How do I meet women?

I was/am in the same boat as you...

Up until last April I was weighing 21 stone, low confidence, low self esteem and always doubting myself about everything... I basically used to give up before even trying!

Then I woke up one day and said **** it! This is something I can control so I decided to get off my ass, start a diet and go to a gym.

While I have still a long way to go, it's been 7 months on the diet and exercise (I had 3 weeks off in August because I was abroad on holiday).
It was hard at first to completely change my lifestyle, but now eating healthy and exercise is something I enjoy doing.

I now weigh around 15.5 stone and my confidence, self esteem, etc all went up. I go out to pubs on the weekend, talk to girls, etc as I don't see myself as a huge piece of **** anymore. My goal at the moment is to get to 12-13 stone and then see what can be done from there (lose more weight or build some muscle).

Set yourself small milestones which you know you can achieve and you will truly enjoy it when you reach those milestone. You will be happier, healthier and feeling good about yourself and what you've managed to achieve.
 
weightwatchers online worked a treat for me when I looked in the mirror one day and realised I had become a lardass

Give it a whirl, none of the meetings or back slapping just some good tools to help you stay on track (along with exercise which it allows you to monitor through it too).
 
Every day go for a walk, aim for 30 minutes and walk briskly. You'll be amazed after 2 weeks how much better you feel. It's easy to do, it will start your weight loss as I can pretty much guarantee your doing nothing now. Joining a gym is not the right starting point as your self esteem isn't ready for it. Watch what you eat and try and reduce portion sizes and the latest times you eat. Again all are easy to do and will have an impact. As the nights get darker and colder it becomes harder so perhaps use lunch time as walk time. If you drink heavily reduce it. Focus on getting your energy levels up and weight down and the you'll fine the woman thing becomes easier.

Do not go to adultwork as suggested above. The poster sounds to me like the type of guy who goes to a lap dance bar and thinks he's pulled. There are loads of women out there just like you, who fear dying alone. Get yourself feeling better and the rest will get easier.
 
the grass is not always greener

best thing to do is just put yourself out there, all losing weight does is make you happier/ in yourself and that tends to make you feel more confident about yourself, but again it does not change who you are.

ask anyone they will want to change something about them selves I'm a skinny hobbit, i wish i was abit taller

i found someone, was in love and the rest of it. then she cheated now she says she sorry etc but now i'm broken
 
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If you're unhappy being overweight - lose it. If you're happy to be bigger, accept it. However do not use it as an excuse to be miserable or not being able to meet girls. If meeting girls and losing weight are important to you, do something about it. If meeting girls are important to you, then do something about it.

you've met girls and been with girls before, so you know how you were, and how to be around them.

Get out more, stop playing on the computer. Join outside clubs, whether it is sporting based, or cultural endeavours. The more time you spend outside, and not locked up in a room harness "boom headshot" skills, the more chances are your confidence will increase.

If you don't feel confident because of your physique, then that's what you've got to address. I know many people who are larger, but it doesn't stop them being confident and happy in themselves - you need to answer that. I'm not going to tell you to lose weight or what, only you can make that decision.
 
craptakular said:
I am now 30 years old, I haven't had any female in my life since I was 23. I have ballooned into a 19 stone fat mess.
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You need to figure out your perception of yourself, as you've also said something conflicting;

craptakular said:
Accept I am fat and proud. I should stop using this as a barrier to joining match.com/talking to women, accept that there is a lot of me to love and find a women that is equally as fat or bigger to make me look skinny and massage my ego..
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These don't tie up. Are you trying to convince yourself that being overweight is acceptable? I'm not suggesting it is one way or the other. But, this could be a direct cause of your lack of confidence with women. I would suggest tackling this first for yourself, and then you'd be happier within yourself. I'd start working on a healthy diet and good exercise. Getting hold of some weights in the form of dumbbells and barbells would be a fantastic place to start.

You are not destined to die young nor alone, unless this is what you want. You need to give yourself credit and realise that you, only you, are able to change this.

This is a fantastic opportunity to take in a new country, and possibly a different culture, and make a complete fresh start and adopt a new perspective of your life.

A bit of confidence goes a long way when talking to women. You need to hold yourself high and show that you are happy with yourself and confident in your perception of your image. I appreciate you don't have this at the moment, so that should be your first port of call. Either be happy with your appearance, or find a way to change yourself so that you are.

Mate, women are EVERYWHERE! Each and every way you look. Just start talking to them more. Even if it's for a few moments, or a few minutes. If a woman serves you in a shop, try and strike up a conversation. Don't push it on too much, but build up a bit of skill with conversing.
If gaming is depressing you then stop. If it's your hobby, then allow yourself time to play. Just don't neglect your other responsibilities - that is, look after yourself! Go for a run, eat well, sleep well. Do whatever is to be happy with yourself.

There's nothing grand about chasing the marriage, mortgage and kids package before you're ready for it. Even then, it might not be your thing. Don't judge yourself against your mates. Create your own terms and a work towards the personal goals you want to achieve.
 
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i love the "go hire a prostitute" advice....

you will feel better about yourself after this!!

OP: "hey look i can talk to girls... "

Pro: "time's up luv, that will be £40. another £10 gets you a feel of me ****"
 
It really is as simple as doing the things you have said. Make an effort to lose the weight and do more sociable activities. It is the battle with ourselves thats often the hardest.

Just remember that females are basically the same as us but just have different interests and motivations. I guarantee she will be more self conscious than you are!

If I have something that takes me out of my comfort zone, I often try and picture myself on my death bed telling myself off for not doing it before you have no choice at all.

Just go for it.
 
So unless you are of perfect weight you are destined to die alone? What a load of old tripe, if youre that unhappy about it and you cant get laid either get your fat bum down the gym or the brothel.
Jesus man, whats so bad about being 19 stone? You need to give yourself a good talking too or go and see a doctor about anti depressants because you have clearly got deeper issues than a few extra lbs.
After seven years out of the game i can see why you may feel clueless but bitches be bitches, make them laugh, get them drunk its the same old same old.
Get yourself some new threads from Jacamo and go hunting, post us plent of pictures of your conquests and all will be good in the world ;)
 
if your not happy, it'll be 10x harder to find someone.

Start shifting the weight and also start mixing with people, new job will help massively, see if anyone there does any activities etc and tag along.

Be assertive, confident and just be a nice guy. Everyone will like you.
Oh, start making eye contact/smiling at people/women too, a smile goes a hell of a long way, just to brighten someones day for a moment, even if it's just passing someone in the street. It'll start to help with confidence too :)
 
I suggest option 1, just because it will benefit you and your health in more ways than just women. Set yourself a reasonable target and work for it (you say 15 stone, but you should break this down into slightly smaller steps - 1 stone loss etc) and reap the feeling of achieving these steps aswell as the feeling you get from the gym any way.

This feeling will reachout into other areas of your life and benefit them too.
 
There is no secret to talking to women. Don't overthink it.

Just don't talk about the weather or any other generic subject and try to ask them questions about themselves.

Even if you don't think she would care about the last movie you saw, talk about it and find out what she does enjoy. You never know you could find a closet geek.
 
G|mp said:
Can we stop loosing weight and lose it instead :mad:
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omg i know.. So much LOOSE weight ! Who packed this thread?

my advice, as ever, is up the voltage and increase the multiplier, Always buy good branded RAM and keep timings t1, but don't be afraid to "losen" them up (see what i did there)
 
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Start spreading the rumour that you're packing Ron Jeremy measurements and they'll soon come flocking regardless whether you're 30 stone or 8 stone dripping wet.

Only do this if you can back the rumour up
 
Sometime's dealing with confidence is best dealt with deliberatley putting yourself into an uncomfortable situation which you might find stressful. Then it's on your own terms.

For some people that could be a fear they have like going on a rollercoaster or skydiving etc. When you've built up some confidence then you can deal with the inevitable knockbacks you may get or you might strike it lucky the first girl you stike up a chat with.
 
I think the issue here is more one of self esteem than the ability to get a girlfriend, which is just a logical next step from low self esteem if you're single. Size can be a barrier, but I know lots of big units with lovely girlfriends and wives, me included so don't let that be an excuse or a distraction, the two don't need to go hand in hand, even less so as you get older and the teenies and young pouty selfie sorts get older.

As someone who understands depression, Id suggest the following key things. Get out, get fitter and get socialising, even if it's with a social group today you don't know. Find an interest, find a passion and pursue it. If you find yourself with the "can't be arsed" mentality then fight it and fight it hard as this is where it all starts. Don't focus on perfection, focus on small steps and aim low at first. It might be 1 less burger a week, 1 less beer but when you do it keep it up and find you next aim.

After reading this stop. Get off your arse, take a shower and go for a long walk. We are in one of the best countries in the world to simply walk. Take time to stroll at pace and when you get back home don't sit back down in that sofa with your laptop. Pick a book up, don't ponder and take satisfaction that you've taken the first steps to getting sorted.
 
craptakular said:
I am now 30 years old, I haven't had any female in my life since I was 23. I have ballooned into a 19 stone fat mess.

In my current rut I am destined to die young and alone.

I am moving to a new county next month for a new job. My question is this;

1. Get up out running and cycling until you get down to 15 stone then join match.com/find someone at work,

2. Accept I am fat and proud. I should stop using this as a barrier to joining match.com/talking to women, accept that there is a lot of me to love and find a women that is equally as fat or bigger to make me look skinny and massage my ego.

How do you talk to women? Where do you find them... I used to know women through school and uni and get friendly that way over a period of time. But now I don't know how, I am so lonely and very scared of dying alone. All my mates have moved on with wives, girlfriends, kids and mortgages. I have no one I know to go out with in any capacity male or female. Only some online gaming buddies, but all we do is argue about gaming and its depressing.
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How tall are you? If your over 6ft, then 19st isn't that big, you might just need to be more healthy, not necessarily lose weight.

If I were you, I'd work on getting my confidence up, getting myself in shape and generally being happier about myself before I looked for a partner.
 
EVH said:
There is no secret to talking to women. Don't overthink it.

Just don't talk about the weather or any other generic subject and try to ask them questions about themselves.

Even if you don't think she would care about the last movie you saw, talk about it and find out what she does enjoy. You never know you could find a closet geek.
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Yea, women are just people with the same interests etc. Once you get talking you'll be surprised what they are interested in. My wife enjoys Motorsport (F1 and BTCC mostly) and has an interest in modern day millitary aircraft (she can identify most jets and helicopters, some from just the rotor sound)! You wouldn't guess if it didn't come up in conversation :)
 
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