Well.. she left.

Maybe your right, I wasn't ready to get married at 20-21. We wanted to move in before getting married, then kids etc you know the 'typical' way. I dont have a single regret on how we did things, it clearly worked for 9 years. The only thing i regret is not acting sooner.

Does anybody know how the house thing works? If i want to keep the house do i need to pay her the equity back?

House is worth £115-£120k mortgage is 100k

Theophany said:
I actually just did. It's all very solid advice and I wish I'd read it five years ago.
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I read the lot, very good advice. Definitely taken a lot from that thank you Magnolia.

mrbell1984 said:
By gosh she's young. :D
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Ha!
 
Feel for you dude. I broke up with my gf that I've been seeing for 10 years about 5 months ago. Had a house, joint account etc.

Options are these:
Sell the house both getting 50-50.
You buy her out
she buys you out
free the joint account asap or go to the bank together and close it


Now shes probably grown apart from you. This is the main reason people break up when they've been together from such a young age. Remember you both are not longer those 17 year old kids. She may want to experience new things and go places. So might you.

My best advice is to move on and get on with life. If you find someone else go for it. That's what I did and I've not been happier. Found the perfect woman for me and get on like we've known each other forever.
Remember one thing, you broke up for a reason regardless of what happens with her. There's nothing stopping it happening again say 6 months or 18 months down the line.
 
I'm not going to let her back into my life until she can reassure me of her feelings for me and the relationship. I'm not going to do anything drastic until I know where she stands.

She said she needs to go and get psychiatric help, whether this will help at all is another matter.
 
BD10NNF said:
Options are these:
Sell the house both getting 50-50.
You buy her out
she buys you out
free the joint account asap or go to the bank together and close it
Click to expand...

That's my worry that it will happen again, however what if it doesn't and I throw it all away. I've literally given her everything she ever wanted.

We went travelling
Got a house
Got cats
A proposal / wedding

The ball is in her court, im not contacting her or doing anything, im not going to beg. Im not even sure if i would have her back even if she wanted to.

So with the house thing, her half is 7.5k of the 15k equity? so i'd have to find that money and pay her off, i take it this cant be added to the mortgage?
 
Sorry to hear it buddy.

Just out of a relationship myself and although not as long or even as serious as yours.. I understand the pain you're going through!

It sounds to me as if she is moving on and has been thinking about it for a while.. likely the proposal just escalated it.

The house/possessions and all can all be sorted and will be.. take the time now to focus on you and deal with that when it comes to it.

Lastly, listen to everything [FnG]magnolia has to say :).
 
Firstly you need to know if you are Joint tenants or Tenants in Common. That will make a difference on how you proceed.

Generally mortgage companies don't just allow you to take someone off a mortgage, you normally have to end your current agreement and pay off any possible redemption fee and then remortgage on your own. You'd need to find out first if you are able to get that alone and make sure it's at a figure you can afford each month. Otherwise you'll have to sell up and split anything remaining or keep it and let it out perhaps.

Sorry to hear about your breakup. My advice is dont make any rushed decisions. Take the time to sit back and think about what you want. Take any emotion out of your financial dealings because from here on in its basically business. My Dad gave me the same advice when I split with my ex and once I got my head round it, it made things so much easier.
 
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ashrobbo said:
I'm not going to let her back into my life until she can reassure me of her feelings for me and the relationship. I'm not going to do anything drastic until I know where she stands.
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[FnG]magnolia;25567076 said:
The important thing to remember is that they will never respond how you want them to respond. Because what you want them to say is “I’m sorry, I love you, I’ll always love you, let’s get back together and pretend none of this ever happened”. And they’re not going to say that. And if they do, you won’t believe them, because hey: they did it once, they can do it again.
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ashrobbo said:
That's my worry that it will happen again, however what if it doesn't and I throw it all away. I've literally given her everything she ever wanted.

We went travelling
Got a house
Got cats
A proposal / wedding

The ball is in her court, im not contacting her or doing anything, im not going to beg. Im not even sure if i would have her back even if she wanted to.

So with the house thing, her half is 7.5k of the 15k equity? so i'd have to find that money and pay her off, i take it this cant be added to the mortgage?
Click to expand...

Yeah that is exactly how I were with my ex.

About the house. Yes you would have to pay her half the equity. Get it valued by 3 estate agents and take the average. Simples. If she doesn't want to do that then you sell it and you both lose out due to solicitors fees. Plus while she's still on the mortgage make her pay half of it. If she refuses then she has no right to half the equity as the solicitors will basically say that your only entitled to what you've paid for. That's coming from my own experience. Plus you would need to see if you can afford to get the house in your name before all this. Otherwise you will have to sell because she will be on the mortgage and if you were to sell in the future she would be entitled to the money as well.

Try to keep things calm. Just let her know what the options are by the end of the week. Just so she doesn't over spend and knows what the options are.
 
Most relationships have there ups and downs don't take it personally.

Long term relationships can take there toll on both individuals involved. Stuff becomes routine, it all feels a bit dull and the excitement of learning brand new things about each other slowly goes, but then why wouldn't it you've been with the same person for a very long time. You know them and how they act, what they are like, what annoys you about them, what you find amazing about them and visa versa.

She is just looking at her life and probably is wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere. It may not amount to much to be honest and she may even want to get back together once she realises what she is actually giving up (for the unknown). Don't take it for gospal never to take her back. I always find this advice odd to be honest. If all she does is move out for a bit, giving her time to think and then she realises she was wrong. You would have to be the most cold hearted individual not to consider it.

People are idiots, she may have made a stupid decision thinking it was for the best. She could be wrong........ or not you might be an absolute scoundrel for all I know ;)
 
Cash everything in, quit/career break your job and go off travelling solo. Bang anything that moves too. It's a legitimate healing process, or something.
 
d_brennen said:
Cash everything in, quit/career break your job and go off travelling solo. Bang anything that moves too. It's a legitimate healing process, or something.
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I'm slightly disappointing that bang anything that moves or smashing some pasty hasn't been mentioned sooner :)

Thank you for all of the wise words.

johnny - totally agree and I will see how things go.

I've had several texts from her family, just seeing if im ok. She's a mess apparently. Shes got her best mate going round tonight and they are going to have a chat. However I think my mind is made up already.
 
In all seriousness, my advice would be to suck in the hurt, hold your head up high and get on with life. Absolutely no chasing after her, she wanted out, if she wants back make her do the leg work.

Just my 2p
 
tbh it sounds like she hasn't given it all up, just that she think's the grass is greener on the other side which it very rarely is.

If you love her then I wouldn't cut ties with everything yet unless you have properly made your mind up about the whole thing.

Don't go begging her to come back, as long as she knows how you still feel about her (telling her mates/family when they call) then that's the best thing.
 
Feel bad for you dude, recently did the dumping on my live in gf of 4 years. But as a rule, take everyone's advice on here with a large pinch of salt, and instead do what you think you should do. No amount of advice will make a decision for you, you have to follow what is best for you at the time.
 
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