![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Caporegime
- Joined
- 29 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 28,770
- Location
- Auckland
Be careful with crazy. Sometimes the amazing sex (and it will be amazing) is not worth the serious risk to life, limb and sanity that crazy almost always brings along.
Chance encounter leads to dilemma
- Thread starter Hitman_Leon
- Start date
Soldato
- Joined
- 4 Mar 2010
- Posts
- 5,038
She is giving you all this bs stuff about the EX because she doesn't want to seem like a ****; she is probably banging other guys too, each time saying "no we can't do this you're married".
Soldato
- Joined
- 22 Oct 2004
- Posts
- 9,086
- Location
- Berkland
Pictures damn it! Pictures!
Associate
- Joined
- 1 Sep 2011
- Posts
- 955
- Location
- Peterborough
We're gonna need a pic to see if the pasty is worth a good beating or not.
Soldato
- Joined
- 30 Sep 2006
- Posts
- 5,289
- Location
- Midlands, UK
![[ASSE]Hinchy](/styles/overclockers/avatars/8.png){kind=avatar}
Soldato
- Joined
- 18 Oct 2002
- Posts
- 11,054
- Location
- Disley, Cheshire
Sounds like she is a drama queen and is only interested in messing around if there is some kind of secrecy and excitement (drama) to it. "Oh my god imagine if she finds out!"
As someone said above, if you feel like you can then go along with it and enjoy the ride (no pun intended) but at least make out as though you're the one dictating things rather than being too nice to her.
As someone said above, if you feel like you can then go along with it and enjoy the ride (no pun intended) but at least make out as though you're the one dictating things rather than being too nice to her.
Here is a piece of advice.
You sound like you are trying to convince yourself of something that probably isnt there. Your ex sounds horrible and this other lady, despite being alternative, gothy, musical and prone to giving sexual favours whilst feeling vulnerable is very much the definition of "grass is always greener".
You have, I assume, have gone so long without feeling wanted that this must seem like you have hit the jackpot. You haven't. You have just arrived on the flip side of the crazy coin the ex flipped in the first place.
Also why would you come here for advice? Seriously, all you now have our people trying to either...
Look chauvinistic and heartless by using terms like "pasty" and "smash".
or
People clambering to make "OMG TWILIGHT!!" jokes. Has that ever been fresh?.
And then there is me. I've been single for 6 year's!! Even my right hand gets headaches!
In summary. Stop trying to find something that isn't there and convince yourself it CAN be there by giving it time. Move on.
Also dont ask the internet for advice on ANYTHING other than fixing a computer or how to be socially inept.
You sound like you are trying to convince yourself of something that probably isnt there. Your ex sounds horrible and this other lady, despite being alternative, gothy, musical and prone to giving sexual favours whilst feeling vulnerable is very much the definition of "grass is always greener".
You have, I assume, have gone so long without feeling wanted that this must seem like you have hit the jackpot. You haven't. You have just arrived on the flip side of the crazy coin the ex flipped in the first place.
Also why would you come here for advice? Seriously, all you now have our people trying to either...
Look chauvinistic and heartless by using terms like "pasty" and "smash".
or
People clambering to make "OMG TWILIGHT!!" jokes. Has that ever been fresh?.
And then there is me. I've been single for 6 year's!! Even my right hand gets headaches!
In summary. Stop trying to find something that isn't there and convince yourself it CAN be there by giving it time. Move on.
Also dont ask the internet for advice on ANYTHING other than fixing a computer or how to be socially inept.
Soldato
- Joined
- 28 Nov 2004
- Posts
- 16,024
- Location
- 9th Inner Circle
Why does.
The OP.
Write single line paragraphs.
In his.
Posts?
Oh and that woman is mental. You had be better getting the most deprived, down right freakish sex you have ever had. Otherwise walk away.
The OP.
Write single line paragraphs.
In his.
Posts?
Oh and that woman is mental. You had be better getting the most deprived, down right freakish sex you have ever had. Otherwise walk away.
- Joined
- 2 Aug 2004
- Posts
- 5,570
- Location
- London
If she's not willing to speak to your ex about it and 'clear' a proper go of it then I would leave it.
It's nothing to do with you and the Ex, it's her 'friendship' with your ex which is the factor.
BB x
It's nothing to do with you and the Ex, it's her 'friendship' with your ex which is the factor.
BB x
Soldato
- Joined
- 28 Nov 2004
- Posts
- 16,024
- Location
- 9th Inner Circle
Probably the best post.
No strings sex, sounds perfect. In the longer term she'll either get over worrying about your ex and a proper relationship will kick-off, or she wont but you've both had fun for a few months. Either way you have some great potential for annoying your ex, Win - win
Soldato
- Joined
- 19 Jun 2012
- Posts
- 5,498
She may be 28 but she does not sound very mature (28, living at home and into Twilight along with an aversion to making concise and meaningful decisions). Did she have Twilight posters on her bedroom wall by any chance?
Either its game on or it isnt. Excuses regarding ex seem like a smoke screen to me. Seems to me she wants her no strings attached fun at your expense.
If you are happy to be the door mat and let her dictate how your 'relationship' works for the sake of casual sex then fair enough. But I suspect it will end up with you becoming attached to her emotionally and then she discards you for the next novelty. IE you are the one who gets hurt. From the way you write you seem quite attached to her already and I suspect that a friends with benefits relationship will not work for you because deep down you want it to be more. Entering into that kind of relationship hoping that it will start a real relationship is not a good route and will invariably end up in tears (yours). I'm sorry but it also comes accross as a little bit needy being at her beck and call. Maybe man up and make it clear you are nobody's fool and will not be manipulated/controlled.
Personally I would walk unless she can show she cares about you enough to forsake what her so called 'friends' think.
A note on friends: If your ex were a real friend to this girl, I would suggest she would have no issues with the two of you dating.
I would have no problems with any of my friends dating any ex of mine. Thats the whole point of them being an ex. Its over. Done with. Finished. If a friend of mine has a chance to be happy with an ex of mine then I would want them to take it.
Indeed I was in a similar position once with a close friend. He was not persuing an interest in one of our good female friends because he knew I liked her and I had voiced that interest first. When I made my feelings known to her, it transpired she was not interested in me but my friend, but my friend didnt know that. Hurt like hell because I was besotted with her but I was man enough to accept it.
I cared deeply about her, and my friend, so I took her aside that night and asked her to make a move because my friend was useless at such things! She did on the very same night. They are now happily married and they have their first baby. I couldn't be happier for them. Had I wanted, I could have told my friend not to go there and he would have respected that wish. I really cant think of many things that would have been more selfish though. Along that road, their happiness and their beautiful baby may never have seen the light of day and that would have been a tragedy.
Anyway, back on topic, have you considered the fact that she may have merely used you to fulfill a sexual fantasy? You mention you are quite a bit older, so I wonder if it is possible she had a crush on you when she was 15 and had fantasies of being with "the older (married?) guy"? Is it possible she is just satiating some adolescent desires that were rekindled in that chance meeting? Is it possible that the reality of satisfying that 'crush' means it no longer gets her excited because its no longer a fantasy?
On a final note, if this girl shares a mutual friend with you along with being friends with your ex, it strikes me as odd that you have not seen her in over 12 years.......
Cheers
Buff
Either its game on or it isnt. Excuses regarding ex seem like a smoke screen to me. Seems to me she wants her no strings attached fun at your expense.
If you are happy to be the door mat and let her dictate how your 'relationship' works for the sake of casual sex then fair enough. But I suspect it will end up with you becoming attached to her emotionally and then she discards you for the next novelty. IE you are the one who gets hurt. From the way you write you seem quite attached to her already and I suspect that a friends with benefits relationship will not work for you because deep down you want it to be more. Entering into that kind of relationship hoping that it will start a real relationship is not a good route and will invariably end up in tears (yours). I'm sorry but it also comes accross as a little bit needy being at her beck and call. Maybe man up and make it clear you are nobody's fool and will not be manipulated/controlled.
Personally I would walk unless she can show she cares about you enough to forsake what her so called 'friends' think.
A note on friends: If your ex were a real friend to this girl, I would suggest she would have no issues with the two of you dating.
I would have no problems with any of my friends dating any ex of mine. Thats the whole point of them being an ex. Its over. Done with. Finished. If a friend of mine has a chance to be happy with an ex of mine then I would want them to take it.
Indeed I was in a similar position once with a close friend. He was not persuing an interest in one of our good female friends because he knew I liked her and I had voiced that interest first. When I made my feelings known to her, it transpired she was not interested in me but my friend, but my friend didnt know that. Hurt like hell because I was besotted with her but I was man enough to accept it.
I cared deeply about her, and my friend, so I took her aside that night and asked her to make a move because my friend was useless at such things! She did on the very same night. They are now happily married and they have their first baby. I couldn't be happier for them. Had I wanted, I could have told my friend not to go there and he would have respected that wish. I really cant think of many things that would have been more selfish though. Along that road, their happiness and their beautiful baby may never have seen the light of day and that would have been a tragedy.
Anyway, back on topic, have you considered the fact that she may have merely used you to fulfill a sexual fantasy? You mention you are quite a bit older, so I wonder if it is possible she had a crush on you when she was 15 and had fantasies of being with "the older (married?) guy"? Is it possible she is just satiating some adolescent desires that were rekindled in that chance meeting? Is it possible that the reality of satisfying that 'crush' means it no longer gets her excited because its no longer a fantasy?
On a final note, if this girl shares a mutual friend with you along with being friends with your ex, it strikes me as odd that you have not seen her in over 12 years.......
Cheers
Buff
Soldato
- Joined
- 22 Feb 2008
- Posts
- 11,114
Way to take things far too seriously, Professor.
This is GD: The OP knows what he's gotten in for. If not, Jebus help him.