Infertility: My Experiences So Far

Couple of experiences from people close to me:-

Good friend and his wife had been trying for ages, she had 3 or 4 miscarriages, they gave up and went on holiday, mind taken off it all and hey presto, bam they now have a 2 year old daughter!

Sister had all her IVF treatments not to fall pregnant, gave up (couldn't afford to fund it themselves) and bingo you've got it, fell pregnant, she has 1 boy and 2 girls now.

Just to say it's not the end of the world at the moment as you both have a good few years on your sides and if you can stop putting 'we've gotta fall pregnant' pressure on yourselves then the outcome may be a favourable.

All that aside really feel for you as if it's something you really do want must be heart breaking, me personally I never wanted/want kids.
 
kitch9 said:
My advice is look into the level 1 blood tests if you can as the NHS doesn't offer them, and the standard tests fertility NHS does do not cover for potential issues after conception... You could be conceiving as normal but losing it very early which would go unnoticed or maybe show up as the mrs being a few days late every now and then, which is the case with my scenario.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice, we've got an appointment with the consultant in a couple of weeks to discuss next steps, so it's something I will bring up then. Hope you've cracked it and get a positive result next time.

Dolmio Chips said:
Now have to wait until next Wednesday when she has a blood test to see if she's pregnant. Apparently there is only a 40% chance of a pregnancy at this stage but it's better than no chance at all.

Really hoping it works as I don't want to have to see her going through 5 weeks of injections and the worry that goes with it.
Click to expand...

I couldn't stand watching my wife doing the injections either. Fingers crossed for you.
 
a very well written post. one of the few long posts i bothered to read start to finish.

i feel for you OP. good luck with it all in the future. I am sure perseverance will pay off.

just keep shagging!!

:)
 
Lysander said:
This is definitely the best answer. Why does it have to be yours. There are plenty of babies in the world that need adopting.
Click to expand...

This. I've raised a child. He's always called me dad (he knows he's not biologically mine). I love him, he loves me. Yes I, like the OP didn't get to hold my own newborn in my hands but aside from that it's essentially the same. Providing 13 chromosomes doesn't make you a dad.

I'd hate to be in the OPs situation. I've gone down a 'childless' route, biologically that is, because passing my broken genetics on wouldn't be fair on the child. But to go through that heartache described must be intolerable. You can see why it easily ruins even strong relationships.
 
Last edited:
As said, very well written and a good insight into IVF treatment. I didn't know much about IVF and how it affects people, thanks for sharing, very educational.
 
oweneades said:
Having gone through a year and a half of trying plus a further 6 months of fertility treatment (my wife was focused on due to her medical history), to be told I was never going to be a dad was heartbreaking (the consultants bluntness didn't exactly help - although the nurse was excellent).
.
Click to expand...

Never going to biologically be a father. This doesn't mean you cannot be a father.

See my post above. I know it is hard but the only difference is an adopted child (or one with a sperm donor) doesn't have 13 of your chromosomes. That's all. It's far more a case of nurture than it is nature.
 
I just wanted to pass on my good wishes!

You know what they say "keep on ploughing" :D

Serious note though, very brave to write the way you did and to share your experience with everyone on this forum, if I was in a similar situation, reading your story would help, along with many of the other posts!

I hope everything turns out well for you.
 
BigDannyO said:
I couldn't stand watching my wife doing the injections either. Fingers crossed for you.
Click to expand...

Yes the injections are nasty, especially the second lot, the needle was a lot bigger. :eek:

Luckily she didn't have too many side effects. Still got some massive bruises on her legs though!!

It's a very difficult thing to deal with but I'm just trying to be optimistic, more for her sake than mine!!

I hope things work out for you too.
 
What a fantastic post. I was crying with laughter whilst feeling torn inside for you.

As others have said, maybe you are both putting too much pressure on yourselves? Maybe you could forget about it for a bit, have a holiday somewhere warm, relax and shag like there's no tomorrow. You never know, and if you have to one day re-approach IVF, at least you had a fortnight of bliss before hand :)

Anyway wishing the best for you both.
 
Very well written post, I really felt like I was there with you (yes, even in "the room"). My gf and I are at the point of no return (she's 38, so clock is ticking), and I've often wondered if, after all the putting it off, we might have missed our chance already. We were supposed to start trying ourselves this month, but I have to admit it scares the hell out of me even though it's something we both want.

Thanks for sharing anyway, and I hope it works out for you and the other half.
 
Good luck to you both!

My friend and his wife are are hopefully there after their second bout of IVF. It has benn a long and tough journey for them as well.
 
Oh that's rough, I hope it works out eventually.

Also that was a really great read, thanks for sharing, it was a subject I previously knew nothing about.
 
Amazing read. FWIW my parents tried for a year before they got me (joke's on them ha! :D). After that it seems my mums factories opened for business, unfortunately the 3 after me did not make it, so i'm the only one. Since theres nothing physically wrong with you or her, i'd just put in the work and keep hoping.

Really hope the next time you can go for the procedure works.
I've had at least 3 friends who took over 2yrs of trying. You're both young, don't worry too much.
 
MooMoo444 said:
Dont think I could ever do that.. every glance at the child and I'd be reminded in the back of my head that it's not mine. It just wouldn't be the same, so I'd find it hard to be as warming/caring to the child.
Click to expand...

I have a 3 year old and another on the way, when I look at my son, I dont ever think about him being my 'creation', he is 'my son', a little person who brings joy and happiness.
In other words, its the caring and looking after them, the input and influence you put in, that creates their persona, that makes you their dad, not the sperm you provided. The responsibility of being a parent, and being responsible for their safety and upbringing, gives you more of a feeling of being a parent than being biologically responsible for them ever could.

Guy I worked with tried IVF 3 times before getting a child, I think you have to set yourself a limit if its not financially viable to keep on and on, but I would never give up after the first 2 freebies, 3rd time lucky as they say.
 
I've literally just put together the Cot we bought at the weekend.

My wife is six months pregnant and like yourself we were told it might not happen for us.

Keep at it.
 
The OP has brought a lot of not too pleasant memories back for me as I (and my wife obviously) have been there, done that and got the T-Shirts!! We never had any luck either and it got to the point where the emotional stress was just too much so we gave up in the end. This was way back in 2001. We were trying for 3yrs via IVF. The only thing we got through the NHS at the time was 1 course of drugs. I will be honest I think we spent £10,000 altogether on IVF!

I have experienced all the stuff the OP has pointed out - the guilt of watching your wife having to have injections was horrible for me. Now I hate injections and the sight of needles literally frightens me to death but I had to overcome it and do them for her. I couldn't let her go through that on her own. Then there was the guilt of her ending up being rushed into hospital a few days after one of the egg collection procedures as her ovary nearly burst. I didn't realise at the time how serious this could have been. Due to the infertility issues we had the doctors needed to get as many eggs as possible to give us a chance so the hormones she had to have were of a much higher dose. Due to that the ovaries obviously over expand. She ended up in hospital for 4 days because of that.

I am going to backtrack here a bit as I have just spotted something in the OP that has caught my eye. I wasn't going to reveal what our issues were in case some smart a**e takes the mickey a bit but bugger it as I want to try and help. I have just spotted that the OP has been given the "unexplained fertility" line. We had that. Now, unbeknown to me at the same time my brother and his wife were also going through the hospital visits to try and find out the problems. My brother is a lot more pushy than me and he kicked off a bit to see the top man at the NHS hospital. He then got referred to a local Nuffield hospital which, at that time, was a fertility clinic. It turns out that both of us have a condition called globozoospermia. Basically a sperm should be a tadpole shape but ours are what they call "round heads". They are missing the enzyme that the sperm needs to dissolve the outer shell of the egg so it can get inside so ours literally just bounce off. There are varying degrees of this but we both have 100% so there is no way natural pregnancy will ever happen. The reason I am telling you this is that the fertility expert told me that unless you know what you are looking for a sperm sample with this condition will not look any different to a normal sample. Both me and my brother got told by our NHS hospital that our samples were "fine" when they weren't. I am not saying that this may be your problem but just trying to point out not to take the "unexplained" line as the end of it. At the time back in 2001 were were the 4th case ever recorded of brothers who both had the condition!!

Dons, I appreciate that the paragraph above may be considered giving medical advice so if you need to remove it I understand.

Anyway, we had already decided beforehand that if the last treatment we had in 2004 failed that was it and we were giving up. When the last test was negative I felt like the bottom of my world had fallen out. We nearly split up but got over it luckily. It still gets to me though. Got a couple of friends on FB who have recently had babies and the baby picture overload has just done my head in. Feel daft saying this but I feel so jealous of them that I can't have and experience that. I am a little ashamed to admit this but I have actually unsubscribed from one of them (not unfriended them) so I don't see any status updates from them as it is just too much :(

At the end of the day though we are both healthy and we love each other. As Lysander said earlier "some things are just not meant to be" and we did say this to each other numerous times.

Sorry if I have kind of hijacked the thread but just thought I may as well share my experience as I do know what both of them are going through right now.

BigDannyO if you want to chat about this off forums my email address is in my trust and signature.

Best of luck to you mate if you decide to carry on with the treatment
 
Thats awful and my condolences to the OP. I know this will seem brash but I read an article in the guardian a while back which said that a lot of women trying ivf may have better luck going on an 18-30's holiday and making the most of it.

edit - I know this would not be an ideal situation
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom