the route you choose.
 
Haggisman said:
Ouch. Shame you didn't read it, it's exceptionally well written. Also, while I'm usually one for "controversial" jokes, I can't help but point out how very insensitive that comment was =/
Click to expand...

It's ok, I've grown a thick skin over the past three years.

Plus, I couldn't have a Vietnamese baby on account of being a massive racist.











Jk
 
Fair few more years then! Fingers crossed.

BigDannyO said:
I'm 30, she's 28.



Very true :p



It's funny, we spent all those years making every effort to make sure we didn't get pregnant, turns out we needn't have been so careful.



It's something we've both given serious thought to, both adoption and fostering. We'd love to do either.
Click to expand...
 
Lysander said:
How selfish.
Click to expand...

Views on being a parent are subjective, and whilst I think people who adopt and foster are amazing, I too don't think I would be able to do it myself.

You may think it selfish, but I can't change the way I feel, just like I cannot change what flavours of food I like.

Plus some people have awesome genes that they would like to pass on.

Condolences to the OP though, keep at it though, sure it will happen at some point.
 
BigDannyO said:
It's funny, we spent all those years making every effort to make sure we didn't get pregnant, turns out we needn't have been so careful.
Click to expand...
Murphy's Law is annoying.

Maybe we can twist the law to your advantage... no bus when you want it and when you least expect it, BAM! Triplets!

BigDannyO said:
It's something we've both given serious thought to, both adoption and fostering. We'd love to do either.
Click to expand...

I sincerely hope you guys do consider it. Like many poster have said, you're still young and it's not the end yet, but adopting will not just help with the down and negative feeling you guys are carrying over the last 3(?) years, it'll also give you guys practice, in case you guys do concieve naturally.

As long as you've bonded with the adopted child, when your natural child comes, you'll be prepared and ready to bring them both up.
 
Wow, to a degree reading this made me think I was looking in a mirror.

My wife and I have recently gone through the same thing albeit we didn't get as far. Without wanting to detract to much I am the one who is infertile, - which meant progressing any further would be pointless. Irregardless of my issue my wife's chances of conceiving are minimal due to specific complications.

Having gone through a year and a half of trying plus a further 6 months of fertility treatment (my wife was focused on due to her medical history), to be told I was never going to be a dad was heartbreaking (the consultants bluntness didn't exactly help - although the nurse was excellent).

My only advice would be to keep your head up and keep trying. Your case sounds slighty more hopeful so fingers crossed for you :).
 
oweneades said:
Wow, to a degree reading this made me think I was looking in a mirror.

My wife and I have recently gone through the same thing albeit we didn't get as far. Without wanting to detract to much I am the one who is infertile, - which meant progressing any further would be pointless. Irregardless of my issue my wife's chances of conceiving are minimal due to specific complications.

Having gone through a year and a half of trying plus a further 6 months of fertility treatment (my wife was focused on due to her medical history), to be told I was never going to be a dad was heartbreaking (the consultants bluntness didn't exactly help - although the nurse was excellent).

My only advice would be to keep your head up and keep trying. Your case sounds slighty more hopeful so fingers crossed for you :).
Click to expand...

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear of your outcome. I can't begin to imagine how I would feel to hear that news.

I'm more than aware that my position is a lot more hopeful than some others in my position, and am truly grateful for it. It is certainly not our intention to give up trying yet, we've both got a lot of fight in us yet!

If you don't mind me asking, do you plan to go into adoption/fostering?
 
That was an amazing read, thanks for sharing with us.
I've always wondered how it will be if and when I come to the point in life where it's feasible to be a parent.

Sorry to hear your pain, but you never know - one day it might just happen? All the best, and please let us know if you get any good news :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom