Make me laugh

simulatorman said:
A woman goes into a pet shop and asks the shopkeeper, ''Excuse me how much are these parrots?'' He replies, ''£200, £150 and £10''. So the woman asks, ''Why is that one so cheap?'' and the shopkeeper says, ‘‘Because it used to live in a brothel''. Thinking it’s hilarious she buys the £10 parrot.

As she walks into her house the parrot squawks, ''Oh new brothel'', so the women giggles. The woman's daughters walk into the room and the parrot squawks, ''Oh new girls'', to which they all giggle.

Then a few moments later the woman's husband walks in and the parrot squawks ''**** me Dave, long time no see!''.
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LOL'd at that ... :D
 
Xmas work party tonight began with an exchanging of gifts. Among those given were a gimp mask, ball gag, Rudolph mankini and edible underwear.

Best quote of the night: my gf tells my colleague Dan to stop dry humping one of the girls (he had mounted her on a table for lulz), to which he replies "Im not, she's wet already!" which I've decided is the best thing I've ever heard.
 
mrk said:
I used to date a girl called Anna Ward.



She was a trophy girlfriend.
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Hey I got trophies too :rolleyes:

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:mad:

coldfused said:
A buffalo goes to his first day of school. As he walks away the mother says, "Bison!"

:D
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THAT'S MY JOKE FROM A FEW MONTHS AGO!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

I was going to post it and everything, right after I washed. :(


What do you call an alligator in a vest?


An investigator.

/gets coat
 
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Oldies for ya

What ya call an igloo with central heating?

A puddle

What does Mr kippling do in his spare time?

Pumps his cream into tarts
 
A man walking down a beach in the UK, he spots an old dirty lamp, picks it up and wipes off some of the dirt, a loud bang and out pops a genie.
The genie thanks the man, for releasing him from his lamp, and offers him just one wish.
The man ponders for awhile, and then says "well genie, I have not seen my daughter in 5 years, as she moved to america, I am afraid of flying and don't fancy the boat trip either. Please build me a road bridge from the UK to america"
The genie response "impossible, to many currents, high winds for such a bridge to be made, must pick something else"
after a few more minutes of thinking the man asks "Can you give me the ability to understand women" Genie responds "Would you like that bridge 3 or 4 lanes wide"
 
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