Midlands Council to start sending borderline abusive text messages to land manatees

Tuppy_Glossop · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:04

If you think a big girl likes you,

You: "I find myself strangely attracted to you."

Her: "Oh, that's so sweet."

You: "It's called mavity, tubster."

Atlas23 · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:13

Your mother is so overweight, she must wear a larger size of garment than myself!

Hyeh hyeh hyeh hyeh hyeh

Sir, I would consider applying the burn cream liberally, as the might of my tomfoolery has surely resulted in some heat damage!

Hyeh hyeh hyeh hyeh hyeh

Theophany · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:13

Blazin23 said:
Your mother is so overweight, she must wear a larger size of garment than myself!

Hyeh hyeh hyeh hyeh hyeh

Sir, I would consider applying the burn cream liberally, as the might of my tomfoolery has surely resulted in some heat damage!

Hyeh hyeh hyeh hyeh hyeh

pitchfork · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:25

MrMoonX said:
How do they get their numbers?

How do telemarketers get my number? I'm the man writing a book about how best to track down and kill telemarketers, they probably should reconsider.

I don't give a **** if you're a narwhal or not - provided you graft like the rest of us.

If they're lazy fat ****ers sitting around spending my tax money on KFC I couldn't care less what people do to them - send them arse biscuits in the post for all I care.

Atlas23 · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:32

pitchfork said:
How do telemarketers get my number? I'm the man writing a book about how best to track down and kill telemarketers, they probably should reconsider.

I don't give a **** if you're a narwhal or not - provided you graft like the rest of us.

If they're lazy fat ****ers sitting around spending my tax money on KFC I couldn't care less what people do to them - send them arse biscuits in the post for all I care.

Good suggestion! I just popped three packets of arse biscuits in the post..

..to your mum!

Oh I am doing well today.

pitchfork · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:34

Blazin23 said:
Good suggestion! I just popped three packets of arse biscuits in the post..

..to your mum!

Oh I am doing well today.

Well your mum is easy like Sunday morning.

So, you know, THERE!

Atlas23 · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:43

pitchfork said:
Well your mum is easy like Sunday morning.

So, you know, THERE!

Oh
no
you
di
'nt

Keyboard warriors unite!

Preparing boxing stance!

Hold still while I arrange my fist under your chin!

Theophany · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:44

pitchfork said:
send them arse biscuits in the post for all I care.

What, pray tell, is an arse biscuit? And is the chocolate on the top or the bottom of it?

Haggisman · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:52

Tubby_Glossop said:
http://i841.photobucket.com/albums/zz339/Tuppy_Glossop/yerma_zps81b63383.png[IMG]

I had to... I have withdrawal from shop request threads :o[/QUOTE]

[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/h1w0zTL.gif

pitchfork · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:57

Theophany said:
What, pray tell, is an arse biscuit? And is the chocolate on the top or the bottom of it?

It's made largely of fudge, nuts and sweetcorn.

Theophany · 5 Feb 2014 at 14:58

pitchfork said:
It's made largely of fudge, nuts and sweetcorn.

BUT WHERE DOES THE CHOCOLATE GO?

mrk · 5 Feb 2014 at 15:03

"The money could just be used more fruitfully..."

Sharlaw · 5 Feb 2014 at 15:04

A lot of people who are overweight, are so due to comfort eating, yes it's a viscous cycle but logic has little place where peoples feelings are involved.
Do they really think that making people feel worse about themselves is the answer. Institutionalised bullying isn't the answer, and how long will it be before other groups are targeted?
Welcome to the beige future, where everything is socially acceptable, boring as hell, but hey it's ooohhh so good for you.

pitchfork · 5 Feb 2014 at 15:06

Theophany said:
BUT WHERE DOES THE CHOCOLATE GO?

It's woven into the fabric of the arse biscuit.

Cosimo · 5 Feb 2014 at 15:09

Tuppy_Glossop · 5 Feb 2014 at 15:11

Sharlaw said:
viscous

Like cholesterol-rich blood ?

Sankari · 5 Feb 2014 at 15:17

I can see this initiative going down like a tub of lard.

Theophany · 5 Feb 2014 at 15:18

pitchfork said:
It's woven into the fabric of the arse biscuit.

Sounds delicious, time to whip up a batch!

Diesel · 5 Feb 2014 at 15:55

Sharlaw said:
Welcome to the beige future, where everything is socially acceptable, boring as hell, but hey it's ooohhh so good for you.

Surely everything being acceptable is less boring? Not necessarily right, but less boring.

SexyGreyFox · 5 Feb 2014 at 17:59

Being part of the NHS in Stoke I've been trialling it for a couple of weeks but it must use your facing camera.
Today I got a text saying "Put down that burger & chips you fat b******".