Missus not bonding with new-born

haaammit

haaammit

haaammit

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Hey - my wife had an emergency section a week ago - child and mother came home Friday, but the missus has been crook since, spending the last three days throwing up/in bed. She says she's not feeling like she's bonding with our new child - I guess because she feels so physically bad and because she can't do anything/can't do the feeds/can't interact. She's totally uninterested in even holding him. This sounds like (apart from the physical aspect) like PND.

We're going to see her GP tomorrow - hopefully she will get some anti-emetics to stop the vomiting and allow her to get some food/fluids back into her.

Will she want to take more of an interest in her new child once she starts to feel physically better?

As an aside - I'm ****ed looking after an almost 4 year old and a 6 day old by myself :/

Sorry for the ramblings - need to get it off my chest (and get some sleep. Fat chance :rolleyes::D)
 
Baby blues, common. PND comes later, althought she will be at risk, given the favtors you have mentioned.
Teach the four year old to change nappies :)
Get thatmvomiting looked at for sure.
 
You're just going to have to grin & bare it at the mo & see how it pans out. It's understandable her feeling disconnected as she has been due to illness but just make sure she doesn't get bogged down with guilt.
Just keep telling her it's no bother you are loving taking care of them both at the mo & she has Plenty of time in the future to catch up.
Make sure you keep telling her you love her & keep the contact between you both going even if it's only a peck, rubbing her arm or just holding her hand for a bit.
 
The first few months are really hard at the best of times, just forget any downtime and be the do-it-all man for a while herself heals up. GP visit is a very good idea, as would be speaking to your home visitor lady (I forget what they are called, was a sleepless zombie for the first ~6 months of our daughters life)
 
My sister was like this for a while. She snapped out of it within 6 months but thats as far as my experience goes.

Get your wife feeling better first then worry later. She will bond with the child but only once she feels better
 
newborns suck, they just take and take and give nothing back. not at least until they can smile anyhow!
Once she's caring for it more that motherly instinct will start to kick and the bond will develop itself!
 
This sounds like the baby blues, it is a bit early for PND, but the baby blues are hormonal and if they fall with other problems can be a real pain.

Speak to your midwife would be my suggestion, far more experience than most doctors and more likely to be able to offer good advice at this stage, as well as guidance as to when to get concerned about a deeper issue.
 
Yeah speak to midwife, it's really important she has contact with baby, maybe just lie baby on her chest for a while each day skin to skin. Early contact is crucial for attachment, but least you're stepping in, a Caesarian is major surgery so she's gonna feel poop
 
Congratulations. My wife had two caesarians and they take a long time to recover from. Good luck and hope things improve.
 
My Mrs had a very difficult birth and had to have emergency surgery afterwards. She was very poorly for a good couple of weeks.
I know how tough it can be during this phase, especially when breastfeeding is difficult, but once they are feeding well bonding will happen properly :)
As said above, skin to skin is very important too!
Hang in there and keep doing the good work :D
 
My wife was in a similar situation; emergency c-section, next to useless for the first week and finding it very difficult to feed. What your wife needs is support & understanding. Don't force anything with the baby, her bond will come on in time. Just spend time together (you, her, baby & 4yo) and make sure you get as much help from the midwives and friends/family that you can.
 
Sounds like baby blues.

I'm just reading up on this stuff myself with our first expected end of March but it seems like there is difficult pattern to break. C-sections are much tougher on the body than a regular birth and even a Regular birth is tremendously exhausting to the body. Secondly due to such wild hormonal changes, physical exhaustion, psychological stress and the need to handle 24 hrs a day a screaming baby that seemingly can't be settled, is extremely demanding and is actually a complete stranger, is often hard to handle for the mother. Unfortunately, skin to skin contact is critical as soon as the baby is born, as is breast feeding. Once there is a separation of 12-24hrs it is apparently much harder for the baby to breast feed,and for the mother to produce milk appropriately. If the baby uses a bottle early on then it can impact its ability to naturally latch onto the nipple. If the mother doesn't breast feed early on then the breasts may not produce milk, and furthermore, breathe dung helps release hormones that improve recovery of the uterus. So you can end up in a fairly vicious circle.


If possible you need to try to get mother and baby together breast feeding. Even if the mother doesn't think she is binding with the baby most likely the baby is bonding with the mother and the babies actions are helping. But don't stress if this is not working out. Birth is just insane really, C sections are necessary. Try to help your wife as much as possible, however bad and exhausted you feel

Get to the doctors and then see a pediatrician and breast feeding nurse.
 
When a baby passes through the vagina it triggers a whole load of bodily responses.

I'm no expert, and I can't remember the ins and out of it, but, the best thing [after a C-section] that can be done to help stimulate it all is to breast feed. Do all you can to encourage this, make it as easy as possible for them.
 
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Sorry to hear that mate. All I can suggest is get help and support - don't let it go unchecked. When my other half had our son we lived with my mum which turned out of be a bad idea as there were fallouts and arguments (little one had pretty bad collc as well) which led to my other half getting a very angry PND. This led to months of hell before I could finally get her to go to the doctors and they gave her some magical pills.

It won't be easy by the sound of things as you two won't much much time to yourselves, but try and do something that you used to do, something before the baby so she doesnt just feel like just a mum? Bonding will come but it cannot be forced
 
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Hang in there buddy, know that things will get better.
Has she got a female friend who might have gone through this? It would be good for your wife to feel that she has someone to confide in and there's only so much you can cover given that you don't /can't know what she's going through.
 
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